*sigh* where is this going... nowhere?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    ok guys don't hate me, i had to set this up for privacy sake cuz i feel dumb. let me know what you think.

    my LTR ended 2 yrs ago, and immediately after the breakup, i was so exhausted i had nothing to give anyone. even working up the energy and interest for casual sex was a chore. i guess i was depressed. during this time i met a guy on DN who was cute, just my type, we fooled around and i enjoyed the company, but it was NSA casual and there were never any sleepovers. we'd get together every month or so and had a great time. the sex was of that metaphysical kind where you blend into one being, you get lost in each other's eyes, and when you're done, you realise that several hours have passed. he was 28 and i was 40 - a pretty big age difference, but i'm fit and youthful, and he's mature. now he's 30 and i'm 42

    anyways, a few months ago he revealed that he was in an open relationship and has been so for the past 5 years! i was shocked and said he never mentioned that in his profile or in any of the other play dates we had together. he explained they are together but they don't sleep together. a sexless relationship, which he feels obligated to continue because he sponsors his partner's residency. they've broken up a few times and gotten back together again, seemingly out of guilt or fear of loneliness. i was confused by all the details when he told me all this, but supportive and tried to help him see that there is a disconnect between what he wants and is quietly doing, vs. what he feels is the right thing to do for his partner and to keep up appearances for their mutual friends.

    anyways, i told him that i didn't want to be a home wrecker and that if/when he is truly single, we should continue where we left off because we're compatible and we like each other. this seemed to make him want me more, and i admit we slipped into the sack a couple of times after that talk. there were lots of mutual sexting, hot pics exchanged, etc. and i was getting attached, but at one point we had a talk where i told him i couldn't do this anymore because i was feeling terrible about myself. he said he never wanted to make me feel 2nd best, and that the best thing about me is my heart (he's a cute furry bear cub and i'm a short muscle gym bunny, but something about it works). he seems to have respected my questioning what was going on between us, and is not contacting me or checking out my online profile (which he used to do daily). now this makes me want him more.

    anyways, we haven't seen each other for about 6 weeks now, despite occasional weekly hello-how-are-ya txts and promises to meet up to talk. part of me wants this, but i know that it will be difficult not to jump into the sack again. should i just chalk this one up to the biggest cliché in the book and bow out gracefully, or should i just go for it? am i just projecting my failed LTR rebound on him? i can't stop thinking of him night and day, and he is the only one i have felt any true connection with, despite many dates, hook-ups, and attempts to find another fun guy to hang out with. am i just desperately looking for any shred of a connection and grasping onto straws?!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    "anyways, a few months ago he revealed that he was in an open relationship and has been so for the past 5 years! i was shocked and said he never mentioned that in his profile or in any of the other play dates we had together. he explained they are together but they don't sleep together. a sexless relationship, which he feels obligated to continue because he sponsors his partner's residency. they've broken up a few times and gotten back together again, seemingly out of guilt or fear of loneliness. i was confused by all the details when he told me all this, but supportive and tried to help him see that there is a disconnect between what he wants and is quietly doing, vs. what he feels is the right thing to do for his partner and to keep up appearances for their mutual friends."

    I get the impression that you, like myself and Bill, need exclusivity in your relationship. Thinking along this line, I think you did the right thing. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    heartme saidok guys don't hate me, i had to set this up for privacy sake cuz i feel dumb. let me know what you think.

    my LTR ended 2 yrs ago, and immediately after the breakup, i was so exhausted i had nothing to give anyone. even working up the energy and interest for casual sex was a chore. i guess i was depressed. during this time i met a guy on DN who was cute, just my type, we fooled around and i enjoyed the company, but it was NSA casual and there were never any sleepovers. we'd get together every month or so and had a great time. the sex was of that metaphysical kind where you blend into one being, you get lost in each other's eyes, and when you're done, you realise that several hours have passed. he was 28 and i was 40 - a pretty big age difference, but i'm fit and youthful, and he's mature. now he's 30 and i'm 42

    anyways, a few months ago he revealed that he was in an open relationship and has been so for the past 5 years! i was shocked and said he never mentioned that in his profile or in any of the other play dates we had together. he explained they are together but they don't sleep together. a sexless relationship, which he feels obligated to continue because he sponsors his partner's residency. they've broken up a few times and gotten back together again, seemingly out of guilt or fear of loneliness. i was confused by all the details when he told me all this, but supportive and tried to help him see that there is a disconnect between what he wants and is quietly doing, vs. what he feels is the right thing to do for his partner and to keep up appearances for their mutual friends.

    anyways, i told him that i didn't want to be a home wrecker and that if/when he is truly single, we should continue where we left off because we're compatible and we like each other. this seemed to make him want me more, and i admit we slipped into the sack a couple of times after that talk. there were lots of mutual sexting, hot pics exchanged, etc. and i was getting attached, but at one point we had a talk where i told him i couldn't do this anymore because i was feeling terrible about myself. he said he never wanted to make me feel 2nd best, and that the best thing about me is my heart (he's a cute furry bear cub and i'm a short muscle gym bunny, but something about it works). he seems to have respected my questioning what was going on between us, and is not contacting me or checking out my online profile (which he used to do daily). now this makes me want him more.

    anyways, we haven't seen each other for about 6 weeks now, despite occasional weekly hello-how-are-ya txts and promises to meet up to talk. part of me wants this, but i know that it will be difficult not to jump into the sack again. should i just chalk this one up to the biggest cliché in the book and bow out gracefully, or should i just go for it? am i just projecting my failed LTR rebound on him? i can't stop thinking of him night and day, and he is the only one i have felt any true connection with, despite many dates, hook-ups, and attempts to find another fun guy to hang out with. am i just desperately looking for any shred of a connection and grasping onto straws?!





    stick to your guns for now... you made a good decision to honor yourself (your guilt), and if he reappears in your life, and you can go for it while still honoring your feelings, then gooooo forrrr ittttt... but he's probably going to have to make a change before you can let yourself go for it with a clear conscience
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 30, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    I'll bite. So, let's see:
    * You felt for your NSA fuck buddy: CHECK!
    * Your NSA fuck buddy never mentioned been in an open relationship because, well, it is a NSA thing: CHECK!
    * Your NSA fuck buddy has never mentioned anything about a "Strings Attached" relationship WITH you: CHECK!
    * You feel betrayed: CHECK!
    * You felt the need to create a socket puppet account to share this: CHECK!

    Wake up and smell the roses. It is a train wreck in slow motion. This DOES NOT end with you two living together happily ever after.

    How long you want to prolong your suffering (and the sex with him) is up to you. Just don't blame him for not wanting to renegotiate the terms of the deal. It obviously works just as fine for him now as it used to work for both of you 2 years ago.

    P.s. 2 years is more than enough to be heart broken about a failed relationship. Drop the rebound guy a find yourself a dateable, emotionally available guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    thanks guys. i guess i needed some objective opinions on what i already knew was going on. you're all correct.

    time to move on...
  • yuyu123

    Posts: 2

    Apr 11, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    Drop the rebound guy a find yourself a dateablejakexqfalnker@yahoo.com
  • dengzx

    Posts: 3

    Apr 12, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    get the impression that you, like myself and Bill, need exclusivity in your relationship. Thinking along this line, I think you did the right thing.
    g.gif