Ugly Duck Syndrome

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    Mar 20, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    Ugly Duck Syndrome is a term used to described people who were teased as children because of their looks, but now are the ones who are pined after because they grew up into their looks. However, UDS is someone deadly for the person because they feel that once they lose the validation and compliments, they won't feel attractive anymore. Let me ask you this, do you suffer from UDS or have you suffered from it.?
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    Mar 20, 2012 11:50 AM GMT
    Well, this isn't really a psychological concept so much as a popular idea that children who are teased grow up and are actually quite attractive but don't realize it.

    I think that is too simple of an explanation. It's not JUST teasing that lead to poor self-image.

    My problem is more an internal vs external battle. I am extremely confident in my internal qualities but it does help to get compliments about my external qualities from time to time.

    I think its more common with gay people. I'm dating someone who has this problem. I want to help him, but its something that is hard to grow out of. He's a dancer and a&F model but he can't seem to think of himself as attractive. It's kind of sad, but I understand it takes more than just compliments to really believe you're a valuable person.
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    Mar 20, 2012 12:25 PM GMT
    Me! I suffer from Ugly Duckling Syndrome.

    I was teased and humiliated relentlessly in my elementary school years for various different things. I was teased because I was fat and I spent most of my time by myself (I did have friends though, but people tried to convince me I didn't and that was why I was alone).

    Having gone through the larger weight loss that I did being in my college years, I am seeing a lot more validation in my attractiveness; I get far more compliments on my appearance these days. A lot of "very cute" and even the occasional "sexy" gets thrown into the mix. But yeah, the years of constant teasing and cruelty by my classmates have left irreversible scars in my self-perception and psyche. I'm doing better-ish these days, but I'm nonetheless very self-aware and critical of my own appearance.
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    Mar 20, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    I've been teased and humiliated my entire life. I am getting compliments now, but I still see myself as the ugly duckling - so I don't know what that's called.

    Except something I will get over as time moves forward. It's hard for your brain to catch up with the changes in your body sometimes.
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    Mar 20, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    Definitely have UDS, and have said so from the time I was an ugly kid. And when I became an adult, and tried to conform and date women (rejecting the possibility I could be gay), very few would have me. It was my military uniform and income security that attracted a handfull, but never the guy inside the uniform they wanted, partly why the relationships failed.

    Until I came out gay. Suddenly guys were telling me I was handsome, something no woman ever said to me. Of course I knew they exaggerated, a gay game we all play, but at least I could pretend. And believe that men saw things in me that never appealed to women, but which worked in a man's gay world. In other words, I had found my element, where I was only half as ugly as I'd been just the day before, with different rules applying.

    Now I'm old and fully ugly again, but that was inevitable, to be expected. But thanks to coming out in the nick of time I had at least 10 years when I wasn't so much an ugly duck anymore, and if only for that single reason I will always be happy I finally began to call myself a gay man. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Celticmusl

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    Mar 20, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    The bf and I have been discussing this all weekend, after spending some time with some of my high school friends on St Pats day. I was treated fine at school, but growing up at home I was called fat, lazy, and stupid on a daily basis. Anyone that was interested in me in school or gave me a compliment didn't really resonate with me. I usually just assumed they had an ulterior motive or was just teasing me. I was even voted "cutest dimples" one year and I just assumed it was because I liked to laugh and make jokes.

    The bf had some issues regarding bullying and the usual ugly duckling syndrome. Now he is 7% bodyfat and muscular, lol.
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    Mar 20, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    AFLAC!
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    Mar 20, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    Is the opposite of Ugly Duckling Syndrome called Blanche Devereaux Syndrome?

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    Mar 20, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    I was teased constantly because of my looks. I remember at one point one back in 1989/1990 when a 4th grade classmates came up to me and asked if I was adopted. I said no and asked her why she said because my mom was beautiful and could not understand how I can be her son.

    I was teased most of my life because of how I looked. I still have a low self-esteem on my looks because of my childhood.
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    Mar 20, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    Yeah UDS is a real thing lol. During my school years as a kid I was always super skinny and tall. They used to tell me to stay inside because if the wind blow it will take me up. Its funny now LOL but back then all the name calling etc really did make me feel bad.

    Changing school did not help either because every where I went, my pants was higher than usual, my socks were almost up to my knees and my hair was side path with oil, my mother also dusted my face with baby powder. They called me Grandpa and Fag.

    Even up to my last years in high school I avoided other students, I would stay inside and if I needed to go out I would wait until classes were in session so I don't meet up any on in the hallways.

    It was real humiliating and it was always on my mind who is going to say what next.

    I only stopped caring when my mother outed me in school. Now when I see my old classmates they are all married and fat - not that anythings wrong with that- but I guess attitude alway change into looks.
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    Mar 20, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    To call this shit pseudoscientific would put pseudoscientists to shame.


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    Mar 20, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile saidIs the opposite of Ugly Duckling Syndrome called Blanche Devereaux Syndrome?



    I definitely have that!