Is It Wrong To Stay In The Closet?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    This has been something that's been bugging me for a while as the thought of coming out keeps running through my mind. So is it wrong to stay in the closet? By that I mean, is it like unfair to the people that you have to lie to about your sexuality and/or pretend to like girls and all of that.

    It really came to me today when I was talking to my best friend and well we were talking about some serious stuff, all personal (nothing related to sexuality or anything), in his life and well basically it's like he can tell me all of these things and granted I do tell him personal stuff about me as well, minus my sexuality which he assumes is straight. He has nothing against gays but I still don't want to come out to anyone just yet so it makes me think that I'm basically lying to my friends and family which I don't want to do but in this situation it is something I have to do.

    Is it warranted to lie to them about something like sexuality? I once read somewhere that a guy came out and his friend got mad because it was like he was lying to him all along and what else could he have lied to him about, basically the friend thought the guy who came out was a huge liar about everything in his life. So they stopped being friends even though the guy who got mad had no problem with gays.

    So is there anything wrong with staying in the closet? Especially if the situation you are in doesn't make it very good for you if you come out? (like you might be thrown out, financial funding cut etc.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:22 AM GMT
    I asked this same thing before, but I just feel like you should say nothing. If they think you are straight then that is them. As long as you dont confirm. If they ask you then tell em, because most likely if they asking then they think it anyway.

    I feel like if you are not ready and don't want to then don't ...even your reasoning about them lying to you...is more about how they feel , but this is about you and only you. SO do what YOU want to do.

    Sometimes you have to risk and others you have to be smart. if you feel it is a danger then don't. I am out to family and friends, but me in Alabama..and them im black..I dont go wearing a rainbow bracelet everywhere.

    If people cant understand why one would not bein a rush to come out than..they shouldnt be in your life, if they can't even try to understand.

    If my money and stuff depeding on it..then of course not. Like I said be smart about it.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Mar 25, 2012 12:05 PM GMT
    I think of course there are many situations where it makes sense not to come out. Come out for yourself not anyone else, if where you are right now it makes more sense for you to not tell people, then don't tell them. Coming out is a very personal thing, for a lot of people I think it's mostly about them facing their internal feelings than the fear of the reaction of others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    It's a personal thing...very intimate. I don't think that you are doing anything wrong by not waving the flag. I'm sure even those closest to you have things about them you don't know. I'm only out to those closet to me. But, I know longer date females unless I'm really attracked to them which is few and far between...it's been several years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    Every gay man's journey is different and personal. You come out on your own schedule in your own time, provided you're not hurting people along the way. It's not always wise or safe (physically, emotionally, financially) to come out.

    Having to come out is a mixed blessing--on the one hand, it comes with risk and is a reflection of where our society's attitudes towards homosexuality lie, but if there is a silver lining, it's that a lot of us have to really consider who we are, and who the people around us are. It means making a deliberate decision to accept a part of ourselves that not everyone else agrees is "good", and confronting that attitude.

    I think once you've come to accept that you're gay, staying in the closet is like a long-distance relationship: It'll work, but only if you know it's temporary.

    I like this video because it highlights the point of "coming out from a position of strength"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Like others have said, it's a very personal thing. And who you tell and why you decide to tell them is important. I was going to come out to my buds last weekend but we were having so much fun, it felt a little selfish. But, if any of them were to ask, I would tell them in a heartbeat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 5:40 PM GMT
    It is wrong to feel like you HAVE to stay in the closet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 5:49 PM GMT
    I agree with savage as stated in his video above!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    MarkRoger saidIs It Wrong To Stay In The Closet?
    Is it wrong to lie?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 6:06 PM GMT
    It varies with each person. You have to decide what you stand to lose if you come out. For some people, there is a great risk of physical or financial harm.

    Whether or not it's OK to lie is an interesting question. I have this vague quote in my head that I can't fully remember. It's something to the effect of "it's not lying if they make you do it." I don't know if I totally agree with it, but it makes the point that there's is a difference between lying to deceive someone for your own benefit and lying to protect yourself from those who would do you harm. I think it also depends on how far the lie goes. If it's a lie of omission, for example, you never tell them your gay but you never talk about your dating life either, then that's not too bad. If you go to the extreme that some people do, like getting married and having a family to keep up appearances, then you're hurting someone else, and I don't think that's ever OK.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    no, it's a choice, and, you can always change your mind if you want to dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    The dichotomy of right & wrong doesn't apply to this situation; it can't. You have to ask yourself instead if this is the right time for you to come out. Only you can answer that question.
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    Mar 25, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    I have not come out to my family yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    MarkRoger saidIs It Wrong To Stay In The Closet?
    [...]
    So is there anything wrong with staying in the closet? Especially if the situation you are in doesn't make it very good for you if you come out? (like you might be thrown out, financial funding cut etc.)


    Yes, it is wrong, very wrong and very bad for one's own dignity, self respect, and, spiritual and emotional development.
    But at the same time sometimes it is a lesser evil (as you mentioned above).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    Mark,

    I think it's wrong to come out before you're ready.

    This,

    "or pretend to like girls and all of that." I think is only wrong if you lead a girl on.


    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidIt's wrong for people to have to feel like they need to be in the closet.


    Sure, but it doesn't preclude its necessity in some instances.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    It's your life, it's your choice. Nothing should prevent you from staying in the closet for as long as you like. Come out when you feel comfortable and fuck the pressure to come out from the outside and the LGBT community. It's a very personal decision, and each case is unique. You alone will suffer the consequences (to the extent that there are)--not your friends, not your neighbors, not your colleagues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidIt's your life, it's your choice. Nothing should prevent you from staying in the closet for as long as you like. Come out when you feel comfortable and fuck the pressure to come out from the outside and the LGBT community. It's a very personal decision, and each case is unique. You alone will suffer the consequences (to the extent that there are)--not your friends, not your neighbors, not your colleagues.


    This is very important.

    For other posters saying it's wrong, please consider:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Trinidad_and_Tobago
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 25, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    Dude, given where you are you have to protect yourself. You should try to skill-up in a professions where it would be easier for you to emigrate to safety.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    I don't have the need to be in the closet but it really is not the best thing right now to come out since it's illegal in my country. Anyway, thank you for the responses! I do plan on coming out eventually just not when I have no way of taking care of myself... this place is so backwards because I know there are loads of gay guys that are just hiding and are actually fine with things being like this...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 12:23 AM GMT
    I pretend I am straight at work. It's a game for me. I think straight men overall are just douche bags because of how they are so concerned with their masculinity that they worry about things such as what sports someone likes, what they drive and how many women they fuck. I like infiltrating them and secretly making fun of them in my mind. It amuses me.

    Any gay man I ever worked with and was out to would always try to get me to go out with him and flirt with me on the job. Even though I don't give a damn what straight people thing about my sexuality, I still would not come out at work because gay coworkers never seem to be able to respect the boundaries of the workplace.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    intensity69 saidDude, given where you are you have to protect yourself. You should try to skill-up in a professions where it would be easier for you to emigrate to safety.
    Now that I actually look at his profile (and consequently, his location), you're definitely right. On both accounts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    129187543189281185.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    AlexanderB said129187543189281185.png


    I like the dark and the smell of moth balls, seriously!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2012 2:18 AM GMT
    Follow your gut and come out on your own time