How do you know if you're in love?


  • Mar 29, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    Been with my partner for 2.5 years and in the first 6/7 months I/we were obsessed/infatuated. This was the first time I felt this way and felt absolutely in love. I didn't need to define love. I would think about him all the time and when i got a text from him my heart skipped a beat. My hobbies etc didn't matter, because i'd found the love of my life.

    The first 10-12 months were hard, especially at certain points. With enough of some very tough to ignore situations, my feelings began to dissipate and from then on, I haven't felt the same way.

    In the last 18 months we have been great - in terms of no problems to deal with. However I don't know whether I am in love anymore. I don't understand how I can tell. I don't have the same passion, am not really bothered if we have sex or not most days, but know he loves me.

    I have only been with two guys and often look at other guys with lust. I wouldn't do anything, but I do want to (I think).

    I don't know what to do?
  • courtnyou

    Posts: 65

    Mar 29, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    I don't think it's unusual to lust after others. you're married not dead! icon_biggrin.gif
  • bischero

    Posts: 847

    Mar 29, 2012 7:25 PM GMT
    This was found in another thread, and it's totally worth the repost:

    http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Stages-of-Committed-Relationships&id=528343
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 29, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    Measurement 7 should be a level 8.

    Measurement12 should be at or above 19.

    Measurement 43 should be below 4.

    Ludle standard aB14.
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    Mar 29, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    Love is not supposed to stay compassionate your whole life.. its meant to turn into companionate love after a while...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    bischero saidThis was found in another thread, and it's totally worth the repost:

    http://ezinearticles.com/?5-Stages-of-Committed-Relationships&id=528343


    Was just gonna post this. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 29, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    Could you imagine your life without him? Would there be a hole in it if he were gone? Do you miss him if you are apart for a while eg. travelling separately? Are you happy in the morning when you wake up next to him?

    If you are answering "yes", you are probably in love... which evolves and changes over time (and for some may become less sexually charged). If not, then you actually do have some deeper soul searching to engage in.
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    Mar 29, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    worriedfirsttime saidBeen with my partner for 2.5 years and in the first 6/7 months I/we were obsessed/infatuated. This was the first time I felt this way and felt absolutely in love. I didn't need to define love. I would think about him all the time and when i got a text from him my heart skipped a beat. My hobbies etc didn't matter, because i'd found the love of my life.

    The first 10-12 months were hard, especially at certain points. With enough of some very tough to ignore situations, my feelings began to dissipate and from then on, I haven't felt the same way.

    In the last 18 months we have been great - in terms of no problems to deal with. However I don't know whether I am in love anymore. I don't understand how I can tell. I don't have the same passion, am not really bothered if we have sex or not most days, but know he loves me.

    I have only been with two guys and often look at other guys with lust. I wouldn't do anything, but I do want to (I think).

    I don't know what to do?


    I have heard a similar story so many times it makes me sad: The relationship is new, sex is passionate, emotions are hot and then BOOM things become routine and comfortable. Boring to the common gay man and he starts thinking it is time to move on.

    Why does this become such a problem with gay relationships? Why do we need everything to be wild and crazy to believe we are in love? Why can't we just be comfortable with another man? Why can't we be happy with the familar?

    Do you enjoy each others' company still? Are you still sexually interested in him? Do you feel you have the core beliefs in common? Do you still have activities that you mutually do and activities you like to do by yourself or with seperate friends? Can you comfortably be silent in a room together and do your thing while he does his?

    It is ok to find other men attractive. It is whether or not you act on them that is important or whether or not you feel you are missing out by not acting on them. I think you need to focus on what you have and whether or not you see yourself with him into your old age.

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    Mar 29, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    Sometimes I wonder if people who want to be "in love" or who "fall out of love" do not know what it means -to love-.

    Just something for you to think about.
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    Mar 29, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    Generally you get a notice in the mail.

    Unless you have signed up for paperless Love.

    Then you just get a text message.
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    Mar 29, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    I hear you poop your pants, that's why I'm going to stay single the rest of my life.
    3244.jpg
    I don't want to poop my pants.

    Did you poop your pants?
    If not, I wouldn't worry too much.
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    Mar 29, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    Date your boyfriend/husband no matter how long you are together - always earn his love and attention. If you have chosen well, he will do the same for you. At the end of each month, I take a calender for the next, cut the dates into chits, toss them into a cup, swil them, pull one out. Regardless of the scheduled nature of that date chosen, I make it HIS day.Like his very own, borthday, Christmas, Valentines day all rolled into one. He does not know when it is coming until it is there, but each month he knows he gets one. Flowers, gift, card - I cook his favorite meal, or take him to his favorite place.

    Many confuse the excitement of falling in love with being in love. You can have both, but as with anything worth having, it takes effort. Might not work for you, but it serves me very well.
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    Mar 30, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    intensity69 saidCould you imagine your life without him? Would there be a hole in it if he were gone? Do you miss him if you are apart for a while eg. travelling separately? Are you happy in the morning when you wake up next to him?

    If you are answering "yes", you are probably in love... which evolves and changes over time (and for some may become less sexually charged). If not, then you actually do have some deeper soul searching to engage in.


    This. I've noticed this in my parents in that after 25 years, they are still in love through illness and dealing with each others' flaws. The best solution is to just live your life and to tell people who say that you need a boyfriend or even a girlfriend (there are closet cases and bi guys here) to fuck off. You have an entire lifetime to find yourself so one of the best pieces of advice I've been given is to find someone who enhances or compliments you, not completes you.
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    Mar 30, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    When you can feel his pain whenever he's in pain and you wish the pain were yours to bear instead. When you couldn't wait for the work day to be over so you could rush home to be with him. When the thought of him makes you smile. When his minor flaws and quirks make you appreciate his imperfections rather than being bothered by them. When you can feel extreme grief and despair at the mere thought of not having him in your life. When you could say that your life's perfect and complete with him. When you could see you and him growing old together. When you know beyond doubt that when all the chips were down you would choose him over anything, anyone, and everything. When you'd rather stick a dagger in your heart than lie to him or deceive him, regardless of the potential consequences. When you couldn't wait for the night to be over so could you spend another glorious day with him.