My cat--the adultress

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    Aug 02, 2007 1:00 PM GMT
    Sometimes, when I'm sitting on the patio, the guy who lives a couple floors above me comes by and starts petting my cat and talking to her. I smile, of course. Anyway, now my cat will sometimes hear his voice on the upstairs balcony, and start meowing at him. Which is all cute, right?

    I'm thinking, well, why don't you just go live with him, you slut! I feed you, I take care of you. I guess my petting just doesn't do it for you anymore! When I think of all the hairballs I've picked up--but sure, meow for him like you no longer meow for me.

    Do you think cold stares and the silent treatment will work on my cat?

    Do you think my cat and I are ready for an open relationship?
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    Aug 02, 2007 2:16 PM GMT
    Maybe you need to throw a little weight into your petting. You know - a little heavy petting. teehee.

    Anyway, if you're going to have an open relationship, my advice is to complete your romantic threesome with a dog. Dogs are far more loyal. When it comes to loyalty, cats are pussies.
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    Aug 02, 2007 4:37 PM GMT
    cat's independence is kind of charming. if they just gave it to out to everyone, it would be worthless. Dogs are fawning and gross.
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    Aug 02, 2007 4:57 PM GMT
    :D

    I don't think my dogs'll give it out to you. They might've before but now I'm certain they won't. HA!
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    Aug 02, 2007 5:14 PM GMT
    What a f**king pussy.

    My dog will grudge-f**k ya, but doesnt whore around.
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    Aug 02, 2007 7:28 PM GMT
    She's sitting on my lap now, purring away. Oh, she knows I'll feed her. She knows I'll bring out the treats when she starts yowling. I tell her, "Someday I'll get a dog--how would like that? Someone who loves me all the time. Somebody who acts like I make the world go round. Someone who's always there for me. Hmm? How would you like that, kitty? Then where would you be?"

    She just yawns and moves her head in position for some more petting.

    "I won't be ignored, kitty!!!"

    If only I had the guts to end this hopelessly one-sided relationship, but I just can't let go. Excuse me, it's time to clean the litter box.
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    Aug 02, 2007 8:15 PM GMT
    My cat is completely faithful to me. Well, he'll whore himself out all day long to anyone he pleases, but at the end of the night he's always curled up in my bed. Isn't it funny how our pets operate?
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    Aug 02, 2007 9:47 PM GMT
    I have a completely open relationship with my cat. She may, and does, puss up to any guy she meets, as long as she comes home to me at night.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Aug 02, 2007 10:31 PM GMT
    I let my Faith come and go as she pleases - cause I know the bitch'll come crawling back for more.




    Especially when I shake my bag at her.

















    ....Bag of food, that is.
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    Aug 02, 2007 10:49 PM GMT
    Oh God, the first three posts made me laugh so hard I almost fell over. Yay for allergies. *is still light headed*
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    Aug 02, 2007 11:33 PM GMT
    While this seems funny now, initially, it wasn't a joke. My cat went outside and started yowling up at the guy in the balcony two stories up, who of course, talked nicely to her. Instead of thinking "Oooh, cute kitty has a new friend," I found myself thinking, to my surprise, "WTF cat--you don't yowl like that for me!"

    It occurred to me that accusations that I have a tendency to be possessive might have some basis in reality. I'm looking into that. And the cat is never going outside again!

    (Not really. I'm a pushover.)
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    Aug 03, 2007 1:29 AM GMT


    I think your cat is IN NEED. ;-)~~~
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    Aug 03, 2007 1:54 AM GMT
    One of my editors had a cat that continually ran away from his deluxe weekend home in Nyack. He'd always turn up at the maid's mobile home down the road. Finally, my editor decided if the ungrateful cat preferred life in a trailer park, he could just stay there.
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    Aug 03, 2007 3:18 AM GMT
    Well im glad my cat hates everyone

    she only allows me and a few other people to even touch her

    so im sure she'll never cheat on me
  • SkyMiles

    Posts: 963

    Aug 03, 2007 3:22 AM GMT
    Can a gay guy BE pussy-whipped??? ^^,
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    Aug 03, 2007 3:46 AM GMT
    Umm, obviously Colbert_Nation you have never had a cat and been a her/his beck and call.

    My cats a people whore, and will prostitute herself out indoscriminately without being asked -- perferably to perch herself on your chest purring loudly. She has also terrorized more than one cat hater. And if all else fails there is the dog, don't get me wrong she likes the dog, but he is last resort, but if the humans are ignoring her she'll go flop down in front of him -- the little slut!
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    Aug 03, 2007 4:00 AM GMT
    "Well im glad my cat hates everyone
    she only allows me and a few other people to even touch her
    so im sure she'll never cheat on me"


    Uh huh. Your cat is probably already having a mad affair with someone else but has managed to convince you she'd never do such a thing. You fool!
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    Aug 03, 2007 4:22 AM GMT
    I think I have trust issues because I had another cat that I caught cheating on me--apparently, those long afternoons were spent nibbling from a neighbor's dish a few doors down. And then the neighbor would invite her into his apartment! Did it matter to them how worried I was? Running through the night in my robe with a bag of treats saying, "Here, kitty, kitty!" until my throat was sore? I mean, how can you trust after that? I always seem to attract the same kind of cat.

    (This is a true story--and it really annoys me that someone would feed someone else's cat! I mean, why would you do that?)

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    Aug 03, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    What is the name of your cat?
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    Aug 03, 2007 5:07 AM GMT
    Blanche Dubois.

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    Aug 03, 2007 5:13 AM GMT
    Well that explains it!
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    Aug 03, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    Yes, I think I may have set her up with that one. And, boy, does she know how to depend on the kindness of strangers.
  • red_series

    Posts: 136

    Aug 03, 2007 4:24 PM GMT
    best post EVER!!