First Date goes....

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    Mar 21, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    I had a relationship end Nov 2011. Wasnt a long one but it gave me a lot to reflect about myself.

    since then i have worked on a lot of what I need to do to help myself grow. I have gone on quite a few dates however, it seems that either the guy just wants in my pants or we go on a first date, it seems to go well, then never materializes as more. a month ago, I was in a bar, had a young guy my age walk up to me and distinctly asked for my number so we could go out for dinner. He followed though and we met the next day. We actually had a few friends in common after talking. completely disappeared. Our conversation went really well, how does it go from hot to cold so quickly?

    Has the dating scene changed? I am not really looking for a FWB and I put myself out there to meet other people. I am not desperate for anything. I just want someone to invite to movies that I am interested in. have someone to go out to dinner with after a busy day at work,.

    any advice?
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    Mar 21, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    MSPadventure saidI had a relationship end Nov 2011. Wasnt a long one but it gave me a lot to reflect about myself.

    since then i have worked on a lot of what I need to do to help myself grow. I have gone on quite a few dates however, it seems that either the guy just wants in my pants or we go on a first date, it seems to go well, then never materializes as more. a month ago, I was in a bar, had a young guy my age walk up to me and distinctly asked for my number so we could go out for dinner. He followed though and we met the next day. We actually had a few friends in common after talking. completely disappeared. Our conversation went really well, how does it go from hot to cold so quickly?

    Has the dating scene changed? I am not really looking for a FWB and I put myself out there to meet other people. I am not desperate for anything. I just want someone to invite to movies that I am interested in. have someone to go out to dinner with after a busy day at work,.

    any advice?


    Join a film club! You'll have common interests with a cadre of like-minded people that like to go out repeatedly for something (arguably) more stimulating than a hookup. And even if members are not terribly interested in dating you, they may know a cinephile or two who is.

    http://www.mspfilmsociety.org/
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    Mar 21, 2012 7:31 PM GMT
    Don't worry about the last guy. He's gone now. What's important is that you know guys like that are out there. This stuff happens, and life goes on... you did learn something, right?
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    Mar 21, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    Captain_Awesome saidDon't worry about the last guy. He's gone now. What's important is that you know guys like that are out there. This stuff happens, and life goes on... you did learn something, right?


    ^^ This.

    But yeah, I noticed a lot of this when dating casually. Something doesn't gel, and then the guy just drops off the face of the earth. It's douche-y, but a sad reality in the dating scene for something that hasn't lasted very long.

    Good luck! Don't get discouraged. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 22, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    MSPadventure saidOur conversation went really well, how does it go from hot to cold so quickly?

    Cities seem to have different personalities reflected in their guys, and Mpls-SP was more a hit-and-run kinda atmosphere to my experience. I did the gay scene there regularly from 1999-2006. Easy to score with guys there, harder to stick together, which is what you seem to be seeing.

    I did meet one guy with whom we became kinda FWB, I think it would've been more if I didn't live several hours away. But I didn't meet him in a bar, but rather through a gay naturist club, based there in the Twin Cities, "Naked Minnesota".

    http://www.nakedmn.org/welcome.html

    I met another guy through the AGC-MCC church on Park Ave in Mpls. Church groups are often a good way to meet men whose friendship can become more lasting. AGC is mostly gay & lesbian, though unlike most MCC congregations they don't like to be CALLED a gay church. Well, in my view it really is gay.

    http://www.agcmcc.org/

    For classic bar pick-ups I found the Mpls Eagle the most reliable, but not at night when it gets busy, rather going mid to late afternoon. I find it easier to work a smaller crowd than when a place is packed & noisy, but that's a personal preference. But like you, I could never develop a meaningful relationship from there, nor from any of the other gay bars, whether the Townhouse nearer to you, or any of those along Hennepin.
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    Mar 22, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    BTW, where is that cross country skiing in your profile? I used to ski west of Duluth, and also near the border. Was treed by a moose once up there! I learned x-country skiing in Germany, also later taught it at college back in the States. Still ski yourself?
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    Mar 22, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidBTW, where is that cross country skiing in your profile? I used to ski west of Duluth, and also near the border. Was treed by a moose once up there! I learned x-country skiing in Germany, also later taught it at college back in the States. Still ski yourself?


    Carlos Creek state park, not far from the winery icon_smile.gif

    well, i meet awesome dudes from far away. but then you have to solve the logistics problem.

    thanks for the support guys
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    Mar 22, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    Till men start "manning up"; have an intelligent conversation, constructively with one another, you'll have to rely on your friends to tell you what it is that turns people off.
    Back-in-the day, I'd have to pry it out of the guy, getting answers like:
    "I'm married,"
    "I don't believe halve the shit you say about your life. No one has done that much,"
    " I only go for more aggressive types," and so on.
    I learned it was better to get it out, usually at the end of the date when they ask for another, That I didn't think it went well, saying things like. "You only talked about yourself all night".