now that i've said it, i'm dwelling on it...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    i "confessed" earlier today that i really dig bisexual guys. no, not people who are "confused," "cowardly," "manipulative," or any of the other horrible terms used to describe them, but men who are at ease with being truly bisexual. bisexuality isn't only a "real" sexuality, it's probably the most common sexuality (given all the gradients of desire that flow between 0 and 6 on the kinsey scale). i'd never heard the term "closed loop relationship" before, but now that i've seen it and researched it i'm fascinated by it. has anyone experienced this type of scenario?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    its an interesting idea, I'm bi, although, its actually rare for me to want a relationship with a women so it would be odd for me (at least at first) to have something like that.. Although surely interesting.

    The dymanics of the relationship are truly difficult to think about without having been in something like that.

    I don't like the idea of doing that behind someones back, not so much my cup of tea.

    I'm gonna have to think about this for a while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 9:57 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidi "confessed" earlier today that i really dig bisexual guys. no, not people who are "confused," "cowardly," "manipulative," or any of the other horrible terms used to describe them, but men who are at ease with being truly bisexual. bisexuality isn't only a "real" sexuality, it's probably the most common sexuality (given all the gradients of desire that flow between 0 and 6 on the kinsey scale). i'd never heard the term "closed loop relationship" before, but now that i've seen it and researched it i'm fascinated by it. has anyone experienced this type of scenario?


    Interesting stuff. I'd never heard of it either until just now. The key seems to be that all parties involved are open and aware of one another and monogamy between the "loop" is expressed.

    Hey, who am I to judge? It's an interesting idea and probably works for those who get into that. I guess I might be a little selfish. I just don't think I could be happy in that situation even with the married spouse knowing and approving of all of it. Then again I'm not bisexual so I'm not being pulled two different ways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:06 PM GMT
    Looked it up and found this part

    "The Closed Loop principal is seen as one solution to an eternal problem that faces a married gay or bisexual person who is out to their spouse, wants to continue their marriage, and yet has to fulfil their true emotions, sexual and otherwise, through a relationship with another person. For some it works effectively. But it can only work if the spouse can accept it."

    So only one in the straight relationsip is gay or bi while the other has to learn to accept it and if they do this is an alternative. She needs to love herself enough to get on with her life. I can't see a woman agreeing to this unless she has low self esteem.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:11 PM GMT
    Alpha62667 saidLooked it up and found this part

    "The Closed Loop principal is seen as one solution to an eternal problem that faces a married gay or bisexual person who is out to their spouse, wants to continue their marriage, and yet has to fulfil their true emotions, sexual and otherwise, through a relationship with another person. For some it works effectively. But it can only work if the spouse can accept it."

    So only one in the straight relationsip is gay or bi while the other has to learn to accept it and if they do this is an alternative. She needs to love herself enough to get on with her life. I can't see a woman agreeing to this unless she has low self esteem.



    Actually you'd be completely wrong (and I've noticed.. not the first time)

    I know a few women who are confident enough to have a relationship like that. Hell, just because that description is for bisexual males does not mean it can not work the other way around.

    And whats to say that is can only be three? two males and two females could also be a rather interesting combination which I think would work rather well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:30 PM GMT
    I doubt I'm completely wrong. Seeing as how when some woman find out her spouse is gay or bi she dumps him. Not to mention those that have tried to stay in a open marriage and come out of it miserable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:45 PM GMT
    Alpha62667 saidI doubt I'm completely wrong. Seeing as how when some woman find out her spouse is gay or bi she dumps him. Not to mention those that have tried to stay in a open marriage and come out of it miserable.


    Umm, yeah, for some reason, I don't think hes going to stay with her now that hes come out as gay....
    Don't know about you.. but to me, gay guys like guys.

    The bi, well, I've known a few too, all except one broke up because he had an affair behind her back, the other fella, well, she was a little.. erm.. freaked about it all, but, it was her problem that she couldn't understand anything but her own sexuality.

    Some have come out of open relationships miserable, others have come out of them having learnt a great deal, still others are still enjoying them, there is no one set recipe for everyone.

    You seem to have a problem with anything other then what you know as your sexuality, just as the personalities are unique to each person so is there sexuality, you, nor I, or anyone else can ever claim to know what is what because we don't and we can't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    lilTanker said[quote][cite]Alpha62667 said[/cite]I doubt I'm completely wrong. Seeing as how when some woman find out her spouse is gay or bi she dumps him. Not to mention those that have tried to stay in a open marriage and come out of it miserable.


    Umm, yeah, for some reason, I don't think hes going to stay with her now that hes come out as gay....
    Don't know about you.. but to me, gay guys like guys.

    The bi, well, I've known a few too, all except one broke up because he had an affair behind her back, the other fella, well, she was a little.. erm.. freaked about it all, but, it was her problem that she couldn't understand anything but her own sexuality.

    Some have come out of open relationships miserable, others have come out of them having learnt a great deal, still others are still enjoying them, there is no one set recipe for everyone.

    You seem to have a problem with anything other then what you know as your sexuality, just as the personalities are unique to each person so is there sexuality, you, nor I, or anyone else can ever claim to know what is what because we don't and we can't.[/quote]

    So why did you even formulate your own opinion? LOL

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:54 PM GMT
    Danger Will Robinson. It's personal. He thinks your an ugly nugget. He's poking the monkey to get a response. Not worth it. Enjoy the fun. Coffees on me tomorrow. Be da man. Stay on the topic or slip on out icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    Alpha62667 said
    So why did you even formulate your own opinion? LOL



    Thats just lame sweet pea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidDanger Will Robinson. It's personal. He thinks your an ugly nugget. He's poking the monkey to get a response. Not worth it. Enjoy the fun. Coffees on me tomorrow. Be da man. Stay on the topic or slip on out icon_wink.gif


    Yes, I do think that and no, I wasn't trying to get a raise outta him, I've already seen enough of him in other posts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 11:08 PM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidDanger Will Robinson. It's personal. He thinks your an ugly nugget. He's poking the monkey to get a response. Not worth it. Enjoy the fun. Coffees on me tomorrow. Be da man. Stay on the topic or slip on out icon_wink.gif


    Good catch grasshopper. Noted. Looking fwd to the coffee. Bring your pet bi I want to pet him icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 09, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    I think if our culture and society did not put such a stigma on having a fluid sexual preference that just about everyone would be bisexual to some extent.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    Except me, women and I don't hit it off in that area.

    Dancerjack, why do you find Bisexual men so attractive? Is it because you don't meet to many gay men that are comfortable with who they are?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 09, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidI think if our culture and society did not put such a stigma on having a fluid sexual preference that just about everyone would be bisexual to some extent.



    Thats very interesting because it may be true to a certain extent. The term bisexual though would probably have to be broaden beyond sexual attraction for it to apply to me personally. I am 100 percent gay but I do crave the friendship of women at times. I find their emotional attachment to many things very interesting. I find some of them to be very delicate and beautiful in appearance. I don't get physically aroused but I appreciate it. Even love the way some women smell. Women seem to open up faster then most men do. I like their instinctive nurturing many provide. So if bisexual were a lost word or expanded beyond the sexual I could see something like this actually working for many.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidI think if our culture and society did not put such a stigma on having a fluid sexual preference that just about everyone would be bisexual to some extent.



    I think it is a security thing, esp in a hetero relationship where producing children is a real possibility. A woman wants to know her husband is going to be sticking around for the long haul of raising these kids. A multipartner situation is just too risky and fraught with angst.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 12:10 AM GMT
    Kinsey, Masters & Johnson, plus many others who have spent decades researching the subject virtually all agree: The vast majority of us are actually somewhat bisexual and fall along a "continuum." Kinsey used the 1-6 scale and I think Masters & Johnson did too.

    Those at one end are, for lack of a better term, "exclusive heterosexual"; on the other, "exclusive homosexual"; and then there's most everyone else somewhere-in-between.

    That said, it's not a 50-50 thing -- how do you quantify such feelings anyway?? -- and most people who have bisexual feelings from time to time still are primarily gay or straight. The continuum refers not so much to your actual sexual behavior but as to how you really feel and think.

    I've probably explained this in a fairly clumsy way, but basically this is what the research suggests.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 12:40 AM GMT
    huh...I didnt know it had a name.

    I have a friend who is in a relationship like this. He has a steady, live in g/f and a steady male fuck buddy. They all know about each other...in fact, his g/f finds it sexy to think about whats going on with him and his male friend. To date they havent done a 3way...my friend says he's not interested in that. (And I am actually the exact same way...boys OR girls...not really into boys AND girls).

    anyway...you asked if anyone knew of this kind of relationship. They've all been together for over a year, so something seems to be working out.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 1:03 AM GMT
    JBE60 saidExcept me, women and I don't hit it off in that area.

    Dancerjack, why do you find Bisexual men so attractive? Is it because you don't meet to many gay men that are comfortable with who they are?



    no, i think it has more to do with the notion that i'm with someone who is so open to beauty and life: to be able to fully accept men AND women? somehow that to me seems like a really fortunate position. of course i'm speaking in terms of ideals, and those are easily corrupted by us mere mortals. i sometimes wish i could be bisexual and know what it's like to share attraction and love between more than just men, but i'm just gold star gay, so that'll have to do. i also wish i had a wider palette of taste generally, but for good or for bad i'm mostly a vanilla gold star gay who likes other white guys. blah. i bore myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    You're not alone, dancer. I find it really attractive, too. The key being, like you said, men that are genuinely fluid or bisexual and comfortable with it. That openness is very appealing and sexy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    Thanks dancerjack, I guess that makes sense. I don't know, I think I would find being bisexual kind of confusing. Especially in a big city like Toronto where there are so many attractive people of both sexes and from over 100 countries. I would be a basket case!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 2:28 AM GMT
    Personally, I saw to heach his or her own.

    The only way I see those closed relationships working out is if both people are bi and in a relationship. I tend to call those swingers sicne that's what they are but they live by an entirely different code. To be the only one who is bi the relationship and have desires for someone else has got to be painful for the spouse because in reality they are are just unbale to sexually satisfy their partner who feels the need or has the urge to want to experience pleasures with someone else and even worse is that they know about it. I can't see too many people who are aware of such a thing being truly happy with the situation.

    They say when you truly love someone you can tolerate alot in order to love them truly. Seems like this is openly tested in closed relationships.

    I could have my way with someone who was bisexual easily simply because (A) it would be fun and (B) I'm not in a relationship with them. I could not, however, be in arealtionship with a bi person because I'm gay and being that they are bi they are going to have urges and I'mnot willing to share, especially with someone of the opposite sex, or in a married person's case, someone of the same sex.

    Stuff like this is something one should consider because like all realtionships there are consequences for one's actions and desires and in a closed relationship I can very well gararentee it's not a pretty sight. NNJ is very well informed about the craziness that seems to orbit closed relationships. I've know several and only about 3 of them actually had a high success rate while the rest crashed and bunred.

    If that is to be your thing, DJ, I wish you the best and I hope you fully comprehend the possible consequences of dealing with such uncertain thing.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 10, 2008 2:33 AM GMT
    Caslon4000 said
    I think it is a security thing, esp in a hetero relationship where producing children is a real possibility. A woman wants to know her husband is going to be sticking around for the long haul of raising these kids. A multipartner situation is just too risky and fraught with angst.


    What makes you think it would be just the man that would want to dabble in same sex relationships?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 2:38 AM GMT
    In the reality of things such as this it usually is the man who dabbles in such this as this. Most women, while capable of cheating just as well as men are and in some situations better at it, do not tend to be so emotionally attached to the same sex when it comes to the same sex while in a marriage.

    Men are easily governed by their dicks while women are more in tune with their hearts. Hence a typical straight male while assume he isn't gay as long as he isn't the one sucking cock or getting pounded. In his mind he is stillstraight and as long as he got "his" not matter how he did it he will walk around proud and loving women event hough he was pleasured by a man. That's obsiviouly wrong but to a straight it makes perfect sense. A women at least will not generally put herself in such a compromising situation where she has to deal with her own personal sexual desires and matters of the heart which is why women aren't typically governed by their va-va's. and makre more sense of things whenit comes to sex.

    Women in matters like this are more stable and actually do consider the outcome of their actions. Yes, I'm sure we all know a few who would disprove this but I bet you know more men who could easily balance it out, if not tip the scale.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 10, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    Some of the most nicest guys I've gotten off with, have had a wife and kids. They are not gay, but Bisexual.

    Some of the most despicable, and dangerous guys I've also meet have had a wife and kids. Yet they would kill to keep their secret a secret.

    Oh when a guy that wed, and breds comes out. why is he automatically put under the gay banner, and not the bi banner, when his still bi. Pure homosexual don't wed with a women and breed too; bisexuals do. A Bisexual is not the same as a homosexual. As a homosexual only has sex with males. Yet a bisexual bats for both sides.