White guy dating black guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    So hmmm, question. Since I came out, I've been mostly attracted to black or latino guys, especially guys that are really thug or street. I think something about the confidence and machismo those guys have, it really makes me feel secure. Damn, I sound like a chic.

    Anywaaaaaay, the last guy I dated, when we broke up, told me I was racist, that I "fetishized" race as a sexual quality. So my question is, can preferring minorities or dating them exclusively be as racist as not wanting to date minorities because you're not attracted to them.
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Mar 19, 2012 6:48 AM GMT
    oozyrat saidSo hmmm, question. Since I came out, I've been mostly attracted to black or latino guys, especially guys that are really thug or street. I think something about the confidence and machismo those guys have, it really makes me feel secure. Damn, I sound like a chic.

    Anywaaaaaay, the last guy I dated, when we broke up, told me I was racist, that I "fetishized" race as a sexual quality. So my question is, can preferring minorities or dating them exclusively be as racist as not wanting to date minorities because you're not attracted to them.


    So long as you understand that most black and latino guys aren't street thugs.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Mar 19, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    I sort of agree with your ex, there are tons of guys who fetishize race and for a lot of men of color that is a huge turn off. I think there is a difference in saying "I find a lot of black men attractive" vs "I'm only into black guys". It implies that it is their skin color you are attracted to and not them as a person. I don't think that applies to just race either, I feel the same way about older guys dating younger guys and vice versa. I've dated older guys who I felt found me attractive and liked me, but I've also gone out with older guys who seem like they just wanted to be with a younger guy.
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Mar 19, 2012 7:51 AM GMT
    Well, it's not so much who you date, but why you date them.

    So, I'm guessing your ex wasn't "thuggish?"
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Mar 19, 2012 8:33 AM GMT
    Haha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.
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    Mar 19, 2012 11:11 AM GMT
    buddha_the_god saidHaha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.


    Those who go looking for racism are always sure to find it icon_wink.gif

    To the OP: if you're dating them because they seem "thug" or "street", you may want to ask yourself why that would be. Many black and latin people find those characterizations offensive, or at least embarrassing, and it's a prickly stereotype.

    If black and latin people in the US all suddenly were comfortably working or middle class, would you suddenly have no one you were attracted to?
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    Mar 19, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    buddha_the_god saidHaha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.


    I know, right? Kinda shocked me to be accused of being racist, when I really only date non-white guys. I've had this discussion before with a lot of bfs: i'm pretty much middle America, white-bread, and I probably come off as very June Cleaver to most guys I date, but that's what attracts me to them, being sort of raw and edgy. I think it's the same thing as white girls dating bad boys, I don't see how it has anything to do with race itself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    oozyrat said
    If black and latin people in the US all suddenly were comfortably working or middle class, would you suddenly have no one you were attracted to?


    Well...what are you doing this weekend....
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Mar 21, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    oozyrat said
    buddha_the_god saidHaha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.


    I know, right? Kinda shocked me to be accused of being racist, when I really only date non-white guys. I've had this discussion before with a lot of bfs: i'm pretty much middle America, white-bread, and I probably come off as very June Cleaver to most guys I date, but that's what attracts me to them, being sort of raw and edgy. I think it's the same thing as white girls dating bad boys, I don't see how it has anything to do with race itself.


    I think fetishizing race and being a racist are two different things, though the former is often a symptom of the later. You just equated you being attracted to black guys to girls being attracted to bad boys. So in that analogy you are saying black = bad basically, which sounds a bit racist even if your heart is in the right place.

    Would you be attracted to a thugish white guy, like an Eminem type? And would you be attracted to a clean cut, educated black guy?

    What our hearts and our dicks want isn't always the most politically correct thing in the world, but sometimes it does help to think about where these feelings are coming from.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    buddha_the_god saidHaha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.



    Now that's interesting, and a real conundrum; a no-win situation.

  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Mar 21, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    jackthejock said
    oozyrat said
    buddha_the_god saidHaha so white guys are racist for not dating colored men, and racist for dating colored guys. Damn you guys have it tough.


    I know, right? Kinda shocked me to be accused of being racist, when I really only date non-white guys. I've had this discussion before with a lot of bfs: i'm pretty much middle America, white-bread, and I probably come off as very June Cleaver to most guys I date, but that's what attracts me to them, being sort of raw and edgy. I think it's the same thing as white girls dating bad boys, I don't see how it has anything to do with race itself.


    I think fetishizing race and being a racist are two different things, though the former is often a symptom of the later. You just equated you being attracted to black guys to girls being attracted to bad boys. So in that analogy you are saying black = bad basically, which sounds a bit racist even if your heart is in the right place.

    Would you be attracted to a thugish white guy, like an Eminem type? And would you be attracted to a clean cut, educated black guy?

    What our hearts and our dicks want isn't always the most politically correct thing in the world, but sometimes it does help to think about where these feelings are coming from.


    100% agreed. It's like those girls who want a gay friend because they see them as campy, nonsexual fashion advisors by default. It's insulting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    Whats_Going_On_In_This_Thread_Huge_Colle

    Cause, you know, its just been so long since we had THIS discussion!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    Is it really so difficult to pick up a damn dictionary and look up the word "racism"? icon_rolleyes.gif You queens just love to scream "racism" at everything. If the boy likes him some black dick, let him eat black dick till the cows come home. Ain't no skin off your nose. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidIs it really so difficult to pick up a damn dictionary and look up the word "racism"? icon_rolleyes.gif You queens just love to scream "racism" at everything. If the boy likes him some black dick, let him eat black dick till the cows come home. Ain't no skin off your nose. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Okay, let's do that...

    from www.merriam-webster.com (bold parts for emphasis)

    rac·ism
    noun ˈrā-ˌsi-zəm also -ˌshi-
    Definition of RACISM
    1
    : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
    2
    : racial prejudice or discrimination

    prej·u·dice
    noun ˈpre-jə-dəs
    Definition of PREJUDICE
    2
    a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics

    No one in this thread outright called the OP racist except his ex. Though some have pointed out that his preference for Black and Latino guys are based on racial stereotypes (ie. "a preconceived judgment"). Prejudice in and of itself isn't racist, we do it all the time. But prejudice can form the basis for actual racism.

    I'm pretty sure no one in this thread gives two shits what kind of dick he's sucking. It was the OP himself that brought the specific topic up for discussion. (Try looking that one up.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    ^^But isnt it fair to say he doesnt like all black guys, just really street and thug black guys?
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Mar 21, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    Chainers said^^But isnt it fair to say he doesnt like all black guys, just really street and thug black guys?


    That's what he makes clear in the OP. What's interesting is how he says his ex felt fetishized - maybe he misjudged his character, and he wasn't "street" at all?

    Nothing wrong with fetishizing, so long as both guys are on the same page - just call it what it really is.