Engaged "straight" friend wants to hook up with me

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    Mar 25, 2012 7:56 PM GMT
    Awkward situation not sure what to do... have this buddy who is straight - he's tall, blonde, tan, buff... and engaged.
    He recently came out to me though - admitted he's been hooking up with guys for the last year or so and now wants to get with me... he has kept on and on about it. I've just had to stop contact with him because it's such an awkward position for me to be in.
    His fiancée isn't aware of what he does behind her back. I feel really bad for her and kinda do want to tell her but at the same time I know it's really not my place.... I just hate watching her get cheated on like this. What would YOU do? And, no, I don't wanna know if you'd hook up with him...
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    Mar 25, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    Tell her, it's a matter of her personal safety. How does one know if he's even using protection?

    k3l3k0 saidAwkward situation not sure what to do... have this buddy who is straight - he's tall, blonde, tan, buff... and engaged.
    He recently came out to me though - admitted he's been hooking up with guys for the last year or so and now wants to get with me... he has kept on and on about it. I've just had to stop contact with him because it's such an awkward position for me to be in.
    His fiancée isn't aware of what he does behind her back. I feel really bad for her and kinda do want to tell her but at the same time I know it's really not my place.... I just hate watching her get cheated on like this. What would YOU do? And, no, I don't wanna know if you'd hook up with him...
  • SwimBIkeRun94...

    Posts: 480

    Mar 25, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    Tell him you'll hook up with him only if his finacee can watch. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 25, 2012 7:59 PM GMT

    I think your buddy is a thoroughly unpleasant person. Bad enough he's with others and bringing who-knows-what to his fiancee, but now he wants to involve his buddy?

    ...and he's not straight.

    -Doug
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    Mar 25, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidAwkward situation not sure what to do... have this buddy who is straight - he's tall, blonde, tan, buff... and engaged.
    He recently came out to me though - admitted he's been hooking up with guys for the last year or so and now wants to get with me... he has kept on and on about it. I've just had to stop contact with him because it's such an awkward position for me to be in.
    His fiancée isn't aware of what he does behind her back. I feel really bad for her and kinda do want to tell her but at the same time I know it's really not my place.... I just hate watching her get cheated on like this. What would YOU do? And, no, I don't wanna know if you'd hook up with him...
    WTF?
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    Mar 25, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidAwkward situation not sure what to do...

    1. No longer have him as a buddy, and break off contact with him, as you appear to have already done. Aside from his sleazy morals, he's not only a potential health risk to his future wife, but to you, as well.

    2. Do not tell his fiancée. He, or even she, may come after you legally, since it would be your word against his that he ever planned such a liaison with you. And I presume you don't know the names of his other hook-ups who could corroborate his claims. No doubt a tragedy in the making for her, but at this point your hands are tied, and you would only end up hurting yourself.
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    Mar 25, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 said... have this buddy who is straight -..



    Stop right there.

    No


    He


    Is


    NOT!




    Best thing you did was break off contact with him.

    Better thing to do is keep your mouth SHUT unless a judge is asking you the question.

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    Mar 25, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    I think you should tell her. He is not a good guy for cheating and lying, and he is not your friend, because if he was he would respect your friendship.

    This is the type of gay guy I loathe. They want to be straight so badly that they harm other people in the process. What if he and this girl get married and have kids...more people suffer. You either need to talk to him and tell him to break it off or tell her.

    It may not be your place, but it is the right thing to do.
    What if you were the girl in this position.
    Think with your heart man.
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    Mar 25, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    Although it's not your place to interfere, I think you should tell her. To be safe, just send her an anonymous email. It'll be her decision to act on the info or to dismiss it.
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    Mar 25, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    you guys really think I should tell her? wow what an awful conversation that would be...
    ummm ya and I know he's not straight haha I should have put "straight" with the quotation marks - he plays off to everyone that he is.
    fml I am buggin out over this... I really don't want to be the one that outs him to everyone but this situation hits pretty close to home for me. An uncle of mine was married for about 20 years - until his wife came out to him and their children. She says she knew she was gay all her life but wanted to have kids - basically using my uncle. I now have 3 fucked up cousins thanks to her... they are, mentally, a mess. I don't want to see that kinda shit happen again...
    K thanks for the advice, boys.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Mar 25, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    I'd just like to point out the terrible photoshop edits in all your photos.
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    I tend to think people who are being cheated on, the fiance in this situation, needs some sort of warning, as someone else pointed out, chances are he has not told her he is hooking up with guys and who knows how safely he plays. She is the only one who is innocent and yet could pick up a disease because her future husband is a headcase.
    I would steer clear of the drama though. Sounds like this is one of those guys who will need a lot of therapy down the road to figure who he is and how to be honest in a committed relationship. Anyone who has been cheated on in a monogamous relationship walks away wishing someone would have tipped them off sooner, to avoid the wasted time, the worry about disease and the hours, weeks or months spent wondering how one could make such a stupid choice in partners.
    She deserves better and she deserves to know.
    As for you hooking up with him, I would avoid a messed up guy like him no matter how hot he is, he sounds like a guy who is on his way to hitting rock bottom and he will take as many people down there with him that he can.
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidyou guys really think I should tell her? wow what an awful conversation that would be...
    ummm ya and I know he's not straight haha I should have put "straight" with the quotation marks - he plays off to everyone that he is.
    fml I am buggin out over this... I really don't want to be the one that outs him to everyone but this situation hits pretty close to home for me. An uncle of mine was married for about 20 years - until his wife came out to him and their children. She says she knew she was gay all her life but wanted to have kids - basically using my uncle. I now have 3 fucked up cousins thanks to her... they are, mentally, a mess. I don't want to see that kinda shit happen again...
    K thanks for the advice, boys.


    You don't have to say "hes gay..beware" you just say "Look, I know you love him, but make sure you know what you are getting into, and that you truly know who he is. I think you should be more observant from now on, and pay closer attention to him"

    That is like a warning, but also vague. People tend to not notice things until they are pointed out, so just give her a hint and she can connect the dots herself eventually.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Mar 25, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    fable saidI'd just like to point out the terrible photoshop edits in all your photos.

    Shut up dude. This guy is hot, and his intentions seem to be in the right place. By the way the "No Photos" sign is very becoming of you.
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
    Have you asked to why he's hooking up with guys in the first place. How long has he been engaged to her.
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    Hmm, depending on how close you are with the fiancée, I'm guessing it would not be wise of you to tell her... I mean, imagine if a close friends fiancé would start hitting on me, I would probably somehow want to let her know that I'm "not ok with this person" because I suspect he may not be faithful.... but in your case, you're better off just breaking contact with him I guess.. it may not be in your place to "out" him either...
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    Do not tell her. My reasons are:

    1. She will think that you are lying, and that you have feelings for the guy.

    2. He will lie and say that you have feelings for him, and that you are the one that came to him trying to hook up with him.

    Either way, you will look like the bad guy. I hate that he is doing this to her, and feel bad for her. It is a bad situation, and you should remove yourself from it. My philosophy in life, and I have never been wrong, things always come to light. He will eventually slip up, and she will catch him. People always get sloppy and overly confident, and end up making mistakes.
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    Mar 25, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    fable saidI'd just like to point out the terrible photoshop edits in all your photos.

    Shut up dude. This guy is hot, and his intentions seem to be in the right place. By the way the "No Photos" sign is very becoming of you.


    LOL thanks for the stand up...
    if he needs to know how they were edited he can check out pskiller.com and enter the photo url's for a "photoshop analysis" - nothing major except adaptive lighting, really...
    fable has no pics cuz he's no doubt ugly - and if you look at all of his recent posts he's an unemployed, video game playing loser who has a chip on his shoulder
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    fable saidI'd just like to point out the terrible photoshop edits in all your photos.


    Uggh a dirty Troll....

    STFU if you have nothing worth saying.
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidHave you asked to why he's hooking up with guys in the first place. How long has he been engaged to her.


    he's been engaged to her for about a year now? dating for nearly 4 years...

    GreenHopperHmm, depending on how close you are with the fiancée, I'm guessing it would not be wise of you to tell her... I mean, imagine if a close friends fiancé would start hitting on me, I would probably somehow want to let her know that I'm "not ok with this person" because I suspect he may not be faithful.... but in your case, you're better off just breaking contact with him I guess.. it may not be in your place to "out" him either...


    ya that's what I don't want to do is out him... and since I've already removed myself from the situation for now I guess I'm on the right track

    BalljunkieDo not tell her. My reasons are:

    1. She will think that you are lying, and that you have feelings for the guy.

    2. He will lie and say that you have feelings for him, and that you are the one that came to him trying to hook up with him.

    Either way, you will look like the bad guy. I hate that he is doing this to her, and feel bad for her. It is a bad situation, and you should remove yourself from it. My philosophy in life, and I have never been wrong, things always come to light. He will eventually slip up, and she will catch him. People always get sloppy and overly confident, and end up making mistakes.


    Ya I'm sure he will slip up eventually... but I'd hate to see how devastated she becomes when she does find out... wish people wouldn't act this way.
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:03 AM GMT
    I'd tell him that I refuse to help him cheat on his fiancee. If he's gay, then stop leading her on a road to an eventual divorce and heartbreak on her end and it probably wouldn't affect him at all. Suggest that he sees someone to talk to because he needs serious help with his life.
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    You sincerely have to think about this?

    Tell her. Just make sure you have solid evidence. Like texts or e-mails and if you're lucky voicemails. Ruin that motherfucker. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    Unless you're willing to put up with an epic shitstorm, I would stay quiet and stay away from that guy.
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    Mar 26, 2012 12:44 AM GMT
    I just say get him out of your life and if you see him in public shun him. He's disrespecting his relationship with his fiance and his relationship with you. Not the kind of person I would want to know. As far as telling his fiance, unless she is close to you such as a family member or good friend I suggest staying out of it.
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    Mar 26, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    Sounds like you've already answered your own question.

    If he can't lay off hitting on you, keep away from him. Tell him why. Maybe he'll realize that he's planting a crop of misery for himself and his future wife.

    We reap what we sow. He may be praying for crop failure.