how to overcome "love"?!

  • McMacster

    Posts: 94

    Mar 31, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    do you think the only way to overcome love is to cut the contact?

    its like i feel so bad without him and i really get depressed, mad, sad etc and 24/7 thinking of him

    but when i'm with him i feel so good, i forget all my bad thaughts of job, school, family etc, i feel so free - he gives me a lot but these feelings are also peppered with hate, because of him i suffer so much but i always try to make him happy and he makes me happy

    i dont know what to do i am so confused and i want to get rid of it but on the other side i dont want to break the contact between us

    i am kinda popular and have a lot of friends but in reality i feel alone and that this person whom i use to love is my "best friend"

    as i onced said he might be gay and everybody ask me about him if he was gay but i know that even if he is,
    it would never come to a relationship due to his familiar, religious and cultural background - its realy complicated

    he is someone who wants to fulfil the expectations of his family - marriage, kids etc. thats his life goal instead of living a free, indipendent life, which i cant understand

    I still kept my feelings for him secret, because if i tell him, it would be so embarrissing for me, that i never could look again into his eyes

    i think i need professional help... icon_sad.gif

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Mar 31, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    McMacster said i think i need professional help... icon_sad.gif

    Yes you do; and what you have is a crush - not love. Find someone elsem who actually is gay.
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    Mar 31, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    I agree this is a crush not love find someone that's obtainable
  • McMacster

    Posts: 94

    Mar 31, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    your comment is so nonsense

    its not a crush or fencying somebody its something deeper and also sexual interests are in the background

    i cant explain it properly what i feel but i know its not a crush

    this goes now for 3 years

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    The best way to move on from old love is to find new love. Good luck.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Apr 01, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    McMacster saidyour comment is so nonsense

    its not a crush or fencying somebody its something deeper and also sexual interests are in the background

    i cant explain it properly what i feel but i know its not a crush

    this goes now for 3 years



    It's not that the feelings aren't real or deep, but they're not love because has to be a two way street. True love is when both partners are in the that realm of feelings. If it's one person feeling it, it's just a crush. Still powerful, still real, still painful, but a crush nonetheless. I "fell in love" with a guy who broke my heart and then got married to someone else. Now that I'm wiser I realize it was a crush because he didn't love me back.

    Anyway, if you can't tell, try not to be so obsessed with it. Open yourself up to others. It'll be hard at first because you'll keep comparing everyone to him and you'll reject or get rejected one by one, but as you move on time will start to close up that wound. It'll be slow. There's not really a sure quick way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    Been There...
    The Honest truth is, you never really get over it completely.
    You deal with it and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    Love... you never really know what it is until you've experienced it for yourself... don't ever become emotionally unavailable; if you have the choice. Making it through the bad times is worth it.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    It sounds like by your post that it's causing you A LOT more pain than you want to recognize.

    It's going to be really hard for you to just cut ties with him. I think some therapy might help you to prepare for this and deal with your feelings in a safe environment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:07 PM GMT
    Cutting all contact won't necessarily do it. Being realistic will. If you know that you're living in a dream, smack yourself in the head and wake up.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 02, 2012 1:16 PM GMT
    Let logic take over and subordinate the emotion. If it is logical to leave love behind...... perhaps that will help.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Apr 02, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    McMacster saiddo you think the only way to overcome love is to cut the contact?

    its like i feel so bad without him and i really get depressed, mad, sad etc and 24/7 thinking of him

    but when i'm with him i feel so good, i forget all my bad thaughts of job, school, family etc, i feel so free - he gives me a lot but these feelings are also peppered with hate, because of him i suffer so much but i always try to make him happy and he makes me happy

    i dont know what to do i am so confused and i want to get rid of it but on the other side i dont want to break the contact between us

    i am kinda popular and have a lot of friends but in reality i feel alone and that this person whom i use to love is my "best friend"

    as i onced said he might be gay and everybody ask me about him if he was gay but i know that even if he is,
    it would never come to a relationship due to his familiar, religious and cultural background - its realy complicated

    he is someone who wants to fulfil the expectations of his family - marriage, kids etc. thats his life goal instead of living a free, indipendent life, which i cant understand

    I still kept my feelings for him secret, because if i tell him, it would be so embarrissing for me, that i never could look again into his eyes

    i think i need professional help... icon_sad.gif



    My Best advice is to tell you you may be in love with him, however, he is not open to be in love with you due to his views and so you must stop yourself from chasing him and waiting as this will lead to you missing out on great guys who may be the right for you. I suggest you see a therapist (there's nothing wront with finding a professional to talk to) and vent your frustrations. Realize he is not the one for you and slowly start to move on. Good luck.
  • What_May

    Posts: 20

    Apr 02, 2012 10:20 PM GMT
    Quoting the word "love" in your subject is self admittance that you believe what you feel isn't necessarily love, but just a crush.

    Move on... Perhaps professional help is required. Wouldn't hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    In truth, I've never overcome love. I've learned to succumb to it; and serve it as it serves me icon_twisted.gif <3!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    No one but you can decide if it's love or not. Also, love isn't always a 2 way street.

    You need to step back a little from him if you can and try to find someone else. Understand that he's not a option and try to move on.