How do I know if we're done?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    Update: Thank you to all of the guys that responded to this post. Everyone is right and I do need to move on. Obviously he has and didn't give two shits about me. I definitely deserve better, no wonder his last bf didnt want to move here to the US with him from the UK.

    I've been dating a guy for almost two months. We made plans last week to go and see the Navy SEALS movie together. All of a sudden this past wednesday I hear nothing from him at all.

    I've tried texting, calling, email and leaving voicemails. Do you guys think he pulled the "fade out" technique on me?
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    Mar 13, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou did not indicate when you emailed, texted and called him. Are you sure he didn't get hit by a car? What sort of time period are we looking at here ... he may be helping someone move or his phone turned off or battery went dead or a million other things. Make sure you are not jumping to conclusions and giving him enough time to respond.


    sorry i should have been more detailed in my description. he stopped communication this past wednesday. I have been trying to contact him everyday since including today.

    We are looking from Wednesday to today (tuesday), so right now a 6 day time frame. Usually he is good about replying to my texts or voicemails. Like I said he sent me two pic messages but they expired and I couldn't open or download them to see what they said or were.
  • CalmSpirit

    Posts: 24

    Mar 13, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    He's done (at least for now). You are not.

    Ask yourself this, Is this how you think you deserve to be treated by him or anyone else? If you feel you deserve better, then you know what you have to do.
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    Mar 13, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Assuming he's not unconscious at a hospital, I think it's safe to assume he's not interested anymore.
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    Mar 13, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    CalmSpirit saidHe's done (at least for now). You are not.

    Ask yourself this, Is this how you think you deserve to be treated by him or anyone else? If you feel you deserve better, then you know what you have to do.

    +1

    A very wise and mature response to the OP. The guy has likely bailed like a wimp. He no longer deserves a second thought by the OP.
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    Mar 13, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to say but I agree the guy has chose not the fade out but the disappear. After two months, you definitely deserve better. Unless he shows back up with a really good excuse for not being in any contact for six days, he's a dick.

    My question is, how long do you have to date someone before they're entitled to a conversation that it's over? My rule of thumb has always been three dates. It doesn't have to be any big talk, just something polite to let the other guy know you're not interested.
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    Mar 13, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidI'm sorry to say but I agree the guy has chose not the fade out but the disappear. After two months, you definitely deserve better. Unless he shows back up with a really good excuse for not being in any contact for six days, he's a dick.

    My question is, how long do you have to date someone before they're entitled to a conversation that it's over? My rule of thumb has always been three dates. It doesn't have to be any big talk, just something polite to let the other guy know you're not interested.

    Agree. Although even if we had only 1 date, but had planned a second, I would give the guy the courtesy of an explanation if I changed my mind. I would never just stand a guy up if he was expecting to hear back from me. (Well, 1 exception, when a guy went nearly postal on me, and then I wasn't standing him up, but hiding out! LOL!)
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    Mar 13, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    CalmSpirit saidHe's done (at least for now). You are not.

    Ask yourself this, Is this how you think you deserve to be treated by him or anyone else? If you feel you deserve better, then you know what you have to do.



    This, my fine friend.

    -Doug
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    Mar 13, 2012 10:56 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidI'm sorry to say but I agree the guy has chose not the fade out but the disappear. After two months, you definitely deserve better. Unless he shows back up with a really good excuse for not being in any contact for six days, he's a dick.

    My question is, how long do you have to date someone before they're entitled to a conversation that it's over? My rule of thumb has always been three dates. It doesn't have to be any big talk, just something polite to let the other guy know you're not interested.
    I will generally say it over the phone or text (if not actually on the first date if I'm not feeling it) just in passing - "I think we're best suited as friends." I've found for myself it's just the right thing to do.

    Three dates sounds about right for the in-person convo.

    Two months is simply inexcusable. Let him go, OP and move on. Karma will take care of this guy over time.
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    Mar 13, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    CalmSpirit saidHe's done (at least for now). You are not.

    Ask yourself this, Is this how you think you deserve to be treated by him or anyone else? If you feel you deserve better, then you know what you have to do.



    This
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    Mar 14, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    You can do better, move on. He clearly doesnt care enough to get back to you.
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    Mar 14, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    JinRDU said
    imasrxd saidI'm sorry to say but I agree the guy has chose not the fade out but the disappear. After two months, you definitely deserve better. Unless he shows back up with a really good excuse for not being in any contact for six days, he's a dick.

    My question is, how long do you have to date someone before they're entitled to a conversation that it's over? My rule of thumb has always been three dates. It doesn't have to be any big talk, just something polite to let the other guy know you're not interested.
    I will generally say it over the phone or text (if not actually on the first date if I'm not feeling it) just in passing - "I think we're best suited as friends." I've found for myself it's just the right thing to do.

    Three dates sounds about right for the in-person convo.

    Two months is simply inexcusable. Let him go, OP and move on. Karma will take care of this guy over time.


    Yea three dates is generally it. I will after a second date if they are persistent lol. Ive had people do the "its over" conversation by not showing up to the 4th date. Funny, I never knew a 45 year old man could act like such a child :-).

    And to think, I wondered why he was single (and will be for the rest of his life really)
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    Mar 14, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    Ha I too been a victim of this act, dude just stop and move on, and if he hits you up again don't bother you'll only lead yourself for a heartache. He is a bonafide douchebag. Just ignore him out of your life for your own sake.
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    Mar 14, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    CalmSpirit said[...]
    Ask yourself this, Is this how you think you deserve to be treated by him or anyone else? If you feel you deserve better, then you know what you have to do.

    +1
    A very wise and mature response to the OP. The guy has likely bailed like a wimp. He no longer deserves a second thought by the OP.


    These.
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    Mar 14, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidIf you didn't see the last two messages you should not jump to conclusions too quickly ... The messages could have said "gotta leave town on business be back in 2 weeks" ... anyway ... you've left him messages, so for now, you should let it go, if you don't hear from him in another week, just put another chalk mark on the bed post.


    thank for the reply but he actually just moved here from the UK. So he doesn't have to leave town on business or anything like that. He's gone from contacting me everyday to nothing. I have given up and decided to move on with my life.