Coming out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2012 7:50 AM GMT
    Hi guys..I need some input...

    I came out to family and close friends a couple years ago.
    My family doesn't talk about it. I even have an older gay brother but we barely talk. I am a masculine guy and when I have come out to people I hear "your the straightest gay guy I ever met, " are you sure your gay?"
    along with other comments and jokes. I have received the same in the gay
    community being called a fake and not feeling like I fit in there.
    I actually do not feel as though I fit into the straight community or the gay
    community. Is it just me? I do not feel any better since coming out. I actually
    feel worse than ever and in a bad place with this. Anyone else feeling the same?
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    Mar 16, 2012 11:39 AM GMT
    max_powa saidHi guys..I need some input...

    I came out to family and close friends a couple years ago.
    My family doesn't talk about it. I even have an older gay brother but we barely talk. I am a masculine guy and when I have come out to people I hear "your the straightest gay guy I ever met, " are you sure your gay?"
    along with other comments and jokes. I have received the same in the gay
    community being called a fake and not feeling like I fit in there.
    I actually do not feel as though I fit into the straight community or the gay
    community. Is it just me? I do not feel any better since coming out. I actually
    feel worse than ever and in a bad place with this. Anyone else feeling the same?
    Yep.. its just you. WHY do you place so much emphasis on fitting in? Be yourself! Be YOU and tell anyone else to go fuck off!

    If you're gay, your gay.. who gives a shit about "how" you're 'supposed' to act! I get the same comments "your the straightest gay guy I ever met" but I use that to EDUCATE..

    Ya cannot ever tell a book by its pretty pictures on the cover. Those that do are fools!
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Mar 16, 2012 12:12 PM GMT
    I agree with Tropicalmark. Whoever called you a fake is an idiot. Ignore them. I also get comments that I don't seem gay, but I've never taken as an insult or an attempt to make me feel excluded.
    Have you tried reaching out to your brother?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    I used to get those "you're too straight-looking" comments, too, especially when I first came out and definitely when I wore my motorcycle leathers. I've since taken lessons and now can become fag extraordinaire at will. icon_biggrin.gif

    Seriously, I used to find my butchness (please, don't hate) a great advantage, a disguise I could use when I was in a gay hostile environment. Don't have to do that anymore where I live now, but I think there's a lot of gays who wish they were more like the OP. The grass is always greener...

    And honestly I don't know any gay men who are disadvantaged by a straight appearance, unless they're auditioning for a stereotypical gay role in a movie. On the contrary, some other gay guys consider it quite desirable, and butch guys are in high demand. Nope, I've never heard a gay guy called "fake" because he looked "too straight." Might be all in the OP's imagination.

    And honest to gawd I had one BF who told me his mother liked me because I wasn't faggy like all his previous BFs, she thought I helped to improve his image in their small town in which we all lived at that time. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that dating Attila the Hun wouldn't have changed anyone's opinion of her son. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    lots of guys feel like this. Not really sure what the answer is....maybe just a good group of supportive friends?
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    Mar 16, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    max_powa saidHi guys..I need some input...

    I came out to family and close friends a couple years ago.
    My family doesn't talk about it. I even have an older gay brother but we barely talk. I am a masculine guy and when I have come out to people I hear "your the straightest gay guy I ever met, " are you sure your gay?"
    along with other comments and jokes. I have received the same in the gay
    community being called a fake and not feeling like I fit in there.
    I actually do not feel as though I fit into the straight community or the gay
    community. Is it just me? I do not feel any better since coming out. I actually
    feel worse than ever and in a bad place with this. Anyone else feeling the same?


    I came out to few friends but they don't believe me.. They say I look straight and stop fooling around.. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2012 6:06 PM GMT
    Hey Max, I can certainly relate. When people tell me they don't believe I'm gay, I offer to show them pictures icon_twisted.gif. So far no one has taken me up on it icon_cool.gif. And I also have to say, I relate to the not feeling like I fit in either the straight or gay world. But bottom line is, I know I'm gay, and I know I want to partner with another guy. That said, I just do my own thing for now. Drop me a line some time if you want to chat.
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    Mar 17, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    You aren't alone. I feel the same way. When I accepted myself I decided to attend my school's ten percent society meeting. It shocked me, almost making me want to go back in the closet. All they did was talk about how much fun they had at the last drag show and they planned their next one. I thought to myself...really? Also, I found not one masculine guy there. It honestly hurt to think I didn't fit in to any group. Slowly I've found masculine normal guys that I can actually relate to. It feels good that there are people like us- not wanting to just "gay it up". It sucks, but this site has helped a lot.