Being the happiest you can be...


  • Mar 21, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    Hey everyone!
    So I kinda need relationship advice and wasn't sure wherelse to post this. I'm hoping someone else has been in this situation before.
    Thanks for your time!

    Alright, so I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I'm in college and we're living together and life is really great! We both came out together, go to the same college, belong to the same group of friends, and neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. I love my boyfriend so much and our relationship is so special to me.

    I always take public transportation to get back and forth from school and I started noticing another guy (who is gay) that seemed to be on my same schedule. After a few days he approached me saying that he always sees me here...basically starting conversation. Over the past few weeks, I've gotten to know him better and really look forward to having our conversations. He added me on Facebook and we send friendly messages back in forth continuing our conversations.

    At first I was just assuming he was a friendly guy, but recently I have started picking up on things that make me think he has a crush on me (and I kinda like it?)...lately he's been insisting that we should hang out and go do something, but it's really hard to tell if he is just in it for the friendship or something more.

    He hasn't asked me if I'm single, so I haven't told him about my boyfriend... and a part of me doesn't want him to know. I would never take the initiative to persue him, but at the same time- if he were to persue me...I'm not sure how I would react. This is the first time I have ever felt confused toward another guy (while with my boyfriend).

    It's really hard for me to figure out what's going on. I am so happy with my life right now and love my boyfriend so much-- but there's this thought in the back of my mind that says, "How do you know you're the happiest you can be if you haven't ever been with anyone else?"

    How can I if I've never had anything to compare it to? I dunno...

    My boyfriend has made it perfectly clear that an open-relationship is not okay with him. If I ever were to test a relationship with anyone else, I would never get my boyfriend back...this would severe our entire circle of friends and make our lives extremely difficult. Our lives depend so much on the support from one another, and me leaving would destroy everything.

    I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, but I don't want to act on a little thought that I've only had for a few weeks neither. I feel kinda stuck as to what I should do.

    Thanks for your help,
    -Mitch

    (Hopefully this makes sense to everyone! It's really hard for me to type out exactly what's going on and how I'm feeling. If you have any questions, let me know!)
  • McMacster

    Posts: 94

    Mar 21, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    u have to make a choice then

    a. do you want to risk your relationship?

    b. do you just want to be friends with the guy?





    When you choose a. you just keep on talking and meeting that guy without telling him youre not single
    (one day he will come too near)

    Whe you choose b. you must tell the guy that u have a BF
    It might hurt him, but thats the life
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    Mar 21, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    Yes, you need to tell him you're in a relationship. It doesn't have to be like "Stop talking to me, I have a BF" but you should definitely start mentioning him in conversation and let the other guy adjust accordingly. The fact that you haven't yet done so is telling.

    Don't you have in your Facebook profile that you're in a relationship?
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    Mar 21, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    Fudge...Learn how to communicate. Say, I'd love to hang out some time. Let me see what my boyfriend's schedule is and maybe we can hit a movie.

    Why the heck haven't you told him about your boyfriend yet? Drama is for the theater. Grow up. Start communicating. It'll fix itself.

    You are being a JERK. You should have told him you have a boyfriend as soon as you knew he was into guys. You have led him on by your omission. GET SOME CLASS.
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    Mar 21, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    You got a beautiful relationship and you want to fuck it up?

    Look at all the guys on here that would love to have a bf and a great relationship.

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    Mar 21, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    Y no pix brah?

  • Mar 21, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    Just to clear up a few points:

    The only reason why I know he's gay is through my gaydar. We've never mentioned our sexuality, ever, in conversation- so me bringing my boyfriend up would be more awkward than not. We are on a friendly/getting to know you basis.

    I have met guys in the past that I have had no problem telling I was in a relationship (after it's known that both of us are gay). The reason only why I am so confused at this point, is because I feel like I don't want to bring up my boyfriend...and this is the first time I've ever felt that way.

    If this were someone else's story- I feel like all of this drama would be totally uncessary, but I feel like I can't resolve it.

    I know that I am in a beautiful relationship now, but how can I be sure there's not something better if this has been my only one? I have nothing to compare it to...and for some reason that erks me a little bit. But I also know that if I DO try another relationship then I could potentially be leaving the happiest place in my life.

    It just sucks because either way- I feel like I'm losing.

    [Thanks for your responses and opinions!]



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    MitchellCuddly saidJust to clear up a few points:

    The only reason why I know he's gay is through my gaydar. We've never mentioned our sexuality, ever, in conversation- so me bringing my boyfriend up would be more awkward than not. We are on a friendly/getting to know you basis.

    I have met guys in the past that I have had no problem telling I was in a relationship (after it's known that both of us are gay). The reason only why I am so confused at this point, is because I feel like I don't want to bring up my boyfriend...and this is the first time I've ever felt that way.

    If this were someone else's story- I feel like all of this drama would be totally uncessary, but I feel like I can't resolve it.

    I know that I am in a beautiful relationship now, but how can I be sure there's not something better if this has been my only one? I have nothing to compare it to...and for some reason that erks me a little bit. But I also know that if I DO try another relationship then I could potentially be leaving the happiest place in my life.

    It just sucks because either way- I feel like I'm losing.

    [Thanks for your responses and opinions!]





    I am torn between saying you were not ready for this relationship if this is happening, and telling you not to let curiosity fuck up what you have.

    You still haven't answered why your FB profile doesn't say you're in a relationship. If you feel funny bringing it up, that would have let him know what he needs to know and avoided waiting until he puts the moves on you and you are faced with either giving in to temptation or coming clean.


  • Mar 21, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    The reason why I'm not "in a relationship" on Facebook is because my boyfriend and I don't want random people creeping in to our personal lives. We've told everyone who we want to know in person.

    But at the same time, my relationship status isn't "single"...I just don't have anything selected for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    This is about you, not the boy on the bus. Another will show up, and another
    in time.
    The question you pose is one that will always be there, especially being
    young and in a monogamous relationship.

    I would ask you, is OK for someone who loves you to give you ultimatums ?
    Is love about growth, or oppression. Is about supporting one or threatening one.

    What is clear is that you have this question, and that's normal, and healthy.

    There is no right answer, only what you and your bf decide is right for each other. On that note, it IS an issue that needs to be discussed with him,
    that is the right thing to do.

    Any other advice is based on preconcieved notions what is "supposed" to be based on their own conditioning.

    disclaimer : happily open relationship, 8 years

  • Mar 22, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Being in a relationship means you have to face temptation and resist it, because there is so much more at stake.

    You know what is the right and wrong thing to do. Only your BF, whom you have agreed to have a closed relationship together, can give you permission to build a potential dangerous relationship that starts with physical attraction, which you know he won't appreciate or grant permission.

    Doing bad things then ask for forgiveness is not a policy towards someone you care. So don't do it.

    Best of luck.