When the Gaydar isn't cutting it...

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    Mar 26, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    So there is a guy at the gym (how many gay stories start with this?)... Anyways he is attractive to me, and today I found out he is a nurse (and I have this thing for nurses). We have talked a few times and he tends to keep to himself. I have no idea what his oreintation is. He is pretty straight seeming but I feel a halvsies gay vibe from him, which could just be me finding him attractive.
    What is a good way to find out? I was thinking something along the lines of, "Hey James, This is blunt question but, do you date guys?" If the answer is 'no' I can be like, "Meant no offense, you are just a good looking guy..." I don't want to comepletely freak him out, but I'd prefer that over never asking. However if he says yes mayhaps I can invite him on a date.

    Is this a good method? Or a terrible one? Any better Ideas out there? I know I can't be the only gay guy who has experienced this.
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    Mar 26, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    I would drop the "no offense" part. It implies you think being gay is somehow less than being straight. If he's gay, it tells him that you have internalized homophobia issues. If he's offended that somebody finds him attractive...then he is a jerk anyway. And if he's a closet case, he will be so freaked out by your question that he won't hear anything else.

    Straight guys are often aware when other guys are attracted to them, and they'll make a reference to some girlfriend or wife, etc.

    Until you get that signal...gather more information. People love to talk about themselves. Questions are your friend....what part of town does he live in...how long...house or apartment. Don't make it an interrogation; spice it with facts about you too. Play the ignorant boy, and have him help you....does he know any good Italian restaurants, where is a good place for a day or weekend trip, etc. Like...I was planning to check out XYZ museum or park...have you been? If he's interested in YOU, he may respond with similar questions...or even drop a huge hint...like he has season tickets to the Ballet and owns 10 pairs of leather jeans....haha.
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    Mar 26, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    ^^^ EXCELLENT suggestions. You must be very good at picking up studs icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 26, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    Just drop your drawers and see if he looks or winces.
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    Mar 27, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidI would drop the "no offense" part. It implies you think being gay is somehow less than being straight. If he's gay, it tells him that you have internalized homophobia issues. If he's offended that somebody finds him attractive...then he is a jerk anyway. And if he's a closet case, he will be so freaked out by your question that he won't hear anything else.

    Straight guys are often aware when other guys are attracted to them, and they'll make a reference to some girlfriend or wife, etc.

    Until you get that signal...gather more information. People love to talk about themselves. Questions are your friend....what part of town does he live in...how long...house or apartment. Don't make it an interrogation; spice it with facts about you too. Play the ignorant boy, and have him help you....does he know any good Italian restaurants, where is a good place for a day or weekend trip, etc. Like...I was planning to check out XYZ museum or park...have you been? If he's interested in YOU, he may respond with similar questions...or even drop a huge hint...like he has season tickets to the Ballet and owns 10 pairs of leather jeans....haha.


    Great point about the 'no offense'! And your advice about the info gathering is very helpful too. My one concern is that the gym closes down in about a week icon_sad.gif ...so I hope to see him at least once before then, if I don't ask him then, I may miss my chance. But maybe I should leave it to the fates?
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    Mar 27, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidJust drop your drawers and see if he looks or winces.


    You do that a lot? I just like to know I'm getting advice from someone experienced... ;)
  • ohioguy12

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    Mar 27, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    I thought all male nurses were gay anyway
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Lutus45 said
    TropicalMark saidJust drop your drawers and see if he looks or winces.


    You do that a lot? I just like to know I'm getting advice from someone experienced... ;)
    When the gaydar doesnt seem to be functioning, yes!
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:25 AM GMT
    When gaydar isn't cutting it, grope a dick!
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    Uberr_Bizzaro_O saidWhen gaydar isn't cutting it, grope a dick!
    Kinda what i was sayin!.. in a different kinda way!
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    Mar 27, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    If you really can't figure it out after getting to know him better, you could simply just ask: "Hey James, I know this great restaurant in town and I'd like to take you there on a date. What do you say?"

    instead of

    "Hey James, This is blunt question but, do you date guys?" This question may make actually make him self conscious and he may be thinking if he comes off as gay because you haven't said that you were gay before you asked the question.
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    Mar 27, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    If they don't tell me in some way directly, I assume they are looking for me to take the risk first... so I'll tell a story involving an ex-boyfriend.

    Are you at a point where you can share details like that? You mentioned he likes to keep to himself... are you sure he likes you?
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    Mar 27, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    Lutus45 said
    White4DarkerFL saidI would drop the "no offense" part. It implies you think being gay is somehow less than being straight. If he's gay, it tells him that you have internalized homophobia issues. If he's offended that somebody finds him attractive...then he is a jerk anyway. And if he's a closet case, he will be so freaked out by your question that he won't hear anything else.

    Straight guys are often aware when other guys are attracted to them, and they'll make a reference to some girlfriend or wife, etc.

    Until you get that signal...gather more information. People love to talk about themselves. Questions are your friend....what part of town does he live in...how long...house or apartment. Don't make it an interrogation; spice it with facts about you too. Play the ignorant boy, and have him help you....does he know any good Italian restaurants, where is a good place for a day or weekend trip, etc. Like...I was planning to check out XYZ museum or park...have you been? If he's interested in YOU, he may respond with similar questions...or even drop a huge hint...like he has season tickets to the Ballet and owns 10 pairs of leather jeans....haha.


    Great point about the 'no offense'! And your advice about the info gathering is very helpful too. My one concern is that the gym closes down in about a week icon_sad.gif ...so I hope to see him at least once before then, if I don't ask him then, I may miss my chance. But maybe I should leave it to the fates?


    if your gym is closing down. a great question may be to ask where he plans to work out after the shut down.
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    Mar 27, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    Ask him to be his Facebook friend, then read his status...if it says straight then don't pursue further, either really straightvor closet case...
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    Mar 27, 2012 6:10 AM GMT
    Have you asked him if he has a girlfriend? does he know you are gay? if he does, he might give a hint if he is gay and interested in you.

    Many people think i am straight, and i get hit on by "straight" guys, or so they say so a lot, I just want one to be out or gay, oh well, i hope things go well for you.
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    Mar 27, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    Lutus45 saidWhen the Gaydar isn't cutting it...
    ...Throw money at it.