Guys with a "too busy" excuse

  • hng90

    Posts: 76

    Apr 02, 2012 5:27 AM GMT
    Just got out of a relationship. It sure hurt but now I'm getting over it.
    He was a nice guy but we were looking for different things in a relationship or he just got bored of me and using "too busy" as an excuse.
    He's 25 and works full time. I live in the city and he lives in the suburbs (like 45 mins) away go we just get to see each other on weekends and I don't know if that's one of the reason why our relationship can't work out. Plus, I keep getting mixed signals from him cause I didn't know whether he's still interested in me or not, cause he would not text me as much as he used to be when we first met anymore. Do you think it's possible for a guy to be "too busy" to even pick up the call or even text his boyfriend back. I mean no one can be so busy that they don't even have 30 second to text his boyfriend back when he can't answer the phone and let him know, right?
    I was overwhelmed and tired and I let him know how I was feeling cause I never let talked about it to him, therefore I was hoping he would understand me and makes things work. Unfortunately, after hearing me and how I felt about our relationship, he just wanted me to date someone else cause he's "too busy" and he couldn't offer what I want from him and I didn't ask him much but I want he to communicate more with me since we can't see each other as much. I wasn't expecting a break up but I agreed and respected his opinion.
    My question is do you think it's possible for a guy to be "too busy" to care for/talk/text his boyfriend when they are in relationship?
    Now I'm trying to move on and do you think bars/clubs are a good place to find your Mr.Right cause that's where I met my ex.
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Apr 02, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    He's probably just not interested.
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    Yeah I understand man, sucks yet they have time to respond others within minutes, anyways he probably wasnt that into you or just wanted to use you for whatever reason. Just learn from it and yeah the too busy excuse is total bs
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    about being "too busy", read this from the author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You":
    http://www.ebooks.com/214112/he-s-just-not-that-into-you/behrendt-greg-tuccillo-liz/
  • hng90

    Posts: 76

    Apr 02, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    He just really confused me cause he would drive all the way from his place to my place just to pick me up every weekend to hang out. It was really confusing when I was with him icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:06 AM GMT
    he's just not that into you
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:09 AM GMT
    Automatic dealbreaker. I've been in a 3 year relationship with someone who was more busy than most of these chumps imagine themselves to be. Guys can make time; if they care to make the effort to make the relationship work from their end as well. Get off your cell phone on the first date. Respect your date, and what he has to offer. Or go back to one night stands and QAF reruns and dream of what "could be".
  • hng90

    Posts: 76

    Apr 02, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    BuffTennisJock saidabout being "too busy", read this from the author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You":
    http://www.ebooks.com/214112/he-s-just-not-that-into-you/behrendt-greg-tuccillo-liz/


    “Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything
    related to his feelings for you”

    "“Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”

    “I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”

    OMG AMEN!! Thank you!!! Should have known from the first start!!
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:13 AM GMT
    People are always too busy for whatever they don't want to do. Others stress themselves out because they think they're busy but are not AT ALL.
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    If he wanted to make time... He would...
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    Apr 02, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    There are too many of those around.
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    Apr 02, 2012 7:00 AM GMT
    mizzouguy10 saidTell me about it. I've had people who are SUPER into me, and then suddenly are too busy...

    Yes, i've had that before as well. Very strange. I think most of them are bipolar or something though, so I didn't hold any grudge against them.
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    Apr 02, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    hng90 said
    BuffTennisJock saidabout being "too busy", read this from the author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You":
    http://www.ebooks.com/214112/he-s-just-not-that-into-you/behrendt-greg-tuccillo-liz/


    “Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything
    related to his feelings for you”

    "“Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”

    “I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”

    OMG AMEN!! Thank you!!! Should have known from the first start!!


    Exactly the truth. icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 02, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    yeho_0shua said... Guys can make time; if they care to make the effort to make the relationship work from their end as well...


    This is spot-on. It's all about priorities. If you were a priority, he would make the time... as he did in the past.

    And if you're NOT a priority, and he still wanted to drag this out, would you really want to continue on as a low priority person subservient to a BF's whims?
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    Apr 02, 2012 7:11 AM GMT
    BuffTennisJock saidabout being "too busy", read this from the author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You":
    http://www.ebooks.com/214112/he-s-just-not-that-into-you/behrendt-greg-tuccillo-liz/

    this

    When a guy wants to - when he, REALLY, wants to, he will move earth and sea to make it happen.

    When he doesn't really, or just kinda sorta then, meehh...excuses happen.
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    Apr 02, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    intensity69 said
    yeho_0shua said... Guys can make time; if they care to make the effort to make the relationship work from their end as well...


    This is spot-on. It's all about priorities. If you were a priority, he would make the time... as he did in the past.

    And if you're NOT a priority, and he still wanted to drag this out, would you really want to continue on as a low priority person subservient to a BF's whims?


    Thats why I dropped my last BF. He was ALWAYS "busy", with "friends" or asleep somewhere, somewhere that was not my bed. When I broke my arm badly in 2006, he didn't even stay at the hospital to see was I ok after the Op, instead he went to a party, with friends, And by christ they were a bunch of snobs. I could not stand them. icon_sad.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 02, 2012 8:05 AM GMT
    These stupid men are cowards who have no balls to tell you that they don't like you or don't wanna spend time with you

    I believe no one is SOO busy they can't send a txt to even SAY they are busy but will get back to you, that's just common courtesy.

    This really makes me upset and I can't believe a guy like the OP goes through this shit

    What's even more fucked is when I call guys out on it and THEY get mad at ME!! icon_rolleyes.gif you can never win

    And the "he's just not that into you" thing, is that an excuse to be rude??
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    Apr 02, 2012 9:54 AM GMT
    Too busy = you are not a priority.

    It is as simple as that. Of course sometimes shifting priorities (giving up a very high pressure job) is massively difficult and unlikely to happen, but this is a simple one. You are not his priority.
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    Apr 02, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    I understand the "I'm too busy to talk" situation. Sometimes work and personal issues can be overwhelming, and they prevent us from communicating with our loved ones. That should be an exception, however, and not the rule. It takes 2 seconds to text "I miss you" or "I love you." It takes 1 minute to call or email someone to say "I hope you're having a great day." If your boyfriend cannot find 1 or 2 seconds to connect with you every so often (and I'm not talking about multiple times a day), something's terribly wrong. You're right to move on. You will find someone else who can appreciate and treasure you.
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    BuffTennisJock saidabout being "too busy", read this from the author of the book "He's Just Not That Into You":
    http://www.ebooks.com/214112/he-s-just-not-that-into-you/behrendt-greg-tuccillo-liz/

    this

    When a guy wants to - when he, REALLY, wants to, he will move earth and sea to make it happen.

    When he doesn't really, or just kinda sorta then, meehh...excuses happen.


    Agreed!
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    DR2K saidHe's probably just not interested.


    Yes. That's it exactly.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 02, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    At best... he isn't prioritizing the relationship or isn't elevating you to the level of importance you expect (and should be if it is a serious consideration). I would assume that if he is approaching the relationship in this way, he either doesn't view it as important or isn't into you.
    Either way, you should move on.
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    Apr 02, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    People CAN be too busy, it's legitimate. Which makes it a great excuse they will use when they're actually NOT too busy. Leaving the other guy to guess which is the truth. But either way if he isn't meeting your expectations, then he isn't, for whatever reason, and could be time to move on.

    As for the busy part, I've been in jobs & situations where if I wasn't busy at that moment, but I was just too mentally beat to respond to something or someone else right that minute. I just needed a quiet time out to recharge the batteries. In a way, I would have done the other person a disservice if I had replied immediately, because my mind wasn't focused on what they wanted to discuss with me right then & there.

    So I'd defer it, and given my dreadful short-term memory, often subsequently forget it altogether, which caused me untold grief. But with a thousand other things on your mind that are urgent you can just lose track. Some guys handle it better than others, and I've taken 1-Minute Manager courses and all the rest, but I still would screw it up.

    And who knows, maybe this guy is a workaholic, his true passion his work. If that's the case, not an inherently bad guy, just the wrong guy for the OP.
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    Apr 02, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    Being the offending party in such a relationship - (not in relation to the OP, heheh) I can say that this can very well be a symptom of and end-stage in a relationship.

    My last partner became sexually unfulfilling (he wanted the sex, but was generally unimaginative - I grew sexually bored, and made myself busy with other activities - work, video gaming, etc. all while keeping on "going thru the motions" of the relationship otherwise).

    Probably should have had the talk years ago before the distrust and bitterness set in. We did discuss (very very briefly) the idea of opening the relationship which did not go over well, lol.

    There has to be a certain amount of discernment though.

    Guys can become legitimately busy - especially in the current economic climate where having a job to go to tomorrow is no less certainly guaranteeded anymore than drawing your next breath.

    Consider the other factors and make your conclusions carefully.

    And by all means... communicate. Don't be a douche like I was and clam up thinking you're being the better man by "suffering silently".
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    Apr 02, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    It sounds like he's just playing games.