Can I only go wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    I was wondering why I always find myself in awkward relationships with closeted men who declare themselves straight or just never knew they were gay. I am currently in one now, and as appealing as having the token straight guy fall for you, it actually sucks donkey nuts.

    And they are the only men I seem to mesh with emotionally, which leads to a physical "meshing" sometimes. And heaven forbid their girlfriends know I am gay, because I do NOT deny it. Once the gf of a straight friend learns I'm gay she starts to become suspicious of her bf hanging out with me, regardless of if we are having sex. And before I know it, I either lose a friend or he becomes distant.

    I don't fit in at gay clubs, and believe me I have tried. I tried to relate to them but I just can't. Conversations lead to dead ends, either they become bored, or I become bored, usually both. I can't stand drag shows unless I'm wasted. But I don't feel like I fit in at straight clubs either. I bond with the people there easier, but at the end of the night, I once again go home alone.

    Making friends with straight girls also ends badly. My last friend who was a girl cut me off because she said she was falling for me and couldn't settle for less than what SHE wanted. But I wasn't mad at her, so is life. You like who you like, and if you can't have them, you need distance to heal.

    I've tried a vast majority of drugs to help the social situation. It helps with straight people, but I can NEVER relate to gays.

    I've gotten to the point where I am considering going to lesbian bars. It's the ONLY thing I haven't tried. Do gay men prefer someone more sensitive acting? Or do gay men ignore me in a crowd of other men because I'm too masculine - they see me as too macho and not gay so they move on? Or am I just socially daft!?!?!
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    Mar 20, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    "Haste to disgrace the traitor, do not wait 'til later." - Jesse Lacey
  • XiongWei

    Posts: 89

    Mar 20, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    Maybe you're just meeting the wrong gays? You know just cause you don't have much in common doesn't mean that you can't have conversations or be friends. I have gay friends who I have little to nothing in common with other than the fact that I like men , just the same as i have straight male and female friends. No lesbians though. Fucking Dykes. (I am joking by the way).

    I mean really - I don't think I need to explain that being gay doesn't dictate your personality - and it takes all sorts to make up the world - therefore there are bound to be guys out there with things in common with you - and not all of them will be straight.
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Mar 20, 2012 5:00 PM GMT
    Yeah there's something not right. It seems you keep repeatedly doing something you don't like or don't want to without knowing why. I think you may need help figuring it out. I doubt it's because you haven't met the right guy yet. To be honest that sounds like wishful thinking and an easy way to avoid looking at issues that are negatively impacting your relationships. There is an obvious pattern here and it'd be great to figure out why.
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    Mar 20, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    You sound like a lot of my friends... and some of them are in their 50s and 60s and still bitter/confused/pissed

    gay life is grand.. and is more than clubs, its literature, music, art, etc.

    Great book, kind of describes your post, "The Velvet Rage", by Alan Downs
    the tag line is Growing up Gay in a Straight World" .. the key is GROWING
    many guys never grow into being gay.

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Straight/dp/0738210617/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332263089&sr=1-2

    The-Velvet-Rage-9780738210612.jpg
  • xKorix

    Posts: 607

    Mar 20, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidYou sound like a lot of my friends... and some of them are in their 50s and 60s and still bitter/confused/pissed


    This=scary. Do not want. Looks and personality don't mean much if you're(don't necessarily mean you OP) emotionally/psychologically crippled or stunted and incapable of maintaining lasting or meaningful relationships. I want to do as much as I can to avoid that kind of fate.