5 Stages of Committed Relationships

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    Mar 23, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    This is an amazing article by Sarah Schultz and this is for everyone. Infact, this must be taught at schools, colleges for teens and adults. Relationships are based on fragile feelings. We dream about that special person. We find them. We begin our life and then after sometime we realize we were totally wrong which is totally rude not letting know how much we are contributing in straining the relationship that once we thought a fantasy. No one wants to be sad but happy.

    This article is for us.

    http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Stages-of-Committed-Relationships&id=528343
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:04 AM GMT
    AWESOME article! It's so true---at least in my own relationship experience! It also offers hope for relationships that are in the third phase (like mine---but it's getting better!). Thanks for sharing!
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    I wish I read this 6 months ago icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
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  • pushingit

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    Mar 25, 2012 7:21 AM GMT
    I think I'm somewhere between the second and third stages. I'm hoping this passes quickly
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    Mar 25, 2012 7:25 AM GMT
    The lines between the "stages" aren't necessarily so clear. You can have elements of several ticking along simultaneously. In my experience, any ways...
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    Mar 25, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    Wow, it only took us 10 years to get to stage 5...freaking bliss.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Mar 25, 2012 1:54 PM GMT
    I thought the "power struggle" stage was kind of humorous.... interesting indeed!

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    Mar 26, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    I don't understand why two people have to put on a facade to start a loving relationship. People find out eventually that you are not what you purport to be, so what's the purpose of hiding your true self? It's a tterrible waste of valuable time and effort. Just be your self to begin with and avoid potential disappointments down the line after you've invested so much in the relationship.
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    Nice perspective read!
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    DOMINUS said Just be your self to begin with and avoid potential disappointments down the line after you've invested so much in the relationship.



    ..we did this..

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    Mar 26, 2012 2:22 PM GMT
    Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    If you need some vacuous wench to tell you what stage of hate your terrible relationship is in, then you are basically a lost cause.
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    I think that people can fall back to previous stages, like moving from committed or stable back to a power struggle. I think that can happen to couples with kids who have grown up, or a couple where one person has had more career success than the other.
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    That article was definitely a much needed dose of reality.
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    Mar 26, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    intensity69 saidThe lines between the "stages" aren't necessarily so clear. You can have elements of several ticking along simultaneously. In my experience, any ways...

    In mine, too. And both my partners (the first one died) and I kinda skipped over the Disillusionment and Struggle stages (2 & 3), went right to Stability following Romance. And having largely avoided stages 2 & 3, there was no need for reconciliation in Stage 4.

    Just a bit of adjustment for me regarding my present partner, knowing he has a hair-trigger temper and learning how to successfully deal with it. But being our ages, and with our experiences, none of this is new to us. We know people aren't saints and have flaws, the kind that initial romance can blind us to.

    So we both went into things with eyes wide open. And as for the Struggle stage, we're too mature to bother with that. Instead of drawing boundaries, we build bridges between us, deliberately trying to adjust ourselves to each other. But again, we've gone through this drill so many times with others before that you just automatically do it, not something you have to give too much planning thought to.

    And so we got into Commitment fairly quickly. The key word the author uses in Stage 5 is "team", and guys here know that's a word and concept I've used online quite a lot in describing a successful gay relationship. My husband & I stopped thinking of ourselves solely as individuals a long time ago.
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    Mar 26, 2012 3:03 PM GMT
    This article is fairly succinct. However, it is a brief overview and doesn't take into account the 'variations on a theme' aspects. These are the overlaps of one phase into another, sometimes to the point of having three phases overlapping. The amount of time in each phase can vary widely from couple to couple. The understanding that what one person can say, no matter how clear and simple, can be misunderstood by the other. (This often happens when the 'listener' of a statement, puts the statement made in context of what they understand - projecting their own ideas on to the other for meaning and comprehension - and dismissing critical pieces of information as irrelevant in order to make it work.)

    So it's a nice article in a general observational way describes a good framework and has some useful benchmarks. However, it shouldn't be take too literally. Ideally, the stage a relationship is in should be determined by a disinterest third party. Awareness can only help though.
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    Mar 26, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidI don't understand why two people have to put on a facade to start a loving relationship. People find out eventually that you are not what you purport to be, so what's the purpose of hiding your true self? It's a terrible waste of valuable time and effort. Just be your self to begin with and avoid potential disappointments down the line after you've invested so much in the relationship.


    I think we just automatically do that. You won't go on a first date in your plain clothes, right? You want to make a good impression so you would tone down on your habits of spitting, biting nails, and what not. I don't think we are purposely hiding our true self. We are just displaying the better side of us.