How Can You Not Fall In Love With Your Friends.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    I have had a few guy friends, and I found almost all of them attractive. The only ones I did not find attractive were because I simply just did not. I do not mean attractive as in just looks, but personality as well.

    How can you not fall for your friends. I mean we pick our friends because of common ground and a bond and other means, just like we would in a lover/partner/significant other. So how can we not help but to fall for our guys friends. Is it possible we just condition ourselves into thinking we don't see them like that.

    Suppose our best friend said they were gay as well, and you did not know it and he liked you. Would you then stay friends?

    I only had two good guy friends I never even been attracted to and that was because I knew him so long he was like a brother. The others I either crushed on our lusted on.

    You are friends with a guy who is HOT, Sweet, Smart, Nice, Compassionate, Caring, and would do anything for you. How can you not fall for it?

    I can be cool and cordial with plenty or straight guys and not catch feelings, but that is because "Friend" to me is special. So we have to be close to be friends.

    Can someone tell me what they think, or how they deal with it?
    Could this be the reason alot of gays are closer to females?

    Even if you did not have emotions for your friend, would you not have sex with them if they wanted to fool around. If they looked good?

    Also I am not saying LOVE but just feelings/crushes/liking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    The only logic correlated with emotions is DON'T FALL FOR STRAIGHT GUYS.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    Anduru saidThe only logic correlated with emotions is DON'T FALL FOR STRAIGHT GUYS.


    As understandable as that is, there is another logical term to counter act it.

    "YOU CANT HELP who you fall in love with or are attracted to."
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Mar 15, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    Because my friends are my friends. Theyve never been my love interests.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Do you mean fall in lust?
  • Makferson

    Posts: 43

    Mar 15, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidBecause my friends are my friends. Theyve never been my love interests.

    I completely agree with you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidBecause my friends are my friends. Theyve never been my love interests.


    That's a good saying, but don't most people who find their soul mate and stuff start off as friends.

    I mean even in the tv show friends, they started off as friends and became more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    This happened to me once or twice when younger. But, like with many other things, we learn control and are able to sort out feelings into clearer categories and draw clearer boundaries.

    I think that, if anything, you are craving deep emotional exchange. Hardly surprising, given the other posts where you have written about your current situation. And with a good friend, there is definitely that. But you also want more, and it is very difficult for you to have it in your current location. So, your want for a sexual partner who will also share emotional intimacy is transferring, I think...

    You need to get somewhere so that you can meet guys who are actually "available" on both of those levels in order for you to be happy. That's what I think it boils down to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 11:04 AM GMT
    I think it's an interesting area, with potential for social research. I came out quite late, and now I don't really have a group of friends or even any gay friends my own age, just lots of different individuals with whom I'm very close independent of each other.. However, I see plenty of groups of gay guys and think it's such an interesting dynamic, often very turbulent in terms of dating/fucking/interest.

    That being said, I know plenty of friends from high school who were friends in a larger male/female group and are now together/engaged. So I guess it's not so much to do with being gay. But then, I fall for pretty much every guy I bump into on the street so I don't know...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 11:12 AM GMT
    Make sure you don't find them attractive.

    I am not friends with any man/woman I'd wanna fuck. It's one of my golden rules. If your spending a lot of time around someone like that then you can't help but fall for them.

    I'm not saying that you should discriminate against good looking people or that you can't have a friendship with them, just so long as you don't wanna sleep with them.

    One of the first guys I fooled around with was a close friend and it fucked up our relationship as mates. I'd give anything to take it back now.
  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Mar 15, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    My straight friends are in a certain territory in my mind where I simply don't want to have sex with them despite the fact that some of the are very attractive. Very rarely does anyone ever cross over and something truly special has to take place for that to happen. I dunno, I think it just has to do with the fact that I know them so well that I think of them more as brothers than lovers. New people I meet sometimes spend a little while in No Man's Land when I decide whether or not I should mentally pursue someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    I don't have any issues in separating friends from those whom I'd meet on a different level. While I understand that a friend can turn into a more than just a friend, I personally prefer not to mix the two.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2012 6:06 AM GMT
    I just don't see how you would even know if you would want to be with the person.

    Unless you go by mere looks, and even then how a person acts(personality)can make you like them anyway.

    I don't see how people can just seperate it in their head, that his is my straight friend and I will not have feelings. I need to know how to do that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidHow Can You Not Fall In Love With Your Friends.
    Get ugly friends who have no life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    You again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    Haaretz saidYou again.
    oooo, spill the deetz!
    wj8fmv.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    There is a difference between "friendship chemistry" and "romantic chemistry".

    Plain and simple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 2:52 AM GMT
    I fell for one of my friends back in high school and it was horrible. So much time wasted on my part for something that I knew would never happen, and I'll never let it happen again. It's just not worth it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    OP - take what ever you can fit into a suitcase, walk out of your house and get into whatever mode of transportation you can most readily afford (train, plane, bus, turnip truck...whatEVER) and get out of Alabama.

    Get as far away as you possibly can without leaving the planet Earth.

    And never look back. Ever.

    Do it.

    Now.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    How not to fall in love with your friends?

    Smite them.

    hammer3.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Kidding about the smiting, for the most part.

    Germanic languages (of which English is one) tend to be limited in vocabulary for expressing the different nodes of affection that humans can experience.

    The Greeks did it better, with at least four descriptive words:

    "philias" - brotherly love (cf. "Philadephia - city of brotherly love") Think of soldierly camaraderie. Generally not at all erotic in nature. May also involve love of concepts, ideas, and other non-tangible things.

    "eros" - horny love... should be damn obvious what that is.

    "storge" - familial love (such as a mother's love for her children)

    "agapë" - selfless love (sacrificial love that gives without conditions or asking anything -- even reciprocity of love).


    Love for your friends should generally be of the storge/phileo type.

    Love for romance will generally be more of a purely "eros" type that eventually will evolve into a mix of eros, storge, and agapao, with the most mature expression of it involving a higher percentage of "agapë".

    Learning to separate these types of love is crucial to one's development as a (hu)man.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    I'm still allowed to do the smiting thing if I WANT to though, right????
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Mar 19, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    7Famark saidThere is a difference between "friendship chemistry" and "romantic chemistry".

    Plain and simple.

    Exactly this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 19, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    JP85257 said
    7Famark saidThere is a difference between "friendship chemistry" and "romantic chemistry".

    Plain and simple.

    Exactly this.


    Not really. Sometimes the lines can blur which is why some people hook up with their friends. Not so simple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 19, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    I think your problem is OP is that you may like the IDEA of your friends could be as a boyfriend and...yea you need to stop that. Done that once or twice and i definitely learned my lesson.