Do You Ever Feel Like You are Not Enough: Low Self Esteem

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    Apr 02, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    I find guys who like me and stuff, but my self esteem is so low that I either push them away or isolate myself and I really missed out a guy I loved, and he is getting married,I feel so crushed, but I think I am so beneath alot of guys that I feel they would never be happy with me or cheat on me, and I would be hurt so it scares me to even try.

    I get compliments and stuff all the time, but I just can't shake the feelings of negativity in my head.

    This issue came from my family who verbally abused me for years, everything that is in the book. I would cry everyday, I can't look in the mirror and I see everything that is wrong, never right.

    I just don't know how I can ever find love if I don't love myself.
    I am trying so hard to tell myself I am someone, and worth love...but I just feel worthless. I know it is not true, but I don't want to put myself out there and get hurt.

    Does anyone else has low self esteem or struggled with it in the past, and if you did then how did you overcome it?

    I really need help?
    I am trying to change, but I feel like I am not making progress.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Apr 02, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    yes u do need help, you not the only one on this site
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    Apr 02, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    Yes mate you do need to get yourself some help. I did a load of counselling when I first came out, and Im glad i did.
    Its not a bad thing to ask for help.icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 02, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    It's hard to get started, but with help it's easier to keep a more positive self image. Its a long process, but it's worth it. Don't be surprised if you find that you find that you think one thing now, but realize the things that are good for your aren't exactly what you'd expected to find.
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    Apr 02, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    I try to focus on the positive, but in the back of my head..negative is still there. I have to change my whole way of thinking, and it is going to take alot of time.
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    Apr 02, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    I used to think a lot of really psycho neg. shht, but slowly began to tell myself I was okay. Then I told myself I was okay, whenever the bad emotions and ideas overtook me. So maybe 6 times a week. Then it was daily... then changed it after Realizing that I was okay; to "I'm great!", "I'm going to do great today at work.", "I'm not going to smoke", "I don't need to smoke"... as my belief in myself grew, so the degree to which I imagine myself being better grew too. It should work the same for you. Step by step... but please, still seek help. Whip your own ass into shape! Turn those mountains into molehills! It IS Worth IT!
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    We're never gonna be enough for anybody.
    But we are enough for ourselves. That's what matters.
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:56 AM GMT
    Like the others suggested, I'd seek out professional help.
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    Apr 03, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    I guess so...
    but I am afraid of going to someone like that, where I am from it has a negative connotation.

    I know I should not care, but I don't know...I do
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Apr 03, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    ._. Q_Q '-' ;_; T_T

    What.. afraid of not being good enough for the white guy you wanna marry?................. ZINGicon_exclaim.gif
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Apr 03, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    keep telling yourself ''i AM enough, I DO enough, I HAVE enough"
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    Apr 03, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said._. Q_Q '-' ;_; T_T

    What.. afraid of not being good enough for the white guy you wanna marry?................. ZINGicon_exclaim.gif


    icon_sad.gif No..im afraid that marriage will never be an option for me, if I keep pushing people away from me.

    @ChilaxinJOCK..I swear I do that, but I don't believe what I am saying.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Apr 03, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    JamieJfromTheA@ChilaxinJOCK..I swear I do that, but I don't believe what I am saying.


    yeah same here, ive gone to counseling tho on and off since 2008. It helps ALOT with this kinda stuff. I was verbally abused for most of my growing up as well. I was raised by an extreeemely narcissistic individual and it has been kinda tough to build myself to be a confident person. But I know I can get there! U can do it dude....like a person above said, youre recogninzing your issues at a young age, which means you are so far ahead of the game and wil make efforts to improve yourself.
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    Apr 03, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI guess so...
    but I am afraid of going to someone like that, where I am from it has a negative connotation.

    I know I should not care, but I don't know...I do


    Well, consider,
    "This issue came from my family who verbally abused me for years, everything that is in the book."

    Perhaps it's another negative connotation for you to ignore and/or reject, besides those your family inflicted. icon_wink.gif


    very warmly,

    -Doug
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 03, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    I used to have low self-esteem, but after life kicks your ass enough times and you still find yourself standing, eventually I found a whole lot to be proud of in my resilience. Chances are that if you're gay you had your disproportionate share of challenges as well. You're tough if you're still hanging in- find value and self-esteem in that. You probably have a lot of other great things going on as well. Gay men tend to underestimate the strength that we develop as a result of difficulties we face- recognize your strength, own it, and let its radiate from you as confidence and positive self-regard.
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    Apr 03, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    I was just at the start of a clinical style depression the time I came on to Realjock. being gay in the Caribbean with no gay friends among my immediate circle was quite the pits... talking to people here really helped bring me out of the dumps...
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    Apr 03, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    ChilaxinJOCK09 said
    JamieJfromTheA@ChilaxinJOCK..I swear I do that, but I don't believe what I am saying.


    yeah same here, ive gone to counseling tho on and off since 2008. It helps ALOT with this kinda stuff. I was verbally abused for most of my growing up as well. I was raised by an extreeemely narcissistic individual and it has been kinda tough to build myself to be a confident person. But I know I can get there! U can do it dude....like a person above said, youre recogninzing your issues at a young age, which means you are so far ahead of the game and wil make efforts to improve yourself.


    What he said. It might feel like you're saying it in vain but, after enough time and self validation, you can slowly replace all the negative voices people have put in your head with the ones that you want instead.

    Whenever you think "I can't..." think back in reflex "I can!" as many times as you care to. Sooner rather than later, your "I can!" thoughts will seem to catch your "I can't." thoughts dead in their tracks.
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    Apr 03, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    Self esteem and solid confidence is a journey in life when you start out at the opposite of the "high" end.

    I've gone through so many ups and downs over my years. I was either too short, too skinny, too Asian, too...whatever, or not enough of..whatever. Sometimes, I still go through these things, but I handle it much, much better now than in the past.

    The key is you have to feel good about who you are today, no matter what your physical or emotional or career/financial goals are for tomorrow. If you're not happy with the here and now, then you'll never progress to the future. And don't compare yourself to others.

    The other, more important key, is LOVE. Love for others and self-love (get your mind outta the gutter, boys). To gain self-love, close your eyes, and just picture yourself, then go from head to toe stating how much you love each and every part of your body. Then, think of the strengths of our personality and the person you are, and state how much you love those things, i.e, "I love my generosity, I love my friendliness, I love my focus on career goals", etc. Do this nightly, and maybe even whenever you wake up and you will be amazed how much your paradigm changes without you even being aware of it.

    At the same time, and I don't know if this fits you or not, focus on not criticizing or judging others. You will be surprised of the boomerang effect here. The more you do not find fault in others, the less fault you find in yourself. Finding fault in others is usually displaced insecurities of your own.

    As Chilaxin said, you're at a good point to start this paradigm change. I didn't have the slightest clue how to change my own thinking until my mid-30's. I'm still my own work in progress.

    I think the first starting point for you right now , is to put your build/height/weight on your profile and add more pictures. Feel good about who you are today.

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    Apr 03, 2012 6:44 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidSelf esteem and solid confidence is a journey in life when you start out at the opposite of the "high" end.

    I've gone through so many ups and downs over my years. I was either too short, too skinny, too Asian, too...whatever, or not enough of..whatever. Sometimes, I still go through these things, but I handle it much, much better now than in the past.

    The key is you have to feel good about who you are today, no matter what your physical or emotional or career/financial goals are for tomorrow. If you're not happy with the here and now, then you'll never progress to the future. And don't compare yourself to others.

    The other, more important key, is LOVE. Love for others and self-love (get your mind outta the gutter, boys). To gain self-love, close your eyes, and just picture yourself, then go from head to toe stating how much you love each and every part of your body. Then, think of the strengths of our personality and the person you are, and state how much you love those things, i.e, "I love my generosity, I love my friendliness, I love my focus on career goals", etc. Do this nightly, and maybe even whenever you wake up and you will be amazed how much your paradigm changes without you even being aware of it.

    At the same time, and I don't know if this fits you or not, focus on not criticizing or judging others. You will be surprised of the boomerang effect here. The more you do not find fault in others, the less fault you find in yourself. Finding fault in others is usually displaced insecurities of your own.

    As Chilaxin said, you're at a good point to start this paradigm change. I didn't have the slightest clue how to change my own thinking until my mid-30's. I'm still my own work in progress.

    I think the first starting point for you right now , is to put your build/height/weight on your profile and add more pictures. Feel good about who you are today.



    I agree to an extent and understand but my issue isnt all physical.
    I sometimes just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. As far as pictures and height and stuff that is not really my full concern(I know im not ugly if such a thing truly even exist). I am not worried if people online think im hot or not I just sometimes dont like who I am as a person, like my personality.

    My sister once told me that I am too annoying to ever find someone to love me.

    It is not just a physical basis because I get told I am handsome and stuff alot, but I feel like such an oxymoron, because I do like me and my personality, but I feel like no one else will reguardless of what I am told...so I still feel bad at the end of the day.

    I want to feel like other guys will want to be with me, but even if they say they do..something in me cannot accept it as the truth. It's like I have this impulse that is so afraid of being broken or damaged again, that my mind makes me shut down all forms of romantic happiness before it even happens.

    It's like let me say goodbye to you before you say goodbye to me.
    When people think of low self esteem they auto think looks, and yeah I do sometimes struggle with that

    but sometimes It's my whole personality that I wonder if someone else will like me, because I like it, but the fact that I may never find someone who doesnt make me not like it.

    I know that sounds so complicated and weird...I am sorry, it is just hard to explain.
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    Apr 03, 2012 6:58 AM GMT
    Man thats how loads of us feel initially and around your age, weather gay or straight. You really do need to go and see a counsellor,
    One thing I used to do is just fake it, keep faking it until you believe your good enough.

    Seriously RJ has helped me out of the cycle of depression too, however see someone who is trained, you will feel better. Also be aware that sometimes its easier to complain and whinge than to do something about it.
    Choose your path and go with it.icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 03, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said


    I agree to an extent and understand but my issue isnt all physical.
    I sometimes just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. As far as pictures and height and stuff that is not really my full concern(I know im not ugly if such a thing truly even exist). I am not worried if people online think im hot or not I just sometimes dont like who I am as a person, like my personality.

    My sister once told me that I am too annoying to ever find someone to love me.

    It is not just a physical basis because I get told I am handsome and stuff alot, but I feel like such an oxymoron, because I do like me and my personality, but I feel like no one else will reguardless of what I am told...so I still feel bad at the end of the day.

    I want to feel like other guys will want to be with me, but even if they say they do..something in me cannot accept it as the truth. It's like I have this impulse that is so afraid of being broken or damaged again, that my mind makes me shut down all forms of romantic happiness before it even happens.

    It's like let me say goodbye to you before you say goodbye to me.
    When people think of low self esteem they auto think looks, and yeah I do sometimes struggle with that

    but sometimes It's my whole personality that I wonder if someone else will like me, because I like it, but the fact that I may never find someone who doesnt make me not like it.

    I know that sounds so complicated and weird...I am sorry, it is just hard to explain.


    I hear what you're saying. And it is complicated and it's simple at the same time. What I suggested appears to be just about the physical, but it's more about the whole. The "self love" exercise allows you to accept you as a whole, the physical part, and the personality part. Once you can learn to accept yourself, in whole, then it will allow you to move past the feelings of someone not accepting you or someone saying goodbye to you. Because all you will know and think is that others love you, deeply, because you love yourself. And I suggested the profile update because again, that is a representation of you as a whole. You say that you like your physical and your personal, but its' clear you doubt it at the same time. You need to just love it, period. Hope that makes sense.

    I went through years thinking that I liked who i was, physically, emotionally, and personally. Yet i always felt ugly, angry, and that people thought I was just unlikeable. Even though I had plenty of friends, may male and female pursuers, and people loved being around me. Until i learned to "love myself", I couldn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I do now...and am still working on it.
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    Apr 03, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    i blah blah blah and stuff. freakin annoying way to sound like a tard and stuff...

    honestly, man up! if you think you're not enough, the trick is to do something about it and always continue to do something make yourself more! as for how you think others perceive you, well, you have to learn to get over that! chances are they perceive others in the same way your perceive others... meaning, they probably don't think long and hard about anyone but themselves.
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    Apr 03, 2012 7:48 AM GMT
    Sometimes I feel like a nut...


    ...but sometimes I don't.

    mounds.jpg
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidSometimes I feel like a nut...


    ...but sometimes I don't.

    mounds.jpg


    and sometimes you just like to feel nuts...and you always do... icon_razz.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidI was just at the start of a clinical style depression the time I came on to Realjock. being gay in the Caribbean with no gay friends among my immediate circle was quite the pits... talking to people here really helped bring me out of the dumps...


    Same here, it's depressing sometimes but all I do is look in the mirror and remind my self that I still look good icon_smile.gif