What do I say now?

  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Mar 14, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    So this guy I knew from elementary school and I have been friends on fb for a few years now. I've probably seen him once or twice in the past 5-7 years or so because of a mutual friend or two of ours and I don't think I've spoken to him in years beyond a happy birthday on facebook. He now goes to a college not too far from mine.

    I'm registered on this dating site that I browse from time to time and low and behold, I find that he has a profile on the site too (I know for a fact it's his). I checked it out and he's able to see that I checked it out but I honestly didn't know if he even remembered me. He checked out my profile as well and a day or two later he deleted his profile. I didn't think much of it because I assumed he was out and there are any number of reasons he could have deleted it.

    I always remembered him as a really nice guy and since we're both gay, we both kind of know each other and we go to schools really close to one another, I figured we could possibly meet up and maybe even become friends (dating him was the last thing on my mind). So, I sent him a message on fb asking him how things were going and if I had seen his profile on the dating site...and he completely denied it but continued the conversation.

    What do I say now? Do I just cut my losses and not respond? Let him know that I'm not looking to out him or anything? I feel like an ass for even messaging him on fb. Did I cross some kind of boundary?
  • tobiasschnell

    Posts: 7

    Mar 14, 2012 8:12 AM GMT
    so whats a problem dear just tell me you want to like him. it is your right.let go and tell them.thanks.
    -------------------
    online dating sites
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    I would tell him you're not gunna out him and you thought you could be friends. He will probably warm up to it, but if not....ohh well. If he ignores you then he's just not ready yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    I think your friend is having some personal issues in coming out. It sounds like he is not out or all or even just a bit curious. I think right now he has a fear and its natural for someone in college. Its the experience where sexual exploration is expected.

    I say just for now leave him be. When he is ready, he will talk to you. I wouldn't take it on personal level because his actions are expressing his internal conflict.

    I say when he needs a good friend like you, you can be there!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    ineedausername said[...]
    What do I say now? Do I just cut my losses and not respond? Let him know that I'm not looking to out him or anything? I feel like an ass for even messaging him on fb. Did I cross some kind of boundary?


    You did a normal thing. Nothing bad or wrong about it either.
    Letting him know that you respect his privacy and would never 'out' anyone is probably a very good thing to do in this case.
    As for being "friends" on FB, I would never use that as a standard for genuine friendship, just adding peoples' names and correspondence.
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Mar 18, 2012 8:29 AM GMT
    Thanks for the input. I think I'm gonna message him back letting him know I'm not trying to out him and see where things go.