closeted to out n waiting

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    Mar 21, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    So, didn't really know what to say in the subject line that would be the most accurate. Here's the story, any advice would be apprecated.....There's a Cowboy I've known for 8 years now. We both live in Texas, bout 7 hrs apart. We've always been the best of friends and their always been a complicated brokeback mountain relationship, due to him being completely in the closet when we met. Over the years he's allowed me to meet his friends (all straight) and of course as far as they knew we were just straight buds. I always wanted to be understanding, everyone's got a different life history, and coming out is very hard for some people. Over the years he slowly has come out to a few friends and has developed a few friendships with other gay guys, mostly closeted like himself. It hasn't been unusual for him to text or call me at 1,2 or 3 am, drunk as cooter brown, drivin home from a bonfire at friends and wantin to talk. He'd tell me how much he loved me, and wished we could have an open life together. Was always great to hear, until the next day when he was sober and would say he didn't remember saying that, and that even if it's true he can't go forward and take our relationship into a marriage situation. Year's of this go by, and a situation happens last year where someone outed him to everyone in his life in a vindictive act. Of course he called freaking out and wanting me to be there for him, and of course I was. I did tell him that although the guy who did this should be horse whooped, that he's gonna be surprised that all the people in his life are gonna rally around him and be relieved that the cat is finally out of the bag. That's what happened and I told him when the dust settles your life is gonna be so much better, now that you don't have to live a double life. At this point he finally began telling me sober, that he loved me and talked about the possibilities of us livin together, either here at my ranch, or maybe out there, He'd text telling me he wished I was out with him and invited me out for a week. I went, had a great time, he was very responsive and passionate like always. Then afterwards like always, he freaked out, has pushed me away again, and deny's ever saying anything that would have given me hope of a full time relationship with him. He says he treasures our friendship, but can't go further. What do you do with that? I can either let the 8 years of hope go and try and be satisfied with just a friendship and when he starts to try n reel me in again, tell him to stop if he isn't gonna follow through. Or, I can try n make him fess up to what he's said and how he really feels, though I can't make him go forward even if he did. I love the man and he's been my best friend, but damn the way things always go sure does leave a big hurt in my heart.
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 21, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    I believe 8 years is more than enough waiting. You are not getting younger and neither is him.

    In a situation like yours I believe a few months is the most I would wait. You are way past of the "few months" mark. Move on with your life dude.
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    Mar 21, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    You know what they say, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." He's going to wind up just like Ennis...lonely, regretful and drinking too much. Some people are too stubborn for their own good.
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    Mar 21, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    hey fella, im guessing you grew up in east texas like i did and we are close in age. do you remember what it was like to be a guy that was attracted sexually to other guys- we werent gay, we were queers, and thats what everybody would have called us. thats a lot of the reason a whole bunch of us never came out. if you needed a man you went to dallas or austin, and prayed you blended in. its gotten better but east texas still can be a unfriendly place. sleep with a hundred women and your a rounder, one guy and your a fag to paraphrase chris rock. feel your frustration but texas is slow to change. im 56 and i still have never been able to admit im gay except to someone on here. two crappy marriages later im still back behind the cloths, guns,dustbunnies, and spiders