Inhibited

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    I'm just wondering if any of you guys can relate to where I'm at right now.

    I grew up in a strict Christian atmosphere, I hid my sexuality from myself from a long time, and I still have doubts (somewhere deep within my mind) as to whether I'm allowed to fully unleash myself and live life as a comfortable homosexual man would.

    I'm out now, to almost everyone in my life. Dabbled in relationships, dated a good bit, I've had sex and enjoyed it. I have many gay friends, too. I'm trying to allow myself to be okay with all of it.

    Does anyone still feel inhibited romantically? Sexually? Does anyone still feel like acting on your sexuality is shameful, like it needs to be a secret? Has this affected your relationships? Are you afraid of what your family will do if you stop hiding and being a chameleon and shielding them from who you are? Can you imagine living an authentic life with a gay partner?

    Stuff I ask myself often. Still unsettled. Thanks.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Mar 26, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    Slowly, life develops. Right now it seems strange, and I don't have a male partner, but once you actually do it, like and respect the other person enough, and you can carve out your own limits in relationships. Maybe the other person can be the catalyst to convince you that it is not shameful.

    Your family and friends, provided they have accepted you till now, will continue to feel the same toward you. There are minor disappointments when other people don't turn out the way you want them to, but attitudes and expectations adjust.

    You don't have to kiss your romantic interest or grope them in public- that is uncouth, but remember if you respect yourself and your relationships, other people will find themselves pressed to respect you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Find out what it is that you want from life/love/sex and then:
    Live your life as authentically as you can and be as adventurous romantically and sexually as you want to be.
    Don't be afraid of being judged by others. Those who judge you for being who you are, only reveal themselves to be unfit to be your friends/lovers/boyfriends/family.

    (BTW, your family does not need any details about your sex-life icon_wink.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Emesis54 saidI'm just wondering if any of you guys can relate to where I'm at right now.

    I grew up in a strict Christian atmosphere, I hid my sexuality from myself from a long time, and I still have doubts (somewhere deep within my mind) as to whether I'm allowed to fully unleash myself and live life as a comfortable homosexual man would.

    I'm out now, to almost everyone in my life. Dabbled in relationships, dated a good bit, I've had sex and enjoyed it. I have many gay friends, too. I'm trying to allow myself to be okay with all of it.

    Does anyone still feel inhibited romantically? Sexually? Does anyone still feel like acting on your sexuality is shameful, like it needs to be a secret? Has this affected your relationships? Are you afraid of what your family will do if you stop hiding and being a chameleon and shielding them from who you are? Can you imagine living an authentic life with a gay partner?

    Stuff I ask myself often. Still unsettled. Thanks.
    Get a good therapist.. the tools you needed to be that well adjusted gay man were denied you as a youngster and during your formative years.
    Alot has to do with that religious background and the lack of tool sharing from your parents (its not their fault they didnt know or their belief system chained them). It takes a great deal of self work and self discovery. It took you years to develop and it wont be overnight that you 'discover' the missing and new tools you never had to cope!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    commoncoll saidSlowly, life develops. Right now it seems strange, and I don't have a male partner, but once you actually do it, like and respect the other person enough, and you can carve out your own limits in relationships. Maybe the other person can be the catalyst to convince you that it is not shameful.

    Your family and friends, provided they have accepted you till now, will continue to feel the same toward you. There are minor disappointments when other people don't turn out the way you want them to, but attitudes and expectations adjust.

    You don't have to kiss your romantic interest or grope them in public- that is uncouth, but remember if you respect yourself and your relationships, other people will find themselves pressed to respect you.


    Honestly, it's been my close friendships and short-lived relationships (the healthier ones) that have helped me get used to this.

    Maybe it's going to be a slow process...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidFind out what it is that you want from life/love/sex and then:
    Live your life as authentically as you can and be as adventurous romantically and sexually as you want to be.
    Don't be afraid of being judged by others. Those who judge you for being who you are, only reveal themselves to be unfit to be your friends/lovers/boyfriends/family.

    (BTW, your family does not need any details about your sex-life icon_wink.gif )


    That's my goal. Being who you are can take some gonads.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Emesis54 saidI'm just wondering if any of you guys can relate to where I'm at right now.

    I grew up in a strict Christian atmosphere, I hid my sexuality from myself from a long time, and I still have doubts (somewhere deep within my mind) as to whether I'm allowed to fully unleash myself and live life as a comfortable homosexual man would.

    I'm out now, to almost everyone in my life. Dabbled in relationships, dated a good bit, I've had sex and enjoyed it. I have many gay friends, too. I'm trying to allow myself to be okay with all of it.

    Does anyone still feel inhibited romantically? Sexually? Does anyone still feel like acting on your sexuality is shameful, like it needs to be a secret? Has this affected your relationships? Are you afraid of what your family will do if you stop hiding and being a chameleon and shielding them from who you are? Can you imagine living an authentic life with a gay partner?

    Stuff I ask myself often. Still unsettled. Thanks.
    Get a good therapist.. the tools you needed to be that well adjusted gay man were denied you as a youngster and during your formative years.
    Alot has to do with that religious background and the lack of tool sharing from your parents (its not their fault they didnt know or their belief system chained them). It takes a great deal of self work and self discovery. It took you years to develop and it wont be overnight that you 'discover' the missing and new tools you never had to cope!


    I found a good therapist two years ago, and I guess it's taking me awhile to dig down to the deeper layers and sort through all of this mess.

    I like how you say that it's not my parents' fault they didn't know how to share coping skills... the religious atmosphere is so thick here that it's suffocating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidGet a good therapist. the tools you needed to be that well adjusted gay man were denied you as a youngster and during your formative years.

    Alot has to do with that religious background and the lack of tool sharing from your parents (its not their fault they didnt know or their belief system chained them). It takes a great deal of self work and self discovery. It took you years to develop and it wont be overnight that you 'discover' the missing and new tools you never had to cope!

    Agreed about (gay or gay-friendly) therapy in this case. Because not only were the tools denied, but a gay-hostile belief system was instilled and must be unlearned & overcome. And I think it's the belief system that's really holding the OP back more than anything.

    I came out at twice his age, and took to being gay like the proverbial duck to water. No regrets, no hesitation, no guilt, no inhibition, so it can be done in some cases. The only problem I had was the lack of gay tools you cite. I simply didn't always know what I was supposed to do, how to act, but I sure was willing to learn! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2012 2:21 PM GMT
    I feel inhibited only by things that have nothing to do with my sexuality. If anything; my sexuality is the one place I feel the most assured, confident and strong about.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Mar 28, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    Self discovery is a journey, and sometimes a rather long one - be patient - you'll get there.
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    Mar 28, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    Just be yourself, love yourself and that will give you the confidence, strength and courage to have the kind of life you want.