My Sexuality Does NOT Define Me

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    Mar 19, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    Have you heard this one before? to me it's on a par with

    -my ethnicity does not define me
    -my country of birth does not define me
    -my culture does not define me
    -my gender does not define me
    -my physical attributes do not define me
    -my upbringing does not define me
    -my religion does not define me

    Basically, all of these you are basically born into, or you get from your parents or society... I'm always wondering.. most people who say sexuality does not define them will quickly define them in the terms I see above, and be proud of them.. so is it simply a lack of acceptance of one's sexuality to say that "one's sexuality does not define one"?
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:01 PM GMT

    I think it depends on how someone defines their sexuality.

    For some, like us, sexuality and romance/love etc are intertwined, therefore a BIG definer. For some, their sexuality is just rubbing one out in private. And there are all those varying degrees in between.

    -Doug
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    define "heard this before".
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    ^ yeah for me its huge.. my sexuality decides whom I date.. thus whom I marry... to me thats a pretty huge deal, thus a pretty huge definer
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saiddefine "heard this before".


    Notice this thread is sarcastic about defining as well?
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    Personally, while our sexuality should not totally define us, it should definitely define a part of who we are. I mean, being LGBT IS a part of who we are and there is no way around that nor is there any way to deny that.

    Personally, many things define and make up who I am:
    -My mixed race heritage
    -My Christian (United Methodist) faith
    -My American upbringing
    -My very hairy body
    -My male gender
    -My queer (male/male) sexuality

    It would be utter nonsense for me to deny that these things make up who I am, including my sexuality.

    As for the whole "My sexuality does not define me" line, I think that some of the reason for it comes from the negative perception that the LGBT community has, especially when it comes to men, i.e. being perceived as coke snorting, club hopping, nymphomaniacs.
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    for me its a part of me, but does not define me, it guides certain choices but not all

    for some people it does define them but each person experiences, choices, and interests are their own

  • Erakhalnum

    Posts: 102

    Mar 19, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    Isn’t it just a counter-reaction against people who define a gay person only as gay and nothing more?
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    My total lack of taste in shoes defines me.
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    They should just
    vogue
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    jerseywoof saidfor me its a part of me, but does not define me, it guides certain choices but not all

    for some people it does define them but each person experiences, choices, and interests are their own

    ditto that
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    RunintheCity saidThey should just

    She dresses quite provocatively for a religious figure.
    Does the Church know about this?


    Of course they know. How do you think they dress and behave when they're not in public and out of those cassocks? Benedict probably has a custom Christian LaCroix "chastity belt" covered in sapphires and diamonds under his!
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    I think for whatever reason people forget that even if you don't' think of yourself in those terms, the more important factor is that other people think of you in those terms and that effects your status and standing within society.

    So I mean I could go around telling people I'm not white because race is a social construct but in addition to them thinking I'm a douchebag, most everyone does define me as white and I am so labeled.
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    So theres always one guy/dickhead who gives an academic/serious view on every topic and in this case its going to be me icon_smile.gif lol


    I don't think that when someone says that, they are ashamed of their sexuality or in favour of their other definitions over their orientation, but should be seen that when defined by one of those factors, its usually in a negative light, or stems from negative ideological values.

    Sexuality, like femininity and masculinity are politically social constructions (sexuality as in how it is represented and portrayed, not orientation). And so like other examples, for instance gender roles, when people are defined by such, it is usually from a negative view point, and in terms of homosexuality, the mainstream views and representations (although being challenged) are not exactly in favour of itself. Which is why i think so many people are needing to state that, due to the fear of being typecasted and put in the stereotypical box of gay.
    I think its interesting too that, no matter what factor it is, sexuality, ethnicity etc, no one is hardly ever saying i AM defined by that and so forth. because from my point of view, we all are defined by all of the above and so so what. but i think rejection of that factor being a 'definer' stems from what is precedented over the rest, or seen as more expressed that people begin to question whether its a good thing to be proud of.

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    Mar 19, 2012 3:08 PM GMT
    I think that statement just refers to how people choose to define themselves or how they prefer to be defined. It doesn't ignore the fact that they're gay. It just means that isn't all they are. It's just one factor and may not be the most important factor in their personality.

    Sure, I'm gay but that isn't how I want to solely be defined. I don't want to be my friend's "gay friend" just like I don't want to be their "white friend" even though I'm both gay and white. Sure, some people will define me solely that way. That's just a fact but it isn't my preference. I don't hate being gay or white. I'd just prefer to be thought of as other things first that are more important to me and how I define myself.
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    Mar 19, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    adam228 saidI think for whatever reason people forget that even if you don't' think of yourself in those terms, the more important factor is that other people think of you in those terms and that effects your status and standing within society.

    So I mean I could go around telling people I'm not white because race is a social construct but in addition to them thinking I'm a douchebag, most everyone does define me as white and I am so labeled.


    What people label you does not (or should not) define who you truly are. If everyone in a room calls you a douchebag are you? If you go around a bunch of homophobic people and they call you fag are you a fag?

    Your sexuality "can" define you but it shouldn't. My personality is not based out of sexual preference.
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    Mar 19, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    No, your tiny hands and freakishly close eyes do.
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    Mar 19, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    Like your race or your culture you can be proud of it but being gay does not define who you are. It's just simply another facet of your person.

    The sad fact is there are many simpletons out there who automatically think they know everything about you just because you like sucking cock.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Mar 19, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    It`s just another way of saying that there`s more to myself than a cock receptacle.
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    Mar 19, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    alittlecurious saidYour sexuality "can" define you but it shouldn't. My personality is not based out of my sexual preference.



    Like it or not, your sexual preference is one of many factors that shape your personality. I think the problem with the phrase, "My sexuality does not define me" is that it can be read as a denial of who you are. I don't like the phrase, but I have to admit I have on occasion said it a discussion where it is just automatically assumed I like something like Desperate Housewives or Lady Gaga. I guess I should probably be more conscious of saying what I really mean, "My sexual orientation is only one part of me."
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Mar 19, 2012 7:56 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidThey should just
    vogue


    How come you always post great stuff? How come? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:05 PM GMT
    No...because sexuality isn't this all encompassing thing that consumes every aspect of your life, so why should it define you?
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Definition of Define-State or describe exactly the nature

    Sexuality is somewhat of a defining factore, just like all of the other things you mentioned. It is a description of who you are and it makes up a large part of your life. Like marriage, children etc as someone stated.

    However. No one can ever nor should want to be defined by one aspect of who they are, because we are not one layer human beings. We have depth...even though some of us are shallow we all have diversity that make us unique.

    But,
    Before I came out, I remember how guys who were out almost seemed to lose their entire identity. It was like they became the token "gay" guy and that is all people tended to remember. Even when you watch shows on the real world, people label people as, "the black guy" the "gay guy" etc.

    I think people won't say sexuality does not define them because of fear of their sexual orientation, but moreso the fear that it is all others will ever see them as.

    I am gay but that's not all I am
    I am black but that is not all I am

    but people label us so easily and act as if those are my only qualities. So the need to say I am more than that and it does not define me is valid. At least for me.
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    I think one should define ones self, for example of course my sexuality defines part of who I am, the way I grew up, the way I think, the way I act And the people I chose to be sourranded with. You can let whatever you want define you, your race, your gender, even your carrer.
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    Mar 19, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    I was defined by my sexuality after I came out. I had to fight against my religion based shame. I fought, and took no prisoners. I regret some of the choices I made, but I will never hide or feel shame for who I am.

    I have marched in pride parades, taken part in conventions, flamed out in the stereotypical ways with my gay friends, done stereotypically gay things to feel as if I belonged. We all do things like that.

    At 43, I couldn't give a shit abut any of it. My gayness doesn't define me. I define who I am, and I fuck guys. My gayness is a facet of who I am, and I won't let others perceptions make my reality.