Why do guys in a monogamous relationship participate on the RJ forums?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    that's the question...
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    Jul 11, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    What because we are in a relationship we are supposed to cocoon up and refuse to participate in the world? Being in a relationship prevents you from having opinions that you can express?

    If i participate in a forum discussion does that make me less of a partner to my bf?? I am completely confused by this question and why its relevant?

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    Jul 11, 2008 3:36 AM GMT
    jjdayz said
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    What because we are in a relationship we are supposed to cocoon up and refuse to participate in the world? Being in a relationship prevents you from having opinions that you can express?

    If i participate in a forum discussion does that make me less of a partner to my bf?? I am completely confused by this question and why its relevant?



    Exactly. I'm on here mainly to be inspired to learn about improving my body and health in a gay friendly place, and not at all to "cruise" or look for anything other than inspiration, advice and chatting with others like me, whether they are in a relationship or not.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jul 11, 2008 5:16 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    What, everyone's done picking on the BiSexuals, now it's time to pick on those in relationships? lol

    I work from home, and participating in the Real Jock forums are a way to feel like I'm still socially interacting with people.

    It almost seems like you're wondering why mono guys come to Real Jock at all. I can't really see the reasons for participating in the forums being different between guys in a relationship vs guys that aren't.
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:18 AM GMT
    I point out everyone I correspond with to my husband. He likes to hear the stories. Most of them are lies, but he's none the wiser.
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:20 AM GMT
    Oh, I forgot!

    Getting in a relationship means I can't talk to other gay men.

    I should wear a burqa. Yes, then their lustful eyes would never sear my committed flesh!
    icon_biggrin.gif

    icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:34 AM GMT
    Lol, nice one caslon. I don't see anything wrong with interacting with people on forums if you're in a monogamous relationship. It's not like they are going to a club looking for a hook-up. Just because they are on here interacting with other people, sharing stories.. sometimes humorous, sometimes serious.. doesn't mean that that person should have to be single. Hell, if you took out all the people who were in relationships.. where would the forums be? Who here is single and who isn't? I don't think it's really relevant whether you're single or not. Post away my friends.
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    Because they want to
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    I don't know about the rest of the people in this community, but I actually do enjoy the fitness info that's available here, and I enjoy reading through the forums to pick up tips, tricks, suggestions, do's, dont's, etc. My relationship status is irrelevant, honestly. That's not to say I don't admire the eye candy - I try to find inspiration in what some of you guys do and look like, *sigh* - but I don't let it in any way interfere with my own relationship. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:42 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    ...and why would they not...? icon_question.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 5:44 AM GMT

    Caslon5000,

    Hah! Bill and I went completely blank at this, then he went out with the dogs, without a word of advice.

    OK, he's back. UN-surprisingly, he says "People often take shots at us being monogamous, that's why we've been hermits." (Wow, he's hot!) Ah gads, It was my (Doug's) idea to come on this site, as many guys we've met in town have said we're 'cast-asides, because there's no potential.' Naively, I thought this site was a great way to meet people as I just refused to believe in relationship-status segregation.
    "We're always treated like a minority within a minority", he says. RJ is a little more diversified than a site for singles only. We looked and couldn't find a singles only prerequisite anywhere. There was no prereq about having to be in an open relationship, either. That said there seems to be plenty of opportunity for singles to interact with each other on the RJ forums. And IM. With webcam or not.

    It's unhealthy to be forced to depend on each other for ALL companionship other than that of family. As many know, not all family is 100% accepting of gay, much less take a gay marriage or commitment for life as seriously as they do a straight one. We know this all too well from personal experience. And wow, it hurts.

    Y'know, this site til now has been a bit of a stress-breaker for us. Why? Because our next door rednecked straight neighbours of nine years decided they hate F***king faggots, threatened us to the point police got involved, (who couldn't exercise hate crime charges as they only caught the jerks calling us "white niggers" and weren't around when the neighbour tried, with his 8,000lb cube truck, to take out Bill on the boulevard. Our dogs got sick. Guess why? We've been driven out of our restored 103 year old home, forced to sell at a ridiculously low price (which appalled the police)while the neighbour cherry-picked the buyer by driving other buyers away. Hence the ever lowered asking price. It's been 8 MONTHS of this. Both of us are at the end of our physical stamina. We move on Saturday after 10 years here to a smaller house on the coast which cost us everything we had.

    So there you have it, Caslon. We never talked about this because we are trying to just fit in, to belong to a gay community in whichever way we can, ( and, apparently, allowed) and add something to the mix. It's been great to think we can inspire some of the lonely guys here, and the ones that believe there is such a thing as a lasting love and want to know how it gets that way.

    Were we wrong?

    -Doug
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:00 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    'cuz this primarily ain't a hook-up site... which means this there's more to offer here than 'net meat (i.e., health/fitness advice and gay forum/chat).
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:02 AM GMT
    I thought it was all about the Punch and Pie? icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:04 AM GMT
    lol, uh, because they are fun, like food fights. It is like in grade school when someone yells FIGHT and all the kids go running to see. Watching other peoples misery is just fun icon_lol.gif just kidding.

    I can't imagine being monogamous has anything to do with engaging in conversation with other guys unless you are a middle-eastern woman in a full burka and can only talk to your husband or relatives. Monogamous people are free to live however they want, but all the people I know that cut themselves off from anyone but each other usually burn out. It is healthy to have a support network of people to talk to even if it is virtual.

    Seriously though, it is just like any other social thing we do, engage in conversation. Or maybe we just read what other people have to say.

  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Jul 11, 2008 6:11 AM GMT
    Where is the monogamous fitness site that we're 'supposed' to go to post?
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Jul 11, 2008 6:16 AM GMT
    "Why do guys ina monogamous relationship participate in the RJ forums?"

    ...what a silly question...

    ...implying "what?"...that you get a boyfriend and you no longer have a brain with opinions or need social outlets other than your boyfriend/partner...

    I become just a little concerned when relationships take on codependent characteristics...nothing could be more sad or unattractive...

    ...not everyone 'single' is looking to hook up or meet up either...

    - David icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:19 AM GMT
    One of the most important things a man needs is companionship. Not just in a life partner, but also friends.

    Where would we be if we had no friends?
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:27 AM GMT
    Not everything in life is about sex!
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    meninlove saidWere we wrong?
    -Doug
    Wow. That really does suck. But as far as the topic goes, case closed! See people just need people. Everyone should have a support network.

    And Bill and Doug we hope things get better for you! And I certainly hope you are able to expand your network and either way I hope no one treats you indifferently because your relationship status. Anyone that would do that just needs to grow up.
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:30 AM GMT
    DanteCA saidOne of the most important things a man needs is companionship. Not just in a life partner, but also friends.

    Where would we be if we had no friends?
    and the best mate anyone could have is their dog!


    But let not forget. window shopping normally leeds to shopping.
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:32 AM GMT
    eranoosh saidNot everything in life is about sex!
    Only if you are women.....lol
  • NicoTheGreat

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    Jul 11, 2008 6:33 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidthat's the question...


    You know...that is a good question. I mean, when will the gays that are in couples realize that we need these forums to post random things on here, as many times as possible, so that way we might have the chance of getting our picture up here and someone will see it an instantly fall in love.

    Of course, those that are in a relationship shouldn't be posting on forums - it takes away our chances of someone seeing us and sending us a message. Dang them partnered people!

    ...

    Ok...so those that don't know me, I am obviously speaking with the thickest form of sarcasm that is possible.

    You bet I like hearing replies on a forum from those that are partnered. Wanna know why? Cause they're human f-ing beings, which means that they have an opinion. Express it people!
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:34 AM GMT
    Jees, Cas, even after 5000 posts you still find a way to ruffle feathers. Them's mad skills, dawg.

    I'll play along though. The flippant answer? Because if I suddenly up and disappeared, you'd miss this sweet, sweet ass and cry yourself to sleep every night for a month. It would be a flood of biblical proportions all over again. Even ShawnTX's nipples couldn't properly console you. Sedative would be so disillusioned by your show of weakness that he'd give up entirely on his plans for world domination, and would rock silently in a dark corner the rest of his life. Tommyguns might possibly shoot you, because he'd lose his will to shoot all over the computer screen. So in short, Cazzydahlin,' I stick around for you. I'm such a humanitarian. icon_wink.gif

    But really: there was RealJock before there was the boyfriend. He know's I'm here, he occasionally browses the forums just so he can make fun of me in the evening for something I've written, and he trusts me to behave myself. You, Casdoll, get my pixels and prose. He gets everything else.

    Now...the real question is this: why the hell are people with less than 1400 postings allowed to speak in public here? Like children, shouldn't they be shipped off to boarding school so they don't have to be heard or seen? icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 11, 2008 6:37 AM GMT
    hahaha. lulz


    Sorry guys!

    It seemed like a good idea for a thread last night. ... icon_lol.gif

    I have been having a helluva time getting to sleep lately and as I mentioned on another thread, I take GABA to put myself to sleep. So last night, I kicked back 3 of those suckers. And as I was succumbing to the pills, I wondered....

    why do guys in monogamous relationships participate on RJ... but before I spelled out exactly what I wondering about, I thought, let's just leave it at that and see how you all interpreted it.

    And those are really interesting responses. (well, I am really, really sorry to hear meninlove's story, whoa!)

    So, actually, the full thought of what I was wondering was. Why arent you being involved with your partner when you are spending time on here? What is he doing while you're on here? Partners are so seldom involved on RJ, too. Does day-to-day Monodom eventually shake down to where he is doing his thing(s) around the house and you are doing yours?

    Well, as you can see those GABAs only kept me out for 3 hours. Just ate some eggs and toast, let's see if I can get back to sleep now.

    I look forward to seeing more of y'all's posts.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Jul 11, 2008 6:41 AM GMT
    zdrew said
    Now...the real question is this: why the hell are people with less than 1400 postings allowed to speak in public here? Like children, shouldn't they be shipped off to boarding school so they don't have to be heard or seen? icon_twisted.gif


    "Beware the quiet ones, for you know not what they think."

    - David icon_wink.gif