Risky Behavior. Why?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    I got my HIV results today. Reality didnt set in until last night. What if I was positve? What would I do? I sat in the doctors office and was shaking. He came in and gave me my negative status. He was surprised I was so nervous because I always practiced safe sex and I have never shared needles (drug free).

    So my question I guess is, if I was this freaked out by taking this test and I live a reletively low risk life style. ... Why do some people insist on living a high risk lifestyle? Is it the rush of just having spontaneous sex with someone with no protection? Not caring if you become infected or just think your invinceble. I am not knocking anyone that does this. I just would like to understand more.
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    Jul 10, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    Well, first of all congratulations! And stay that way. icon_razz.gif

    Being a virgin... LOL... I naturally don't engage nor plan to engage in hgih-risk behavior, so I can't comment on that.
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    Jul 11, 2008 12:23 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Sedative said[/cite]Well, first of all congratulations! And stay that way. icon_razz.gif

    Thanks Sedative. I will do my best.
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    Jul 11, 2008 1:17 PM GMT
    Happy for your results. I can't answer your question, either, but it leaves me thinking about guys who may slip and risk it as well as those guys who go looking for it - bugchasers. That one beats the hell out of me.
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    Jul 11, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    First, congrats on a) being smart and not engaging in high risk sex and b) getting your negative results back.

    A few years ago I engaged in some high-risk behaviour. And I can't really tell you why. I think, at the time, part of it was just a general desire to self-destruct. I was unhappy and I used sex and partying (drinking/drugs/whatever) as a way to numb it. And that meant putting myself in situations that were not good. Fortunately, therapy pulled me out of that spiral and I managed to keep negative.

    I don't get the bugchasers either. I did once chat to someone who saw his being infected as a positive step-- that he no longer had to worry and could have sex as much as he liked without the 'fear of HIV.' (We did not have sex, he was just posting in a forum.)

    It's a double-edged sword because as HIV becomes something that you deal with and not die of, it means that there is less stigma. And that's good-- being HIV-positive doesn't make you a bad person. But the lack of stigma means that some guys will just be casual about it, treat it as not a big deal-- or, worse, as an inevitability they might as well go out and get-- and get it over with.
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    Jul 11, 2008 2:22 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidI got my HIV results today. Reality didnt set in until last night. What if I was positve? What would I do? I sat in the doctors office and was shaking. He came in and gave me my negative status. He was surprised I was so nervous because I always practiced safe sex and I have never shared needles (drug free).

    So my question I guess is, if I was this freaked out by taking this test and I live a reletively low risk life style. ... Why do some people insist on living a high risk lifestyle? Is it the rush of just having spontaneous sex with someone with no protection? Not caring if you become infected or just think your invinceble. I am not knocking anyone that does this. I just would like to understand more.


    Well I am glad to hear your results came back negative. I did notice that you said the doctor was surprised that you took the test because you always practice safe sex. Just to let you know I got the same response when I first took the test in 1989 even though I was having unprotected oral sex.

    As it turns out that person's reaction gave me a false sense of security which I will always pay for. So if you are giving a guy a blowjob and he does not have a condom on, then it is low risk, not zero risk.

    Why do guys engage in risky behaviour? I think several factors are working in combination, some more than others.

    - there are some people who don't believe that HIV causes AIDS (I know that sounds incredible but it is true);

    - some guys will feel pressured into engaging in unprotected anal sex feeling if they don't the person will not want sex with them. They believe the assurances that the person is HIV-;

    - some gay guys take recreational drugs and/or alcohol at parties, bars, etc., that impair their judgement resulting in engaging in high-risk behaviour.

    - ignorance on what is potentially dangerous behaviour for contracting HIV. For instance not all guys check the inside of their mouth for cuts before giving head. They are not aware that pre-cum can have a high concentration of HIV.

    - guys can get depressed and lonely and try and deal with it by having casual sex with other guys at bathhouses, or pick up guys at bars or parties. Even though they may try and protect themselves, the higher the number of sexual partners the greater the risk.

    - guys in a relationship who are both HIV- will start having unprotected sex. Nothing wrong with that if the monogamy remains intact. Unfortunately some guys weaken and start cheating, resulting in infection, and infection of the partner (I know of at least one guy that got infected this way).


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    Jul 11, 2008 2:25 PM GMT
    Congrats on coming out negative and for having the brains and balls to get yourself tested in the first place. I admire you for that.

    Also cheers to Sedative for living a low risk lifestyle. I did that once and know how hard it can be. Keep your screwed on tight and don't waste it on a disappointing one night stand like I did. You'll be able to look back in peace.

    As for guys in a hurry to catch a bug and/or just another good fuckfest, I've also been there. I used to be a bar fly for a few months after I first moved to a big city. Mind you, I was 20 years old a virgin and have never met another gay that I had been attracted to at the time, so anything was possible. Boy do I resent that motto.

    Anywho, for me it was more the need to be around somebody so I didn't feel alone. I wanted find mister right, but was obviously looking in mister wrong central. I mostly practiced safe sex, unless I knew the guy was married and never got out, or was noobie, or someone the bartender/my bestfriend gave me approval as healthy or low risk.

    As for the rest of male society, I don't have a clue. From my ex I gather that they're convinced they have a super macho image to maintain or are so thick head they don't think they're going to get sick.
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    Jul 25, 2008 9:10 AM GMT
    gymguy1 saidSo my question I guess is, if I was this freaked out by taking this test and I live a reletively low risk life style. ... Why do some people insist on living a high risk lifestyle? Is it the rush of just having spontaneous sex with someone with no protection? Not caring if you become infected or just think your invinceble. I am not knocking anyone that does this. I just would like to understand more.


    Back in the day before AIDS ruined everything, "barebacking" was considered normal, and would be today. I think it's a very basic desire to have natural (unprotected) sex and I don't blame people for wanting to do it.

    Here's another case scenario: Let's say a disease hits all the Chipotle joints. I'm naturally inclined to eat there because I LOOOOOVE their chicken burritos but I no longer can eat there because I'll get some lifelong Chipotle disease if I do. Does it mean it's wrong and unethical to eat Chipotle burritos? No. I just have to process information in from the external environment and override my basic sexual drive with my evolved cognitive capabilities. Sucks, but it's what has to be done in order to survive. Same with HIV/AIDS.

    FYI I think barebacking isn't wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time.
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    Jul 26, 2008 4:56 AM GMT

    Sweety, low risk is still a risk. I practice safety too, but the nurses are never surprised that I am always nervous when I come in for testing regularly. And, they always urge me to abstain, they said they are encouraged to do so by their superiors whom have delt with hundreds of HIV infected people and know SOME engaged in safe only.

    This is why I am currently seeking ONE partner to be in a long term with, so I don't have to risk myself even lowly. Still, you are only as safe as your partner is faithful.

    Damn, I guess there is no escaping it...low risk in all of it. The only sure fire way to protect yourself completely is abstinence. How boring, we'd rather risk it a lil, right?

  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Jul 26, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    jakebenson said

    FYI I think barebacking isn't wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time.



    I'd have to disagree with that statement. Barebacking is wrong because it's dangerous to ones health as well as others. It's also stupid.
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    Jul 26, 2008 7:41 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    jakebenson said

    FYI I think barebacking isn't wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time.



    I'd have to disagree with that statement. Barebacking is wrong because it's dangerous to ones health as well as others. It's also stupid.


    You said you disagreed but your content basically agreed with my statement.

    I'll elaborate further...

    There's NOTHING wrong with barebacking in and of itself, but there is at THIS POINT IN TIME. You are right in that it is dangerous to ones health as well as others. But that is restricted to THIS POINT IN TIME thanks to the AIDS epidemic. If we found a cure to HIV as well as all other currently non-curable STDs, people's views on barebacking will change COMPLETELY. Yes barebacking is stupid AT THIS POINT IN TIME because people know it's a high risk factor for deadly illnesses. But I don't think it is a stupid urge. It's completely natural to feel like barebacking and without so many STDs roaming around like they are today there is no reason to think that barebacking is wrong. Again, I stand by my statement: it's not wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time. Thus I don't do it and don't recommend it.
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    Jul 26, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    jakebenson said
    CuriousJockAZ said
    jakebenson said

    FYI I think barebacking isn't wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time.



    I'd have to disagree with that statement. Barebacking is wrong because it's dangerous to ones health as well as others. It's also stupid.


    You said you disagreed but your content basically agreed with my statement.

    I'll elaborate further...

    There's NOTHING wrong with barebacking in and of itself, but there is at THIS POINT IN TIME. You are right in that it is dangerous to ones health as well as others. But that is restricted to THIS POINT IN TIME thanks to the AIDS epidemic. If we found a cure to HIV as well as all other currently non-curable STDs, people's views on barebacking will change COMPLETELY. Yes barebacking is stupid AT THIS POINT IN TIME because people know it's a high risk factor for deadly illnesses. But I don't think it is a stupid urge. It's completely natural to feel like barebacking and without so many STDs roaming around like they are today there is no reason to think that barebacking is wrong. Again, I stand by my statement: it's not wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time. Thus I don't do it and don't recommend it.


    The only ones who say it's wrong are g0ys. icon_rolleyes.gif Still, even though bareback porn is hot to watch, I would never engage in it UNTIL the cure for HIV is found. Hopefully soon. icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 27, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    It is shocking how crticial people are of those who choose to go bare. Going bare is like riding a motorcycle, doing roids, skydiving, or cliff jumping... there is a certain amount of risk with everything. If you and your partner accept that risk, then go for it.

    Why do men engage in risky behavior? Uh... cause we have balls, most of us anyway. We're men and it is in our genes to take chances... duh!

    This discussion leaves out the whole concept of sorting, where poz men bareback with only other poz men. "Superinfection," discussion aside, if you talk to these men, you'll find their argument makes pretty good sense. If you're likely going to die 20 or 30 years early, why not fuck with wild abandon until it's time?

    I impose no judgement position or negative (no pun intended) on men who choose to go bare.
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    Jul 27, 2008 6:26 AM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIt is shocking how crticial people are of those who choose to go bare. Going bare is like riding a motorcycle, doing roids, skydiving, or cliff jumping... there is a certain amount of risk with everything. If you and your partner accept that risk, then go for it.

    Why do men engage in risky behavior? Uh... cause we have balls, most of us anyway. We're men and it is in our genes to take chances... duh!

    This discussion leaves out the whole concept of sorting, where poz men bareback with only other poz men. "Superinfection," discussion aside, if you talk to these men, you'll find their argument makes pretty good sense. If you're likely going to die 20 or 30 years early, why not fuck with wild abandon until it's time?

    I impose no judgement position or negative (no pun intended) on men who choose to go bare.


    OMG!! This is the stupidest thing I've read in a long time. Are you joking? Now I'm not saying that partners shouldn't do whatever they want as long as they are monogamous. But, those who are not monogamous and participate in unsafe activities are just idiots. The logic you use, that those who choose protection over going bare because we don't have the guts, is ridiculous and childish at best. We choose protection because we respect ourselves and expect respect from others. I could go on for hours on this subject, but I'll leave it at this: Aside from HIV, google STD's and choose the image results to take a look at everything else you could get from unsafe activities from strangers or men you've only known for weeks. Tell me how great barebacking is after you have gaping holes oozing puss out of your dick. God knows, I'm not interested in that and as a versatile guy, I'm yet to figure out what the big difference even is. It could just be that I prefer bottoming, but just testing the waters as a top and having the experience of both safe and unsafe - with someone I had been in a monogamous relationship - it didn't feel all that different at all. A tight hole is a tight hole, and the feeling wasn't so great that it was worth the risk.

    Also, do some real research before you post your reckless words and perhaps sway someone uneducated and naive. As of the latest research, HIV infected men now have a normal mortality rate in the US. What decade are you living in? Lets do talk about "superinfection." It exists!!! Give me a break and grow up. When I, a 23yr old, start making more sense than you, you should be concerned. I don't have the right to judge anyone, and will say a prayer for any harsh words I have here, but borderline promoting the activity is just disgusting. I could go on, but I'll leave at this...I think we need to fog the place!
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    Jul 27, 2008 11:19 AM GMT
    BigSETXjock saidIt is shocking how crticial people are of those who choose to go bare. Going bare is like riding a motorcycle, doing roids, skydiving, or cliff jumping... there is a certain amount of risk with everything. If you and your partner accept that risk, then go for it.

    Why do men engage in risky behavior? Uh... cause we have balls, most of us anyway. We're men and it is in our genes to take chances... duh!

    This discussion leaves out the whole concept of sorting, where poz men bareback with only other poz men. "Superinfection," discussion aside, if you talk to these men, you'll find their argument makes pretty good sense. If you're likely going to die 20 or 30 years early, why not fuck with wild abandon until it's time?

    I impose no judgement position or negative (no pun intended) on men who choose to go bare.


    Riding a motorcycle, skydiving and cliff jumping are risky behaviours that involve only one person. Barebacking is a risky behavriour that involves more than one person, that is the distinction.

    HIV continues to spread in the gay community and one of the reasons is barebacking. Considering how long the disease has been around and how much we know on how to prevent it, this is a travesty.

    As the poster above indicated HIV+ guys do not necessarily have their life expectancy shortened by 20-30 years. That may have been the case in the 1980's but no longer.

    As for the comment about showing some balls, I am speechless.
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    Jul 27, 2008 11:35 AM GMT
    BigSETXjock said
    Why do men engage in risky behavior? Uh... cause we have balls, most of us anyway. We're men and it is in our genes to take chances... duh!



    You call that having balls? Running of the Bulls is having balls. Having risky behavior through unsafe sex (especially when you dont know your partner) is like playing russian roulette. Its just crazy.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jul 27, 2008 1:17 PM GMT
    I posted earlier but wanted to tie into the topic about comming out to your family.
    I think there is a big connection with comming out, being accepted and the behavior you choose. If you feel that you aren't cared for and not saying it's harsh but if you can't talk to your parents about relationships and stuff it's a part of growing up we all need. So we go off and make stupid choices. Maybe if the connection between family, and church and being gay was closer we could curtail some of the overtly risky behavior.
    Just a thought! But I see a connection
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jul 27, 2008 1:26 PM GMT
    Wow, barebacking is a sport?!?! Hmm...well, as with any sport there'll be losers involved.
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    Jul 27, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    If you want to bareback (or be barebacked), then the best thing to do is get in a monogamous relationship (one you know is truly monogamous) and enjoy!
    There is nothing more intimate... icon_biggrin.gif
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Jul 27, 2008 2:10 PM GMT
    ShawnTX saidWow, barebacking is a sport?!?! Hmm...well, as with any sport there'll be losers involved.


    bareback.jpg

    It is a quite dangerous sport!
  • gr8hands4you

    Posts: 117

    Jul 28, 2008 1:13 AM GMT
    I sadly understand some of the mindset behind barebacking. Its like an adrenaline high from the risky behavior. Unfortunately there are grave consequences to this in the long run. Im a member of the AIDs task force in my state and we keep statistics and do a history on those becoming HIV positive. Its is a big game of Russian roulette. I have also found that many guys that know they are positive don't care that they are infecting others. Have fun guys but play safe.
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    Jul 28, 2008 7:42 AM GMT
    I have also found that many guys that know they are positive don't care that they are infecting others.

    That is a truly frightening statement. I don't understand a mindset like that. It is bad enough I have it, why the hell would I want to give it to someone else?
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    Jul 28, 2008 8:02 AM GMT
    Sedative said
    jakebenson said
    CuriousJockAZ said
    jakebenson said

    FYI I think barebacking isn't wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time.



    I'd have to disagree with that statement. Barebacking is wrong because it's dangerous to ones health as well as others. It's also stupid.


    You said you disagreed but your content basically agreed with my statement.

    I'll elaborate further...

    There's NOTHING wrong with barebacking in and of itself, but there is at THIS POINT IN TIME. You are right in that it is dangerous to ones health as well as others. But that is restricted to THIS POINT IN TIME thanks to the AIDS epidemic. If we found a cure to HIV as well as all other currently non-curable STDs, people's views on barebacking will change COMPLETELY. Yes barebacking is stupid AT THIS POINT IN TIME because people know it's a high risk factor for deadly illnesses. But I don't think it is a stupid urge. It's completely natural to feel like barebacking and without so many STDs roaming around like they are today there is no reason to think that barebacking is wrong. Again, I stand by my statement: it's not wrong, it's just not the safe thing to do at this point in time. Thus I don't do it and don't recommend it.


    The only ones who say it's wrong are g0ys. icon_rolleyes.gif Still, even though bareback porn is hot to watch, I would never engage in it UNTIL the cure for HIV is found. Hopefully soon. icon_sad.gif


    Ha ha, you beat me to the punch! Missed a good PR chance there...icon_evil.gif





    And guys infecting guys on purpose freaks the balony outta me! icon_exclaim.gificon_evil.gificon_exclaim.gif
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    Jul 28, 2008 8:56 AM GMT
    High-risk behavior should only be enjoyed, if at all, with that one person your in a long-term relationship with.

    After my boo and I had been going out for a year, we decided to stop using protection. Afterall, we had been monogamous with each other for the past year and had been tested clean on several occasions! So why not??

    I just dont do it with strangers, thats disgusting!
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    Jul 31, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    I think a lot of people have very silly opinions on this. People who have sex without a condom are not evil, they are not victims, and they are hopefully not predators. Having sex with a condom on doesn't really make you better than someone who chooses not to. Most people enjoy the feeling of actual contact. We are built to enjoy that contact. Sex is sex. Period.

    As the dominant species of the planet, but mostly as animals, we've had to have a lot of sex to get where we are, most of which was while not wearing protection. Sexually transmitted diseases have been around much longer than HIV/AIDS or even any of us have, but people still choose to forego any form of protection. Why? Because we all enjoy sex. Even if you are using condoms, you are still doing the deed with someone that you may or may not know very well.

    There really is no other way to put it, so I'll throw this out there: If you are honestly worried about contracting a sexually transmitted disease, then you should A.) take precautions to protect yourself, or B.) not be fucking people that you don't know very well (even with a condom).

    One of my good friends has had sex with 4 men and has contracted 3 diseases from the 4 men. Two from one drunken night and the third from a broken condom.

    On the other hand, I may have had sex with 20 times as many men, most of which were barebacking, and I haven't walked away with anything more than being sore.

    I also don't care for people claiming that barebacking is more intimate or that not having the condom on makes them feel closer to the person. If you are fucking someone to feel close to them, something is offset in your head. I think that most people in good relationships would agree with me in saying that sex is for fun, and it's the little things like making your man dinner or giving him a haircut that end up being a lot more intimate.

    You really don't know everything about who you are having sex with, but you need to try to make sure that you are staying safe. I've been called a whore more than a few times, but I am the only one of my gay friends that has not needed a shot of penicillin. I'm also the only one living with someone that I care about and plan on having sex (without a condom on) for the rest of my days.




    And as a sidenote:
    I don't support risky choices, but I do support the individual's choice.