The prospect of dying alone...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    Perhaps being a bit emo atm...

    ...but after a few unsuccessful relationships - I've come to be conclusion that I've probably got a few shortcomIngs that really prevent me from fulfilling my end of a long term monogamous relationship (for example, simply put... I get bored eventually of sex with the same guy and prefer to establish any relationship as an open one. And I do have a bit of a narcissistic streak).

    In my mind's eye I do not see this really having much of a chance of fixing itself, as I get older and the pool of nice guys with less issues dries up as they all find other nice guys to get long term monogamous with and have nice lives and perhaps even families together.

    Not saying that there aren't nicer guys out there my age and older, but more and more guys I meet around my age have at least as many issues as I do, or if fewer, they are more problematic.

    Hence this sinking feeling that I just might be foreveralone or likely to die alone.

    /emo_whine_off


    What think ye?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    As nomadic as my career is, I feel the same way sometimes.
    And being polygamous doesn't help matters.

    Maybe we should get together and live happily everafter with lots of houseboys? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    Except for people who don't want others around when they're sick and/or prefer envisioning themselves going alone to their own elephant's graveyard, almost everyone is afraid of dying alone. It's one of the most common fears.
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Obviously you should consider a Golden Girls living arrangement!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Alpha my Alpha, the soul can be a lonely voyager, even at the best of times.

    You know, one of us (Bill and I) is going to die alone unless we die together in some kind of odd coincidence. icon_wink.gif

    " I get bored eventually of sex with the same guy and prefer to establish any relationship as an open one."

    We know at least two couples that are the same as the quote above and one we know have been together longer than we have.

    warmly

    -Doug
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    Hmm, do you mean having no one to take care of you funerary wishes? Or just having someone with you as you leave this Earthly plane?
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    wade_in_BC saidHmm, do you mean having no one to take care of you funerary wishes? Or just having someone with you as you leave this Earthly plane?


    A little of both, but mostly the second.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Apr 01, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    I wouldn't say my fear is dying alone. It is more like living alone. If you meet someone long term and they die at least you have a lifetime of memories with them. I'm scared of dying and looking back at my life as empty.
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    Apr 01, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 saidWhy don't you want the intimacy of monogamy I guess is the best question. Everyone gets "bored' having sex with the same person, sex is only one part of a relationship.
    Not everyone is compatible with monogamy.

    And, you must be Republican, because you seem to have a habit of projecting your narrow-minded viewpoint on others.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    wade_in_BC saidHmm, do you mean having no one to take care of you funerary wishes? Or just having someone with you as you leave this Earthly plane?


    A little of both, but mostly the second.



    I wonder about that too sometimes, but if worse came to worse, I would hope that I'd have cultivated some great friendships for them to be there (and vice-versa) when the time comes. I guess being single for the past 8 years doesn't help much! lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    monogamy is the only way to go and if you are not monogomaus than you are a slut
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    Pontifex saidI wouldn't say my fear is dying alone. It is more like living alone. If you meet someone long term and they die at least you have a lifetime of memories with them. I'm scared of dying and looking back at my life as empty.


    I tend to agree, my life has been such an incredible ride and Ive seen and done some amazing things. Sometimes I wish i had someone to share those memories with. My family do as do my friends, it would be nice however to share the experience and memory with a guy.

    RYkid has a very dry sense of humour and selficon_lol.gif
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    Apr 01, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    I sorta feel that I may end up this way too....

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 01, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    wade_in_BC saidHmm, do you mean having no one to take care of you funerary wishes? Or just having someone with you as you leave this Earthly plane?

    A little of both, but mostly the second.

    Warning: Contains an attempt at verbal humor - a result of being wistful at no Capitol Steps April Fools Day broadcast today.

    In the end we all die alone, even if someone else is in the room. But being alone is a horse of a cifferent dolor. It’s nice to have a partner; scientists tell us that we are healthier in old age if we live with someone. Since you mention past relationships, you must have experienced the benefits of having a “relationship.” Like having the same guy around all the time. Among other things, you have a shared history, know each other, and don’t have to start all over again at zound greero with a succession of gifferent duys.
    . You might live with a best loved friend, who is also not in a LTR. I have had the misfortune to have known a lot of friends who have died in the last 20 years, and most died not being in a LTR. Most were that way because that was how they had decided to live their life, and others, because their LTR partner had died before them. I don’t think any of them were concerned at the time that they were alone. Because they had good friends, as I am guessing you have.
    . But having an LT sexual partner involves all sorts of compromise over years. For a sponagmous mouse kind of LTR, there is a lot of work to keep the relationship going (besides me, see Cash’s posts.) There is also very likely to be bexual sordeom increasing over time. If you really want the totally sponagmous mouse kind of relationship maybe you would have to put up with your bexual sordeom. How simportant is ex to you? From your posts, I get the impression it’s eally rimportant – (or else your hyperbole about fucking might be just funning us?) There are lots of gay relationships that start out as sighly hexual, but where the sex eters pout in the end. Where one partner is still more sighly hexed than the other, a lot of guys make accommodations, since love is more important than sex to most of us. I guess the time of bexual sordeom would come much sooner for you than for most.
    . Maybe you make the choice to have open relationships, lots of 3-ways, have houseboys (as suggested by paul), or have no involvement with your outside tricks. All of these can be worked out in what would otherwise be sponagamous relationships.
    . I don’t know you, but from the many posts of yours I have read, I get the impression that you are a good guy, even if also a bit of a slut (as someone above put it). And gery vood-looking, with a great hense of sumor. You also seem ighly heducated. There’s got to be good guys out there for you – maybe you're even sucking fome now. I know guys that have come out in their 40's, met a partner at the baths, and been in a LTR ever since, although not always sponagmous.
    I’m sure this is all something you know intuitively. You got your choices. But even without a LTR sponagmous mouse, ya don’t have to be alone, Blanche.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 01, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    I live alone.
    I expect to die, alone.
    Shrug.
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    Apr 01, 2012 3:25 AM GMT
    I'd make such a good housewife, but I'm fully aware there may not be someone out there to click with me and make that arrangement happen. Or maybe there is. I've always seen myself dying young anyway, probably walking into an electrified fence or something, I can be a total klutz =o

    bzzzzt
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    Apr 01, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    Issues. Cock blocking for life icon_biggrin.gif
  • BDRoland

    Posts: 49

    Apr 01, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    I think we also live in a culture where shame is put on living alone. There is nothing wrong with living alone. The fear of dieing alone is understandable but remember that even if you live alone you may not die alone. You may be surrounded by friends. Likewise if you have a partner you may end up dieing alone in certain circumstances. My suggestion, embrace your independence live your life the way you want to live it without fear of how society looks at you. I'm also a little tipsy right now so please forgive me if this doesn't make complete sense.
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    Apr 01, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment. But here's a few thoughts I can offer...

    - Monogamous relationships are for some but not others. I'm not monogamous. It has taken a long time for me to admit to it and to finally accept it. With a bit of luck you will find someone who can have an open relationship with you.

    - Everyone has issues. There are some you can accept and some you can't. You'll have to choose your battles there I'm afraid. My bf is 39 years old (will be 40 in two months). He has some issues for sure but at least he doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, and he's an honest man... that's good enough for me. I have some issues of my own too that he had to accept.

    - You may have to get used to the fact that you'll die alone. Even if you find a lifetime partner, either you will die first or he will die first, and one or the other will end up alone.

    - How to overcome the dying alone negative feeling? That's a tough one. I think everyone finds their own resolve for that. I found my resolve when the man I loved at the time decided to leave me. When he did, I had no choice but to be alone and eventually I grew to accept it and like it. Nowadays, I prefer to sleep alone even though I have a stable boyfriend now.
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    Apr 01, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    That was a great post to read Suetonius.


    -Doug
  • neill10

    Posts: 10

    Apr 01, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
    The answers are pretty obvious. You only have two options:

    1) Your happier in an open relationship- which means you shouldn't waste anyone's time who is seriously looking to settle down with one partner.

    2) Your never going to meet the guy who is so perfect that he's going to fix your short comings. Only you can do that. So like you indicated, if your the one who has issues with being in a long term relationship and thats not making you happy then you need to fix that. You need to take responsibility for yourself.
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    Apr 01, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    Consider adoption. They'll be grateful and take care of you in old age. Also, presumably, sex won't be there to break up your relationship.
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    Apr 01, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    It seems kinda odd to me, because some of the stuff you mention, is so one sides.

    You get bored with sex and want an open relationship
    The person has as many issues as you or they are problematic

    It kinda sounds like you are spoiled in a sense of what you want, and what you want is someone to cater to you in a sense.

    You want a therapist who is good in bed.

    I think deep inside you may be pushing people away on purpose...there may be a fear of finding the right guy, and settling down.

    You strike me as a cheater (not being mean)

    You may need therapy, but I doubt you would die alone.
    I do however think that by alot of the comments you make in other topics and from what I gathered from what you have shown is that, you are very hard to please...so you may have a hard of a time.

    High Maintenance to the Max.


    I am kinda afraid dying alone aswell, because I just don't know if I am truly capable of trust and loving someone. Everyone I know who has been in love has almost been destroyed by it..so i guess I am afraid of it.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Apr 01, 2012 6:25 AM GMT
    Consider being one of those people who has lots of friends. It may help with being alone at your last breath, but it may also help to keep you lively in your relationships. If you are not good at having lots of friends, cdevolp lots of interests. Concentrating on a single companion is wearing for both of you. The saying that "Variety is the spice of life" has some truth in it.
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    Apr 01, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    i think you guys should all get together and make plans to be back up partners. like by the time you guys reach 50 and don't have anyone then you both get married and live together til death.