New here and need help understanding what I am.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    hi everyone.
    Im french so sorry about my grammar faults..

    Im with my GF for 7 years now. Im 24. My relationship is great and my sex is soso. I enjoy sex with her but I feel that im missing something.

    I used to ed in my teen years with a boy and I loved it. I especially remember how easily I came when bottomed.

    I never kissed a guy and I never felt the urge to kiss guys. I definitly find a women more 'beautiful' but I feel probably more attracted to the sexual posibilities that a men can bring me: Put it in my mouth or up my .
    I dont want to kiss a men but boy do I want to kiss his .

    I guess im gay but its so absurd.

    I walk around the street and looks for hot chicks. I dont really care for men physics unless the guy is super hot and have a killer body and still I dont want to kiss him I just want to suck him.

    WTF is that about?

    I want and do cuddle with my GF all the time. Am I Bi? Im really torn about that. We are planning a future together and I dont know if I should.
    Should I give it all up and fullfill my sexual desires? I dont know, maybe im gay and I refuse to really admit it to myself but why all that attraction to women. I walk the street and god damn I find them hot but sexually its another story

    Heres one last thing. My GF is a person that doesnt really appreciate sex. Apprently a lot of girls are like that. I have had two girls in my life and the with the other girl, I used to have a hard time getting it on. The humiliation felt there, being not able to get it hard, was enough to never try to cheat on my GF again. The problem is that with whoever I would feel like fuckin, boy or girl, my 'get it hard' problem haunts me.

    Another thing. I have had problems, again to get it hard, with the guy I did sex with in teenage years... I finally fixed that up to with the guy.

    oh boy I need a therapy icon_biggrin.gif






  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Mar 18, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    you sound like me, rare breed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    Sounds like you're bi and questioning.

    Sexuality exists on a spectrum, you'll figure it out.
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    Mar 19, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    silverfox saidAround here, you are "another guy without a pic". icon_biggrin.gif

    not anymore!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    you're a ('don't label me') bro.
    Deal with it...you're not alone. I see a poly relationship in your future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    You're bi-SEXUAL. I'm similar to you actually except I like topping only. I like making out with girls (they feel "cleaner" to me when kissing if that makes sense). Love cuddling with girls, holding them tight in my arms and hearing that little sigh from her (like she feels safe with me). Sex with girls, however, is just ok and I actually just stopped hooking up with girls altogether in my early 30's.

    Hooking up with guys is something completely different. I have to be attracted to the guy but when I am, it is really great. (I am a top only though). Even with that, I feel grossed out by kissing, except with certain guys. I have a germ thing and so I have to be really attracted to the guy to override the gross factor. I need therapy too man.
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    You and only you can decide what you are. What you need is not therapy but more experimentation with guys and girls. You are only 24 years old and with the same girl for 7 years. Dump her and start playing the field -- for both teams. After a few seasons under your belt you can decide what lablel you may want to apply to yourself.
  • YJacket

    Posts: 146

    Mar 19, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    Brace yourself:

    You're French-Canadian. There's no hope.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    murphythecat saidNew here and need help understanding what I am.
    You're a cat. It says so in your screenname.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 19, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Doon't knw that you need to cump the girlfriend, but you certainly need to let her know wht is going on before making any long term promises, like marriage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    You are Bi-sexual
    Or more importantly, Pansexual.

    All you have to do is admit to yourself what you like (you did that) and then let your friends know that is how you feel. You will find who truly is your friend and who supports your duality and feelings icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    I'm in a Psychology Class for this right now actually icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    You sound like a lot of self hating gays of faith who are married to women, and mess around with men on the side. I suggest you make Peace with this and yourself, for your own happiness and the happiness of those you will be intimate in the future. I'm not a professionally studied psychologist, but I've been around the block several times. Focus on happiness, being who YOU ARE, and the thoughts that lead you there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    you're just sexual. don't think about it too much. just go with it. but play safe.
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    Mar 19, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    It's funny. You asked for help narrowing down your identity, but probably just got an accurate representation of the voices in your head.

    We tend to be remarkable judges of what path leads to greater self-fulfillment, but there's a lot of noise in the decision making process. My suggestion is to relax, take a bath or something. When your head is clear, without thinking, say, "okay, I will do ----"
    Of course, you don't have to stick to it, but you may find it the best option and if nothing else it'll bring a moment of clarity into the discourse.

    Sorry if my english is too obtuse. icon_smile.gif
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    Mar 19, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    Hey monsieur le chat - attraction and repulsion are funny things. Before I came out, my attraction to men was very fragmentary; the idea of kissing or actual sex freaked me out but touching a guy really turned me on. The first time I topped a guy I HATED it and didn't do it again for ages. As I came out and started to date, I would occasionally experience an almost instantaneous change, when I was with the right guy or just passed some sort of threshold, and something that previously repelled me suddenly became appealing (kissing, intercourse, etc.). Obviously different from your circumstances, but I think we all have secrets in us that just take the right experiential key to reveal. So I'd say talk to your girlfriend about what you're thinking; she may be willing to share you or she may want to take some time off or break up, but in either case, you not enjoying sex with her is something she deserves to know about, especially considering you're making life plans together and your problem is not going to go away on its own. And either way you can explore your desires - try being with a guy again and the other bits of him besides his dick may start to seem more appealing. If not... That's an answer too. Just bear in mind that if you have any hangups or fear about being with men, it won't be resolved overnight, and hurrying too much might make it worse.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:32 AM GMT
    You're bisexual and your difficulties getting hard might be coming from your confusion. It's okay to be bisexual. You don't have to be gay or straight.
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:42 AM GMT
    gumbosolo saidHey monsieur le chat - attraction and repulsion are funny things. Before I came out, my attraction to men was very fragmentary; the idea of kissing or actual sex freaked me out but touching a guy really turned me on. The first time I topped a guy I HATED it and didn't do it again for ages. As I came out and started to date, I would occasionally experience an almost instantaneous change, when I was with the right guy or just passed some sort of threshold, and something that previously repelled me suddenly became appealing (kissing, intercourse, etc.). Obviously different from your circumstances, but I think we all have secrets in us that just take the right experiential key to reveal. So I'd say talk to your girlfriend about what you're thinking; she may be willing to share you or she may want to take some time off or break up, but in either case, you not enjoying sex with her is something she deserves to know about, especially considering you're making life plans together and your problem is not going to go away on its own. And either way you can explore your desires - try being with a guy again and the other bits of him besides his dick may start to seem more appealing. If not... That's an answer too. Just bear in mind that if you have any hangups or fear about being with men, it won't be resolved overnight, and hurrying too much might make it worse.
    Solid advice overall, but I wonder what the OP wants to do vis a vis the relationship? Sounds like there's a lot on your mind, and you might want to give some thought to being single and exploring things for a while (if you haven't already).

    The one thing I do hope you take away from this thread from some of the other posters is that sexuality is a continuum, and not everybody fits into easily-defined categories. You're not alone.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 19, 2012 9:00 AM GMT
    Well first, welcome to RJ! I hope you enjoy the site and have some fun and build friendships while you are here....

    You are probably bi, but my suggestion is that you ultimately explore those desires, so long as you don't hurt your girlfriend's feelings. How will you know what you are and what you like if you don't explore them?
    Just be careful with what you are doing.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Mar 19, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    murphythecat said
    silverfox saidAround here, you are "another guy without a pic". icon_biggrin.gif

    not anymore!



    Touché!!!!


    Ok let me amend my earlier post....


    Around here, just another cute guy without a "verified" pic.!


    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    murphythecat said...Im with my GF for 7 years now....sex is soso. I enjoy sex with her but I feel that im missing something.

    I used to ed in my teen years with a boy and I loved it. I especially remember how easily I came when bottomed.

    I never kissed a guy and I never felt the urge to kiss guys. I definitly find a women more 'beautiful' but I feel probably more attracted to the sexual posibilities that a men can bring me: Put it in my mouth or up my .
    I dont want to kiss a men but boy do I want to kiss his .

    I guess im gay but its so absurd.

    I walk around the street and looks for hot chicks. I dont really care for men physics unless the guy is super hot and have a killer body and still I dont want to kiss him I just want to suck him.

    WTF is that about?...

    +
    Captain_Awesome saidYou sound like a lot of self hating gays of faith who are married to women, and mess around with men on the side. I suggest you make Peace with this and yourself, for your own happiness and the happiness of those you will be intimate in the future. I'm not a professionally studied psychologist, but I've been around the block several times. Focus on happiness, being who YOU ARE, and the thoughts that lead you there.

    =
    A very long time ago, I also did not kiss guys, maybe my late teens, possibly as late as 20, before my first 2-year relationship which started in my junior year. I knew I was gay since I was about three years old and I was never self-hating because of it, though how the world viewed and treated gay people always disturbed me and likely I patterned some of behavior based upon that. For instance, even all these years later, kissing I reserve for love.

    Not because I am self-hating. Even now, 30 years later, there are only minimal opportunities for young people to view examples of healthy gay love in the mass media, or even in public real life few times do we see men kiss men and rarely if ever are they passionate kisses. We hardly ever see men holding hands or being very affectionate with each other like heterosexuals get to express themselves in public. We've only recently gotten a few TV & movies spots.

    Kissing & romance, as they are publicly displayed, are often foreign to gay men. If it weren't for subtitles, we might not even get the plot, especially when we are young, even if we love ourselves. especially when our fear of what the world thinks of us overpowers that love. We have to rewrite notions of what is natural which has been imprinted upon our brains by the heterosexual society which raised us. That doesn't make us self-hating. Just like a bird which imprints upon his human care giver probably doesn't hate himself when he learns that he can fly.



  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 19, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    You're planning to marry a woman ?
    You will still want sex with men.
    Do you think that the woman you marry will allow that ?
    You'll be sneaking around to have sex with men.
    When your wife finds out, your marriage will be over.

    It's unfair to her.
    It's unfair to any kids you have.
    And, it's unfair to you.

    You're either gay or bisexual.
    Choose the one with whom you enjoy having sex.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Mar 19, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    Check out the Kinsey Scale - just for a reference, and maybe listen to the last 200 episodes of the "Savage Lovecast".

    I'd say be happy, sleep with who you want, and it's no one else's business how you label yourself and always have safe sex!
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    Mar 19, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    FredPDX saidI'd say be happy, sleep with who you want, and it's no one else's business how you label yourself and always have safe sex!

    Amen!
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Mar 19, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidYou are probably bi, but my suggestion is that you ultimately explore those desires, so long as you don't hurt your girlfriend's feelings. How will you know what you are and what you like if you don't explore them?
    Just be careful with what you are doing.

    Agreed. You need to talk with your GF if you are going to do any more sexperimenting now, or if you are making plans for your relationship. If it ends, the time to end it is before you are on the path to marriage/kids.
    You are what you are - and your awareness of it may change. Before sexperiminenting with another guy (if that's what you are thinking) Try watching a lot of gay porno, and see how you feel, and if you get aroused. Your dick will tell you if you are turned on by gay sex. If you decide to have sex with guys (and your cuteness factor should make that easy) , there are always drugs to help with the hard/soft problem - google viagra, and you'll find a ton of info. Get a prescription from a doctor, though, and don't buy from an online ad - those drugs are fake.