How did your male friends handle you coming out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    I'm slowly coming out to more and more people but I've noticed I am way more comfortable coming out to girls I know than guys. I'm afraid guys won't be as accepting and will feel uncomfortable around me.

    Wht has your experience been?

    Most people have no idea and can't tell I am and I almost wish they could so it would avoid me having to actually tell them.
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    Mar 24, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    I got more negative reactions from the girls. The guys didn't care. Two of them "fooled around" within a few weeks of my coming out.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 24, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    "The ones who matter don't care, and the ones who care don't matter." My experience was largely positive, and those who react badly weren't really your friends to begin with.
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    my former best friend and I have not spoken in 13 years - that's how he handled it - said I should seek Jesus - told him I found Jesus pretty hot, so, maybe I would do that..
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:26 PM GMT
    beachbum310 saidmy former best friend and I have not spoken in 13 years - that's how he handled it - said I should seek Jesus - told him I found Jesus pretty hot, so, maybe I would do that..
    Jesus is already busy with 12 "followers." You'll have to take a number and wait your turn. icon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 24, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    Some of my friends know, some don't, depends on the interaction, how often I see them and whether I want to tell them. I don't feel any need to
    "spread the word about my sexuality"...... there are some I will probably never tell.

    Those who I've chosen to share this..... have been cool (one was shocked, but all have been cool)
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 24, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    I just told 2 last Sunday. My best friend I thought would have a problem with it since he is Catholic and went from K-12 to Catholic schools. He was fine with it. His wife is even trying to hook me up with some of her gay coworkers!! icon_wink.gif
    My roommate in college thought I was kidding at first. He told me always knew, etc. When he realized I was serious, he was shocked. He is fine with it. I know he voted against prop 8 in California, so I knew he would accept it.
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Jesus is already busy with 12 "followers." You'll have to take a number and wait your turn. icon_twisted.gif[/quote]
    icon_razz.gif
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Mar 24, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    My best friend said he was fine with it, and that he already had an idea I was anyway.

    Mind you, we were both completely tanked up on jack daniels at the time (it was my birthday) so I couldve told him I had just killed his family and I wouldve probably got the same reaction.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Mar 24, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    I have some very conservative friends, and to my relief every one of them was nothing but supportive.
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Unless you've actually seen avidence of homophobia in your guy friends, must likely they'll be fine with it. You're not giving straight guys enough credit. Must have no issue and are totally comfortable with gay people.

    All of my friends that i told were shocked, but were totally fine with it. One even said "so what?" They all started with the jokes almost immediately, shows how comfortable they were.

    Don't have any female friends, so i can't give any comparison. Well. I have one female friend, but she's my cousin. So that situation falls more under "telling family."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    I didn't have any straight male friends when I came out, having recently retired from the military, which had been my entire life, and now relocated to a civilian community. The first guy I told was himself gay, and his reaction surprised & disappointed me - he didn't believe me. icon_sad.gif

    I thought he'd congratulate me, but he said I was too butch to be gay, and couldn't understand how I could have chosen an Army career if I was gay. Eventually I did convince him, and he became my first gay "running buddy" (though no sex), who escorted me to gay bars & clubs so I wouldn't have to go alone until I had learned the scene. In fact, he was my mentor.

    So eventually turned out OK, but initially it was very disheartening. Ever since then I've made mostly gay friends (many, actually), but even the straight ones have known I'm gay right from the beginning of our friendship, so no change for them to handle. Either they accepted it or we didn't become friends.
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    Most people have been very supportive or apathetic about it at the worst. I've only had two people react negatively towards it. I guess when a guy calls you a faggot, you get in a fight with him (he made the first move), and then you kick his ass in front of his friend, people tend to avoid making open criticisms of you.
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    This happened during my college years, and some guys were okay with it, but shocked. A couple of guys I had thought were among my best friends had some ugly words - and were soon history.......with no contact ever again (approx. 30 years). One friend who stayed with me - a fraternity brother - had a shocked reaction, saying something like, "WTF man! Why?! Chicks dig you! Are you sure?!" And I understood this reaction, since all of the brothers in our house (TDC) bagged their share of women, so I can see how my news would come as a shock
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    Regardless of how they react, you have to be prepared to accept their reaction and decisions after that, and most importantly, you have to be confident you made the right decisions when you chose your friends in the first place. Good luck.
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    Real friends will always take it well not matter them being girls or guys. I didn't notice any difference from guy friends to girl friends (although I don't have that many girlfriends). Family took it very well too (though I didn't tell my dad yet but I will this summer :S). The only one that took it badly is someone I barely knew and I didn't care much so no loss there (she was a girl). Plus dude I'm pretty sure they kind of know already lol most of my friends and family said they kind of knew: Being handsome and not having a girl around ever gets kind of suspicious icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    GWriter saidI have some very conservative friends, and to my relief every one of them was nothing but supportive.


    That's been my experience over 42 years of outness.
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    olorin saidUnless you've actually seen avidence of homophobia in your guy friends, must likely they'll be fine with it. You're not giving straight guys enough credit. Must have no issue and are totally comfortable with gay people.

    All of my friends that i told were shocked, but were totally fine with it. One even said "so what?" They all started with the jokes almost immediately, shows how comfortable they were.

    Don't have any female friends, so i can't give any comparison. Well. I have one female friend, but she's my cousin. So that situation falls more under "telling family."


    "They all started with the jokes almost immediately, shows how comfortable they were. "

    The jokes are an important part of it. If they're not teasing then they likely do have a problem with it.
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    Mar 24, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSome of my friends know, some don't, depends on the interaction, how often I see them and whether I want to tell them. I don't feel any need to
    "spread the word about my sexuality"...... there are some I will probably never tell.

    Those who I've chosen to share this..... have been cool (one was shocked, but all have been cool)


    Chris, don't you think that when a guy passes the age 30 or so, and his friends don't see him dating women, they figure it out?
  • leojock1985

    Posts: 76

    Mar 24, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    umm not a single person cared.. and 10 of my friends ended up coming out to me.. 8 guys and two girls.. funny thing is most of the guys have girlfriends so that makes it a bit awkward that I know they've messed around with dudes and yet they have girlfriends that I know very well; meanwhile they beg to come out to the gay bars with me.. icon_eek.gif