Advice: little communication after meeting up two weeks ago - call?

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    Apr 02, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    Hey guys - new here and completely new to dating. I don't really have many gay friends so would appreciate the advice.

    On a Friday a couple of weeks ago, i had a very substantive conversation with a guy on a4a (surprising eh?). He was cool and I was excited to meet up. He's relationship-oriented, which is what I am going for these days (I previously used a4a mainly to browse/hook-up when I had time, but that was almost never since my old job consumed my life). I made full disclosure that I wasn't completely out and he was cool with that, but both of us agreed that we clicked. We exchanged numbers and texted back and forth a bit. He proactively sent a nice morning greeting on Monday.

    That Tuesday, we met up for drinks at his place and had a pretty great conversation for a few hours...we share a lot of interests and talked about things we could do together. We ended up hooking up/oral...which I took as a good sign since we seemed to have hit it off and he made comments on how he is picky with guys.

    It was pretty late by the time I left...we talked about meeting up again. He didn't seem particularly awkward but did make a couple interesting comments (e.g. I need to shower because I feel dirty). I didn't really know how to react so I didn't address the comment and perhaps seemed too nonchalant after hooking up...I think I also seemed over eager to meet again.

    Next day (Wed.) I sent a text just saying I had a good time and if he would be interested in meeting again...no response. I followed up with a call the day after and left a brief voice mail. He responded via text the next morning saying he had a good time as well and to apologize for missing my call since friends were in town but that we could try to meet up after they leave. He also referenced a concert I mentioned I would be going to. I sent a couple texts in response (actually the same text...my iPhone was giving me errors, but it seems that these errors are false and people actually receive the texts...) to which I received no responses.

    I didn't text over the next 3 days and sent an innocuous text on Monday asking how his weekend was and for the name of this blog we talked about...to which I received no response. He happened to be on a4a that night and I sent a short "hey how's it going" message...which was left unread. He responded by text this last Thursday apologizing for the delay and that friends were still in town/his bday was that week - gave the name of the blog and hoped I would enjoy it. I haven't heard from him since.

    I'd really like to get to know him better since we clicked, but I'm afraid I might have scared him by seeming over eager since I was excited to have met someone I was interested in (I'm not very good at meeting guys.) My question is whether I should call him again to ask him out, and whether this would be perceived as desperate/clingy. It's been about two weeks since we first met, and about a week and a half since I last asked him out to which he seemed amenable towards. We've had virtually zero communication outside of the two texts.

    Given the lack of communication on his part, my thought is that he isn't interested in meeting up again and didn't want to say "no". Yet I remain hopeful since his two texts were rather warm...and he seemed mature enough to not lead me on. Since I'm new to the gay dating scene, I'm not too sure how to proceed. My gut tells me to not contact him anymore until he initiates, but I really do want to get to know him better. Any advice? Should I just drop this and see if he ever responds?
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    imo he isn't interested and just doesn't have the balls to just say so. If you are more relationship oriented id suggest not having sex on the first date even if it was just oral. rarely do hookups turn into anything more than just hookups. I think it's okay you sent a text saying you had a good time but once you got no response from that you should have just let it go
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    My call is, wanting too much from too little. Relationships with real people in the real world, no matter how detached you are from people or sociable your are, don't work after chit chat and a few things in common.
    --In general =S
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    yeho_Qshua saidMy call is, wanting too much from too little. Relationships with real people in the real world, no matter how detached you are from people or sociable your are, don't work after chit chat and a few things in common.
    --In general =S

    Yea...though it's a start no?

    I agree that I seemed like I wanted too much. Any way to communicate that? Not necessarily looking for a relationship...I don't know very many gay guys and run in very few circles with gay people. It's rare that I would meet a gay guy with similar interests that I could actually hang out with platonically.
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    Move on mate, he's just not that into you.
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    maybe next time you have a date make it at a public place. maybe drinks there. or at a coffee shop. talk about the things you have in common. if they are that into you they will call for a second date. or after the date wait maybe 2 or 3 days text them with interest in a second date. If they reply great if not move on... Just because you had sex doesn't always mean a good sign. I spent 4 hr's with a guy awhile back. He talked up a good game oh joe i just love your eyes, your great smile can't wait too see you again and it was all bullshit. my fault for letting someone come to my home for the first date
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    atljoe74 saidmaybe next time you have a date make it at a public place. maybe drinks there. or at a coffee shop. talk about the things you have in common. if they are that into you they will call for a second date. or after the date wait maybe 2 or 3 days text them with interest in a second date. If they reply great if not move on... Just because you had sex doesn't always mean a good sign. I spent 4 hr's with a guy awhile back. He talked up a good game oh joe i just love your eyes, your great smile can't wait too see you again and it was all bullshit. my fault for letting someone come to my home for the first date

    Thanks. I figured hooking up was bad...but it just happened...
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    Apr 02, 2012 10:55 PM GMT
    muse192 said
    yeho_Qshua saidMy call is, wanting too much from too little. Relationships with real people in the real world, no matter how detached you are from people or sociable your are, don't work after chit chat and a few things in common.
    --In general =S

    Yea...though it's a start no?

    I agree that I seemed like I wanted too much. Any way to communicate that? Not necessarily looking for a relationship...I don't know very many gay guys and run in very few circles with gay people. It's rare that I would meet a gay guy with similar interests that I could actually hang out with platonically.
    Might do you some good to focus on building some platonic gay friendships. It's good to have that perspective in your life for situations just like this.

    As for this guy, let it go for reasons earlier posters have made clear.
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    Apr 02, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    Tenebrism said
    Yea...though it's a start no?

    I agree that I seemed like I wanted too much. Any way to communicate that? Not necessarily looking for a relationship...I don't know very many gay guys and run in very few circles with gay people. It's rare that I would meet a gay guy with similar interests that I could actually hang out with platonically.
    Might do you some good to focus on building some platonic gay friendships. It's good to have that perspective in your life for situations just like this.

    As for this guy, let it go for reasons earlier posters have made clear.

    ^^^ Seconding this... very sensible.
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    Apr 02, 2012 11:34 PM GMT
    I may not be the best one to respond to you (it's been 43 years since I last dated), but I think you ought to ask him out and wait for an answer. Some people's communication skills (it's his I'm referring to) are not very good. Be a little patient, particularly for a guy you think has potential. Now, maybe his lack of communication skills, in and of itself, is a deal breaker for you, and if so, so be it.
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    Follow your "gut" Your instincts, in your last (close to last) paragraph are right on. You seem very thoughtful and analytical. Which is a great quality, in this case, it may be more simplistic. Its him, its not you. The whole "I need to shower thing" is bad. Hes got issues, and may have incorrectly placed you in the "wrong catagory" of potential mates ( I have no issues w anything you did-been there....) . Clearly, someone (you) who could give so much thought to this situation, does not deserve this. Theres another one right around the corner, really. Hang in there. My best advice, and everyone can relate to this wether they admit it or not, delete his # and email now, so when temptation to contact occurs, you wont be able to. Take the advice, and good luckicon_smile.gif
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    Tenebrism said
    muse192 said
    yeho_Qshua saidMy call is, wanting too much from too little. Relationships with real people in the real world, no matter how detached you are from people or sociable your are, don't work after chit chat and a few things in common.
    --In general =S

    Yea...though it's a start no?

    I agree that I seemed like I wanted too much. Any way to communicate that? Not necessarily looking for a relationship...I don't know very many gay guys and run in very few circles with gay people. It's rare that I would meet a gay guy with similar interests that I could actually hang out with platonically.
    Might do you some good to focus on building some platonic gay friendships. It's good to have that perspective in your life for situations just like this.

    As for this guy, let it go for reasons earlier posters have made clear.
    ^^^^This*icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Some guys are turned off by overeagerness from new acquaintances. I know I am. They think it's a sign of desperation. Perhaps your guy lost interest because he perceived you to be too eager and needy (it doesn't necessarily mean that you are). I'd say give it several days and don't contact him. If he thinks you're worth it, he will contact you. If you don't hear from him after several days, move on--opportunities abound.
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    Apr 04, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    I recently had the exact same thing like you (except there was no hooking up invloved or anything). I met a guy that I can actually relate to and we have similar interests (this had never happened before). We ended up having an incredible day out and evening. JUst doing normal shit like playing snooker and stuff. For the first time in my life I experienced love at first sight. I thought this doesn't exist, but it clearly does...

    Because meeting up with someone that I have something in common with and that I can have fun with was such a revelation, I probably pushed it a little as well the next couple of days. After that one day, I never heard of him again... This was a couple of weeks ago.
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    Apr 04, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    muse192 saidMy gut tells me to not contact him anymore until he initiates, but I really do want to get to know him better. Any advice? Should I just drop this and see if he ever responds?
    Listen to your gut. It is telling you the right thing.