Sexting Addiction? Your take on this, please.

  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 14, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    So I have been with my BF for 4 months, and have caught him twice "sexting" and having phone sex with several guys (and by several I mean like 5 or 6 guys).

    The first time, I found out he has been exchanging adult self-pictures with a bunch of Internet buddies and that he has been having phone sex with them... usually hours/minutes after being with truly yours. After I confronted him he said we never really talked about it, admitted it has been going on pretty much from before meeting me, and agreed to stop doing it and cease contact with said buddies. He says it doesn't mean anything, but in light of how hurt I was he asked forgiveness and says wont' happen again.

    Fast forward a couple months and I realize he is again in contact with one of then, and sexting again with a new guy... this time not exchanging his own pics but soliciting then from the new guy. I snap and was this short of calling the relationship off.

    Now he is hurt because I'm jealous and wont really forgive him (truth, I'm still hurting from it)... What is your take on situations like this?

    Note 1: We are sexually (and frequently) active and so far I believe the "affair" hasn't gone into face-to-face mode with these guys. Yet, I'm loosing sleep over it.

    Note 2: After I broke off with him, I discovered that my previous BF was cheating on me, and he (the current BF) knows it.
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 15, 2012 9:40 AM GMT
    Not a single answer? :-(
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 10:00 AM GMT
    You shouldn't be 'loosing sleep' over someone your in a relationship with if it's good. If it's making you feel like shit you should reconsider your options man.

    Seems as though you are expecting something different from your relationship than what he is. Is it a deal-breaker though ? Can you put up with the idea of him looking at other men ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 10:36 AM GMT
    If you're losing sleep over it then you know what your heart is telling you to do. Really what you have to decide is if you follow your heart or not.

    If you have a relationship without trust, what do you really have?

  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 15, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    Thanks for your answers guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    I dumped my "cheater", he was doing all sorts of stuff like this and more. He was actually meeting up with them.

    And he had the cheek to do it on my computer too. He made a mistake one night, and I found out. He forgot to delete pics. But always suspected him, and was unfortunately proven right. icon_sad.gif

    You deserve better. icon_smile.gif
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Mar 15, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    not to be harsh, but he's not into you. If he were, he wouldnt need to get his rocks off with someone else. I would suggest one of two things...

    1) Dump his ass

    2) if you don't wanna dump him, tell him you want in. Tell him to sext/phone sex with you.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Mar 15, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    HPgeek934 saidnot to be harsh, but he's not into you. If he were, he wouldnt need to get his rocks off with someone else.


    I-disagree-with-you.jpg
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Mar 15, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    wanna elaborate on why buddha?
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    Mar 15, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    This kind of thing baffles me. There are many guys who are into an open relationship.. Why not say that up front instead of pretending to be looking for monogamy.

    It sounds like this guy has no intention of being exclusive, regardless of what he says. Only you can decide if you can live with this or not. If he is only doing cyber/phone encounters at least you don't have to worry about catching something,but if he lied about this what's to stop him from lying about something more serious?

    Sorry this happened to you.
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    Mar 15, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    wow... a few judgmental answers here. Interesting.

    So my take on it is this. Some people are happy to be monogamous and don't really notice other guys or if they do, they are able to control any urges to look at, lust after or get with other guys as long as they are happy in their relationship.

    Other guys just aren't hard wired that way. They prefer open relationships. And by open, I mean they discuss and define what that means for them in their relationship. In your case, your sexting BF might be OK to just sext and NOT meet. Or he might actually want to meet other guys too. And this does not necessarily mean that he is not into you, does not love you or wants to break up with you.

    From the sounds of it, you're not OK with this. If that is indeed the case you need to explain it to him and break up with him. A leopard can't really change its spots; you've asked him more than once and he's proven that he won't stop.

    But let's refrain from calling him a cheating bastard and stoning him publicly. It sounds to me like the two of you just have different ideas of what you want from a relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah it's a deal breaker if it's important to you.

    Hopefully you can find someone who has the same idea of what they want. There are plenty of guys on this site who are not monogamous but who are in loving and caring relationships. Most of them don't judge monogamy, and lots of them are tired of comments from monogamous guys like those in this thread who are very quick to judge and call anyone who is not monogamous a cheating lying bastard.

    Thanks for your post and best of luck. Keep us posted on how it goes.
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    Mar 15, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile said Why not say that up front instead of pretending to be looking for monogamy.
    Because there are plenty of guys who are players. They want to tell you only what they think you want to hear in order to make you feel that they are the right guy for you.

    I've chatted with a few in the past. Whenever I get asked a question I reply with an honest reply. But when I pose the same question back to them they reply with a very general and/or evasive answer. If this happens a few times, red flags go off in my head. When I ask a direct question I expect a direct answer else I get suspicious of you. Especially if you already asked me that question and I replied to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    Excuses, excuses. Good for you if you can get away with it.