I'm devastated => NEED advice!!!

  • mikehs123

    Posts: 9

    Mar 21, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    Hi everyone, my name's Mike and I'm having a very complicated relationship...I mean an affair...I'm not even sure what is it called exactly. Anyway...Let get started.

    I'm 26 years old and his name is Tom- 41 years old. Tom is a college professor. He is also currently in to a relationship with Rick- 41 years old, dance professor. They have been together for over 13 years before we met. They r living way far apart. Rick lives in NY, Tom and I live in LV. They usually meet over the holidays or on their time off.

    Tom and I met through CL. I didnt know Tom has bf at first. We have been seeing each other for over 7 months now, and of course noone knows about us until Rick suddenly showed up at the front door. Rick was very calm and greeted me. He stayed for like 15 mins in the house with us then left. Of course Tom had to drive me home. After Rick came back to NY, Tom said that Rick was sad but he didnt ask much about us and Rick doesnt talk much. So it was kind of weird to me about Rick feeling. He supposed to be extremely upset and told Tom to stop seeing me but he didnt do that. Plus, I have no ideas what Tom told Rick about us.

    I know u guys been thinking what the he*k with me and with Tom and Rick... the answer is he always says to me that he sees Rick as a brother now, but of course i dont buy it. Tom said please hang in there for him cause he does love me and plz hang in there for him...

    Now, Tom is being away for work, so I played with his old phone and found out that he having sex with another guy at least twice behind my back through those text messages. I was shaking and completely in shock seeing these words. We talked on the phone and he said he fu*ked up, he really cares about me, he never wants to hurt me, and doesnt want me to be sad. Tom said that he doesnt know why he does it and he feel regret after it. He also said that he gonna bring that guy to me to confront me that there was nothing between them. He said that he has been thinking about it all the time...and that he misses me so much...

    Now I dont really dont know what to do. He coming back this Friday so I really need you guys advice. I know...I know...I'm a fool but I love him...so...much...this is my 1st btw.

    Thanks for reading! Plz help me.... icon_sad.gif

  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 21, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    If he was in a (albeit undisclosed) non-monogamous relationship with his partner, then it's not that surprising that your relationship with him was non-monogamous, too. It sounds like if you love him and want to be with him, this is something you're going to have to accept about him.
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    He's playing you and a compulsive liar..
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    He's 41, you're 26, and you are the mistress... AND he is fucking someone else too? No, two other people? What?

    You may love him, but he is simply trash who needs a therapy to understand why he has a problem with cheating on the TWO boyfriends that he has. I advise you strongly to move on. You are worth much more than his cheating on you! VALUE yourself.

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    Mar 21, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
    He hasn't found the right one.... and neither have you....
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
    How you got him, is exactly how you keep him. He's no more in love with you than he is/was with Rick, than he is with the other guy(s). You're 26, move on! Problem solved!!
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:15 PM GMT
    If you and him had an understanding that your relationship was "one on one" then you need to collect your self esteem and move on. Otherwise, it seems it's not a given and I don't know thay it should be. After seven months both of you should have some idea where the relationship/friendship is/was headed and what both of you expected from it...

    But, it seems with remarks like "behind my back" from you and "get rid of him / I'm really hurt" from the other man, the both you were & the other man wete not under the impression of it being an open relationship.
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    Please. Tom is a MAJOR player. He probably gave y'all the same spiel just to keep y'all in line. He knows what he is doing is wrong but he doesn't care. He's got his boy toys and he sure is having fun!

    If I were you, I'd do two things: rip out your heart NOW and get it over with. Why stay in love with someone who misled you (and everyone else!!) with deceit? And two: Go. Get. Tested!!!! Who knows what he's been passing around!

    (I'm curious though...you said you're 26 yet your profile said 24.)
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    We've all seen this Lifetime movie, guy. You're "the other woman"...

    You probably won't take any of our advice because, like every other person who has been in your situation since the dawn of time, "it's different this time." I can assure you, it's not. I've been in that situation, my best friend was in that situation, my sister is in that situation right now. It's never, ever different. "The other woman" gets screwed at the end of it.

    If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:34 PM GMT
    Larkin saidWe've all seen this Lifetime movie, guy. You're "the other woman"...
    You probably won't take any of our advice .

    Of course he won't take advice.
    The sensible and obvious solution would have been to dump him immediately. If the OP didn't do this it means he's revelling in the drama of starring in his own soap opera.
    Only when he tires of re-enacting all the traditional humiliations of the "other-woman" role will he chalk this one up to experience.
  • muscletruk

    Posts: 109

    Mar 21, 2012 12:42 PM GMT
    this is a RUN don't walk away deal!! I met guy kinda like him and the 1st thing i thought after "wow the sex is incredible" was if he's got BF and I take him away, it won't belong before someone comes along and take him away from me. If you want a monogamous relationship, find someone of like mind. Don't fall for this guys crap no matter how much you think you love him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    OP................I loved you In the Mr. Universe Competition ( google reverse picture look-up is an amazing tool).........hehehehehe
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 21, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    We've had some weird threads on here lately.....

    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Larkin said[/cite]We've all seen this Lifetime movie, guy. You're "the other woman"...

    You probably won't take any of our advice because, like every other person who has been in your situation since the dawn of time, "it's different this time." I can assure you, it's not. I've been in that situation, my best friend was in that situation, my sister is in that situation right now. It's never, ever different. "The other woman" gets screwed at the end of it.

    If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.[/quote]

    That was my line. I watched this happen too many times.

    Besides, the wife gets all the really good gifts... or so I hear.
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    Mar 21, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    Shawnathan said
    lookinforcars1 saidOP................I loved you In the Mr. Universe Competition ( google reverse picture look-up is an amazing tool).........hehehehehe


    I did that too. Fake pics are worse than no pics.

    tk_4909%2Blow.jpg

    tk_4895%2Bbw%2Blow.jpg

    tar_5808%2Blow.jpg


    Wow. TACKY.

    mikehs123, can you explain this?

    (this should be interesting)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Shawnathan said
    lookinforcars1 saidOP................I loved you In the Mr. Universe Competition ( google reverse picture look-up is an amazing tool).........hehehehehe


    I did that too. Fake pics are worse than no pics.

    tk_4909%2Blow.jpg

    tk_4895%2Bbw%2Blow.jpg

    tar_5808%2Blow.jpg


    Hot men with mustache icon_smile.gif

    Tom is having his cake and eating it too

    I cant believe you're asking advice on this, you know very well what to do. If the situation is real then you should run from this man.

    Rick sounds like the one to chase, just saying icon_smile.gif
  • citypartyboy

    Posts: 187

    Mar 21, 2012 2:02 PM GMT
    My theory for everything in life, is if you have to question it, it probably does/is true/etc.

    That can apply to relationships, or if your shirt makes you look too fat. hahah
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    citypartyboy saidMy theory for everything in life, is if you have to question it, it probably does/is true/etc.


    Like this thread.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Mar 21, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I knew it was a fake from the first sentence where he says he is 26 -- his profile says 24. Some people are such losers they can't even do a FAKE well. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidI knew it was a fake from the first sentence where he says he is 26 -- his profile says 24. Some people are such losers they can't even do a FAKE well. icon_rolleyes.gif
    lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    You should ask him to marry you and complete the delusion that being homosexual is just like being heterosexual minus one female.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    I think tomorrow whoever is doing this needs to come back and now combine all their shit. homophoNic, sexaul predator dating, pissed off college student having an affair with his older college prof who's cell phone always has the answer to all the deceptions. Oh yeah, he's devastated to. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    So, O.P...............if you have enough life experience to work yourself into a Mr. Universe competition..........how come you don't have enough life experience to work yourself OUT of a triangle?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidI knew it was a fake from the first sentence where he says he is 26 -- his profile says 24. Some people are such losers they can't even do a FAKE well. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Is anyone else on here so circumspect of every posting now because there are so many trolls & fakes??? WTF?? They should only let verified profiles post... This is getting ridiculous.

    I suppose it's good for entertainment value but what about legit people with legit questions. I dunno, I guess I'm turning into a cynic... icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    speedobuddy said
    CuriousJockAZ saidI knew it was a fake from the first sentence where he says he is 26 -- his profile says 24. Some people are such losers they can't even do a FAKE well. icon_rolleyes.gif


    Is anyone else on here so circumspect of every posting now because there are so many trolls & fakes??? WTF?? They should only let verified profiles post... This is getting ridiculous.

    I suppose it's good for entertainment value but what about legit people with legit questions. I dunno, I guess I'm turning into a cynic... icon_evil.gif


    Its pretty easy to figure out the troll threads. Most of these are. If they dont have a pic at all, I always assume they are.