Did either of your parents suffer from a physical (or mental) handicap while you were growing up? Any family member? How did you deal with it?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 22, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    You know we have so many topics, some of which are discussed multiple times here on RJ. Can't remember this one however....

    So did you grow up with a family member, maybe a parent or sibling that had a physical handicap which forced a change in the "dynamics" of your family? What was it and how did it affect you at the time and now looking back on it? If you didn't, what about your friends?

    I've written much about how lucky I was with my parents. My folks were very progressive, educated people had me writing before I was 5 and in almost every state west of the Mississippi by the time I was 7, mostly "rockhounding" with the Wichita Gem & Mineral Society. My father, a corporate attorney and my mother a teacher and interior designer.

    I've written about my Dad having his right hand cut off at the age of 18 while cutting meat in a grocery store and how that didn't slow him down in his life. He wore a prosthesis most of my childhood, but I had friends who noticed and it was one of those things that sometimes I needed to explain..
    "What happened to your Dad's hand"? For my Dad it has never been a real handicap.

    My mother had a aneurysm when I was 7 years old and our family changed.
    Gone were all those vacations and I had to take alot of responsibility on early....I accepted it.. still had fun, but grew up in a way that many of you would view as "a little different". She passed away when I was 24 from breast cancer. I'm sure if that hadn't happened, I would probably see life a little differently. Fortunately, with those challenges, I never experienced
    anything like alcoholism or some of the other things that could have come about.

    How about you?

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    Mar 22, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    Both my parents did, from physical causes. My Father lost fingers from his hand in an accident at age 8. He never wore a prosthesis, and growing up at home I never thought much about it, just the way he always was to me. I do know he could have avoided service in WWII based on a valid 4F classification for being an amputee, but instead he applied for a waiver and did serve in the US Army Air Corps. He taught me to willingly accept one's duty, not to avoid it.

    In the mid 1950s my Mother's thyroid gland became hyperactive. She lost weight, became nervous and irritable, with an explosive temper, not like the sweet Mother I once knew. By late 1956 her hyperthyroidism had been diagnosed, and when experimental radiation therapy failed to control it, she had surgery to remove it. As I result I spent a lot of time living with relatives while both my parents were away, sometimes boarded with my younger sister, sometimes apart, depending on the accommodations of whatever family member could take us in as we were passed around. I missed a lot of school.

    When she came back home after surgery she was given a small hospital bed in the TV parlor rather than her bedroom, so nurses could better care for her, and she could watch TV. And my sister & I had to be quiet at all times, only allowed to speak in a whisper, no TV watching of our own in there, and couldn't see our Mother unless supervised by an adult.

    I was sternly told by my Father and other family that I "had almost killed" my Mother because of my being a loud and difficult child, and I had caused her illness myself by making her nervous with my uncontrolled behavior, making her thyroid fail. They had gotten cause & effect mixed up, and when my Mother would rage at me and hit me for the slightest thing during her illness, those were her symptoms at work, not a result of anything that I was causing with my behavior. It wasn't until my teen years that I finally realized the true relationship, that I really hadn't nearly killed my own Mother.
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    Mar 22, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    Does depression, ridiculous negativity and ignorance count?



    If so, count me in.
    Mother was a severe depressive and tried killing herself through pills. On a similar level she was a hypochondriac and damaged herself using these methods of self destruction. Lead by only the bad in her life she let the negative always consume her, into anger and prospectual hate. To this day, she is unable to let go.

    ...nevermind. I think this is a bad place for me to post. I'll answer simply. Yes, our dynamic was changed by my parents shortcomings mentally.
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    Mar 22, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidDoes depression, ridiculous negativity and ignorance count?



    If so, count me in.
    Mother was a severe depressive and tried killing herself through pills. On a similar level she was a hypochondriac and damaged herself using these methods of self destruction. Lead by only the bad in her life she let the negative always consume her, into anger and prospectual hate. To this day, she is unable to let go.

    ...nevermind. I think this is a bad place for me to post. I'll answer simply. Yes, our dynamic was changed by my parents shortcomings mentally.
    Are we twins separated at the hospital? Your mom must be my mom or vice versa.
  • BDRoland

    Posts: 49

    Mar 23, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    My mother suffered/suffers from a mild learning disability. I don't know the very specifics but it's really difficult for her to study and I know math is extremely challenging for her.

    When I was young she started to go to community college to get her Physical Therapy Assistant (PTA) license. I remember her struggling during these times and in fact my whole family struggled. My dad worked two jobs and they 3 kids to take care of. I was the youngest so I spent a lot of time with my grandparents because of this, but it's something I wouldn't trade the world for. I became very close with my grandparents and learned to appreciate things that I think I otherwise wouldn't have.

    My mother finally got her degree and is working as a PTA. Even though she has a learning disability, in practice, she is extraordinary at her job. She often catches mistakes made by the Physical Therapists (PT) and her old boss would often tell her "You're the PT that should have been."

    All of her siblings have at least a masters degree but none of this has gotten her down. She has striven through adversity to do what she has wanted to do.
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    Mar 23, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    TrevorMark saidDoes depression, ridiculous negativity and ignorance count?



    If so, count me in.
    Mother was a severe depressive and tried killing herself through pills. On a similar level she was a hypochondriac and damaged herself using these methods of self destruction. Lead by only the bad in her life she let the negative always consume her, into anger and prospectual hate. To this day, she is unable to let go.

    ...nevermind. I think this is a bad place for me to post. I'll answer simply. Yes, our dynamic was changed by my parents shortcomings mentally.
    Are we twins separated at the hospital? Your mom must be my mom or vice versa.


    Dito:
    I fear no one will come to her funeral.
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    Mar 23, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidWhen I was younger, my father decided to go off his pills. I watched him and my mother beat my older sisters physically and verbally until my youngest older sister ran away from home her senior year. For some reason they rarely hit me. Thats cause you're such a sweetie!

    They're much better now that all of us are out of the house.
    icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 23, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    My mom has had lymes disease since I was a freshman in high school and is now completely paralyzed.
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    Mar 23, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    My dad broke his neck in 1950 and is partially paralyzed on one side. He couldn't walk quickly, but he could still walk, so it didn't really make for an unusual family dynamic that I'm aware of. The biggest change has taken place over the past 15 years, as he became wheelchair bound.
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    Mar 23, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    My dad had me when he was a little older and he worked around the clock, and he ended up not being able to take real good care of himself. He did not eat right and stuff

    He became a diabetic. His kindneys and eyes started to go bad and now he does dialysis 3 times a week. He can still see but his eyes are bloodshot alot and he needs glasses and because diabetes makes you prone to stuff, he had a toe go bad, and afraid it would get gangrene they decided to cut it off.
    He had to learn to walk all over again

    I have been my dads crutch every since I could remember. It was always me and just me and him. I did not live with my mom.

    I would see for my dad and write his checks and help him get around from age 5 and up.I would help him pay bills and schedule his doc appointments So while other kids learned about riding bikes..I still dont know how, he had to have heart surgery and so many eye surgeries and those surgeries where they stick the needle during dialysis, so it has always been a rollercoaster for him, but even though he had it hard. He doesnt give up I never seen someone so passionate about God and so sure that everything will work out. He's my hero. Alot of times I blame myself because he works to support me when I was little, so I feel like it is my fault, so when people tell me to move away...I just..idk, dont see how I can. I feel like a cruel animal but because I am gay and he doesnt prefer it but still loves me, I feel more like a caged bird.

    My mom died when I was 13 from sickle cell complications/iron defiency. I also have the disease and so does my brother (he passed away at 19) and my sister( she is really sick) They both have a more severe form of the disease than i do. I barely get sick.

    My mom and dad were never married so I guess it is just half brothers and sisters, but my mom raised her kids (with the exception of me cause I lived with my dad) She had a never give up attitude aswell,

    Both my parents, put alot of pressure on me, but most of that came from seeing the stress on them. To see your parent suffer and know there is nothing you can do, is tough.

    I however believe in joy, and courage, and strength, and blessings, and kindness and compassion because both of my parents showed me that. They were not perfect but

    I think they dealt with it fine and I think I have aswell.
    My dad is 54 years old and still works and plays/rides horses and I am doing well for a 22 year old. My sickle cell isnt bad at all. i get sick every now and then and it sometimes serious but rarely I always pull through.


    I don't let things limit me, and unless I tell people they don't realize I am sick, even my doctors sometimes wonder how I can be sickle cell anemic and be so healthy.

    Adverse issue is that i am an hypochondriac. I fear getting sick, because watching your dad sick all the time and ur mom die..is like..yeah I have that issue but im working through it.

    Im blessed. Plain and simple.
    So yeah i complain alot but I really am blessed.

    So basically I deal with it just fine the best that I could
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 23, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    I was raised by ignorant retards and it's a miracle that I'm still alive. However....

    I have a medical career where I get to tell hot hockey players to take off their shirts, like today, but I get to meet all of the other people too.

    A few weeks ago, I called a name in the waiting room, expecting a 23 year old guy to stand up but, instead a family stood up next to a wheelchair. I did the AIDETS thing and smiled and introduced myself to the guy in the chair, and my heart almost stopped when I looked at the guy.

    He smiled up at me and looked exactly like a guy I'd take home. Cute as hell, and they had a cowboy bandanaƩscarf wrapped around neck.

    There are other hot young guys in my hospital who suffered brain injuries. Very sad life stories. Sad mothers. Sad everybody.

    I'm sure that this boy was a gift from God, if I believed in God.

    He "fell through a floor" his mother told me, "when he was two."
    He suffered a closed head brain injury and was slated to die. They turned off the respirator, and he started to breath on his own.

    21 years later, this guys is lighting up the world around him. All of our Techs are standing behind the glass and are mesmerized.

    He has the intellectual capacity of a squirrel, but he has a hoard of technologists straining to see him.

    His smile is magnetic, and the power to do all of that, but then I thought about what his family went through.

    His mother was fed up with dealing with him, from the way she talked about him.

    I cried for days after. Not for her, but for him.
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    Mar 23, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    TrevorMark saidDoes depression, ridiculous negativity and ignorance count?

    If so, count me in.
    Mother was a severe depressive and tried killing herself through pills. On a similar level she was a hypochondriac and damaged herself using these methods of self destruction. Lead by only the bad in her life she let the negative always consume her, into anger and prospectual hate. To this day, she is unable to let go.

    ...nevermind. I think this is a bad place for me to post. I'll answer simply. Yes, our dynamic was changed by my parents shortcomings mentally.
    Are we twins separated at the hospital? Your mom must be my mom or vice versa.
    My long lost family! My grandmother was-IS the same way; as well as manipulative, controlling and vindictive. Glad I got out of that place when I did!

    Post Edit: My dad has Grande Mal Epilepsy.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 23, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidWhen I was younger, my father decided to go off his pills. I watched him and my mother beat my older sisters physically and verbally until my youngest older sister ran away from home her senior year. For some reason they rarely hit me.

    They're much better now that all of us are out of the house, but I have a hard time letting them get close. When I came out to my parents it was the first time I told them I loved them since I was 5.


    Wow, thanks for sharing that! I hope things are much better now..
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    Mar 23, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    My father was an abusive alcoholic who terrorized the family to the point that we all lived in fear of his next combative action. This goes back as far as I can remember. The violent behavior finally came to an end when my brother at 14 and me at 12 lay waiting with baseball bats. The police were called after we administered a beating. He was taken to the hospital and later to jail. This was the last time any of us ever had to endure his violence and cruelty. Mom left him shortly after that. It was the first time I remember being able to go to bed without fearing for my safety or that of other family members. The silver lining in this story is that none of us ever became even social drinkers.
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    Mar 23, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy said something that totally harshed my gig.


    Thanks for sharing.
  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    Mar 23, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    My mother has paranoid schizophrenia. When I was small, she was a terrible alcoholic. She would start drinking sometimes as soon as she got up. Drove with me in the car while drinking, drug me around to bars, that kind of thing. Dad left when I was five so I had to take care of mom. She would get angry and hit me. She brought men home and they'd beat her and I'd try to ignore it and watch tv....she'd go in the bedroom with them and lock the door. I knew what they were doing. Then they'd get high and do drugs. After they'd beat her, I'd be there to pick up the pieces. When I was 8 and mom had lost the house, I moved in with dad for a year, but that's a different story and not a nice one either. Anyway, mom had gotten married and he beat her. I moved back in due to my dads wife at the time. After living there for about 6 months, she left him. We moved in with my grandmother and 2 months later she moved in with another man and dragged me with her. He was emotionally abusive, called me a fat pig everytime we'd eat supper and that type of thing. I left and moved back in with my grandmother. My step dad had made mom stop drinking and that's when the paranoia got really bad. over the next 6 years mom and tried to commit suicide 7 times, shot at us with a riffle, and she use to come to my grandmothers and keep me up at night (on school nights) thinking that people were coming through my tv to rape me at night so my grades suffered. This was while I was in high school. I had taken up band in middle school and I was really good so that was my escape from the hell I lived in. Mom is a two time breast cancer survivor. She kicked my grandmother in the chest two years ago (she was 78 at the time) and caused a hemroid so we had to put her in a home. When she was fighting her second bought of cancer we had to remove her. She, to this day, still thinks that her husband is trying to kill her and I'm the only one she will half way listen to so I still have my child even while I'm here at college. She has the mind set of a teenager and acts like she is a 15 year old girl. She is not allowed to drive due to a dui about 6 years ago which is a good thing. Everyday I expect to get the phone call of the worst possible thing happening. I will have that fear until the day she dies.
    This has made me a better person because I am mature beyond my years. It has a lot more negative effects than positive. I have trust issues and I am jaded. It takes a lot for me to trust someone. I am now a freshman music education major in college at Winthrop University and I am going to make something of myself and I will not let anyone stand in my way. I will not wind up like that. I am so scared of becoming like her. I am a very serious person, and I take life seriously, but I do also love to joke around. I am a very unique person. I wish all the time that I wasn't born but it has deff. made me stronger. So yes, I do have a mentally ill parent that has had a dramatic effect on my life.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 23, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    I didn`t say that
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 23, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    Are you the prick who hacked my emails and sent spam emails
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 23, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    You were! You cunt!
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 23, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    Dustin K is a hacker. Don`t chat with him
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    Mar 23, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidDustin K is a hacker. Don`t chat with him

    Activating Trojans now...........

    400.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    Such moving stories. So much pain in life without doing anything to cause it. Why would anyone want to manufacture even more?
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    Mar 23, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Bullwinklemoos saidMy mom has had lymes disease since I was a freshman in high school and is now completely paralyzed.


    Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. It's a terrible disease. icon_sad.gif
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Mar 23, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    My mother was chemically dependent from the time she was about 20. My brother, sister, and I tried to get her off of it, but we did not succeed. Finally, when she was about 89 and it gave her advanced emphysema, forcing her to go onto full-time oxygen, she quit. Of course it was too late by then. Although she made it almost to 96 years old, the last few years of her life were not very pleasant. I've often wondered how my siblings and I were affected by her addition, which continued while she was pregnant with us, and how much we were affected by her second hand smoke. I, for one, had constant headaches whenever I was home, or any other place where I was forced against my will to breathe second hand smoke.
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    Mar 23, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    yes i did, i was smarter then the kids in school, i felt wierdicon_cry.gif