Boyfriend ONLY likes oral

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    Mar 19, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months now. and the first time we tried anal, he lost his hard on within a minute or so. he told me "emotionally," he wasn't ready yet. this was about a month after we met. he was single for seven years before he met me and before that with another guy for 8 years, who cheated on him. he told me a few nights before we did it that his ex was a great bottom... (not really a turn on to hear how good his ex was in bed!!) which eventually led into him wanting to try it with me.
    he told me that anal isn't his favorite thing to do (but his ex was apparently a great bottom...?), but i've expressed to him time after time it's actually MY favorite thing to do. but he doesn't really care. he refuses to bottom. won't top. we did try it a few more times, but he lost his hard on again. most of the time during sex, i initiate it (about 90% of the time) and i give him a blowjob and he gets off then says he wants to watch me jack off... so i basically have to get myself off. he won't suck me off or do anything that i like unless i tell him to or ask him to.
    should i be concerned that after 6 months he isnt ready yet?? the problem isnt a lack of attraction, hes extremely attracted to me, i'm 6'5, 165 pds, good shape, really good looking, athletic. although i cant help but feel insecure because of this.....
    ive tried talking to him about it but he either gets defensive or changes the subject. and ive tried initiating it a few times but he gives me the whole "not in the mood lets just do oral."
    what do i do... i love pleasing him and seeing him get off but what about me? i cant be with someone that claims to not like anal sex...
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    Mar 20, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    A female friend had the same issue, her boyfriend didn't really want to have sex at all and she couldn't stand it. She even accused him of being gay which I thought was going too far. Sex wasn't a priority in his life.

    I'd say after being single for seven years (if he hasn't had a hook up in that time) he's used to looking after himself and the last relationship he had ended negatively and that left an impression on him in regards to intimacy.
    It'll take time to readjust if you're willing to wait (if it happens at all) but your last sentence says that you're not.
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    Mar 20, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    Newsflash: Not everyone likes anal sex.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Mar 20, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    theantijock saidNewsflash: Not everyone likes anal sex.

    This. But I also think you two need to communicate better about why he doesn't like it. It could be a variety of things that have nothing to do with you or his feelings about you.

    It took me a while to get over my issues with anal sex. A lot of it was my own insecurities and being raised that the ass was filthy and dirty. I still don't go there immediately unless I'm comfortable with the person and I know things are tidy down there.

    I can relate to your boyfriend because for a long time I was afraid to talk about it also with BFs because I felt like I was dumb for feeling that way. Your underlying problem here isn't that your BF doesn't like anal sex, it's that you two have bad communication about your sex life.