Hesitant about approaching certain types of guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Does anyone else get hesitant about approaching types of guys that you have a history of rejection from? For example, I have a history of tall men rejecting me (often times rather bluntly) on the basis of my short stature. I have the same history with Asian/white guys who often times explain they prefer white guys.

    When I see a guy who I'm attracted to who happens to be tall or Asian/white, I get this mental block that prevents me from approaching him because I start to think "He probably only likes guys who are at least 6 ft tall" or "He's probably only into white guys". The reluctance to approach is partly because I don't think my fragile ego can handle many more "repeat rejections" and also partly because I don't want to waste my time on someone who is probably not into me from the get go.

    How do you get over this kind of defeatist attitude? Or should I just give in to the mental block for practicality's sake?

    (PLEASE don't turn this thread into a race flame war.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    I don't have a history of rejection, but I am very hesitant about approaching guys. My mental blocks are "He's straight" or "He's out of your league". Self defeating attitudes suck, and they're difficult to break too bah icon_cry.gif However, giving in isn't the best option. I've found that there are ways to "reprogram" your brain to overcome these attitudes but they require time and dedication, along with a bit of reading. I won't go into the details because I'm not a psychologist and all I'll be doing is confusing you further.
  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Mar 21, 2012 8:14 AM GMT
    take a shot of vodka, try again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    stark93 saidtake a shot of vodka, try again.


    That helps. But a shot of vodka isn't always available icon_neutral.gif
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Mar 21, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Think of yourself as a company trying to target a particular market. Are you offering what that market wants, or do you need to change something?

    Once you are happy with the 'product' you are offering (i.e. your best you), then go talk to them, i.e. sell yourself. And don't prejudge people. The sales people in a firm aren't going to think to themselves, "Oh, I'd better not talk to Mr Smith, because he probably wants this in a slightly different colour / he's having his dinner / he's already in a relationship / his dog might be ill / [some other lame reason]". No, they'll grab the bull by the horns and go and tell people about their products and hope to make a sale. Further, they'll expect "no" from many people......and then it just becomes a numbers game, that, statistically, they've got to get through a certain number of "no"s before they get a "yes".

    Follow? Think along the same lines.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    How do you pick out the guy you like to make contact? Do you cruise them to check if there is any reciprocal interest before approaching them? Or do you just walk upto them ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    I'm hesitant to approach any guy who is less hot than Channing Tattum.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    I met a guy some years ago who -- while not what the mainstream would consider "hot" -- did the best he could with what life gave him, by which I mean he was always dressed sharp, groomed, fit and CONFIDENT. He told me he got play from guys that were "out of his league" simply by having the balls to walk up and start talking to them.

    Of course he turned out to be a serial cheater and gold digger, but I digress.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    stark93 saidtake a shot of vodka, try again.
    This usually helps me!