Have I been played?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    RESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE

    I started dating this guy and everything seemed to be going good until I told him I had just came out to my daughter. He panicked and said" you didn't tell her about me did you" ...no I did not, with agreement from my ex it was time to tell her. 3 days after telling him , we went out and he proceeded to tell me that I came out too fast, and I did not understand that being a gay man is mostly about sex...then tells me he doesnt want to give me a commitment because he might cheat on me because "the flesh is weak" .

    Im religious so this was after I had told him that I do not share my body with anyone unless they are pretty sure they are giving me a LT commitment. It was also AFTER we had been intimate twice.

    What the hell just happened besides me being and idiot?

    Should older gay men just except that they are not going to meet someone 10+ years younger and give up?
  • wpc56

    Posts: 45

    Apr 03, 2012 5:52 AM GMT
    If you choose to go with someone 10 years younger than you, you do need to expect certain amount of immaturity.

    From your post, I think your ex simply was not ready to come out and went into full paranoid mode and imposed his insecurity on you.

    Its healthier to just move on and focus on the next relationship icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 03, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    No, that little dude was just schizo. Don't take it personally.
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    Apr 03, 2012 12:06 PM GMT
    ethnic3 said


    Should older gay men just except that they are not going to meet someone 10+ years younger and give up?



    Ah... I see what you did here. You buried the lead, and answered your own question at the same time.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 03, 2012 12:07 PM GMT
    Well certainly I disagree with his comments. You come out in a way that is comfortable for you. If he has a problem with it... he should vanish.

    In the future, just be a little reserved with sex until you are confident that
    the guy is who you think, what you think and yes, there are many good men out there for you.
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    Apr 03, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    Chicollege89 saidNo, that little dude was just schizo. Don't take it personally.
    ^^ This.
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    Apr 03, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidHe was freaked out that you have no head.
    ^^ This (was quite funny).
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    Sounds like you and your lover were operating under different assumptions. Moreover, you appear to have very divirgent views on relationships. Relationships in which the people involved do not agree on critical, relationship-affecting issues are generally doomed from the start. Move on and try to find someone that shares your views and values.
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE He panicked and said" you didn't tell her about me did you"


    Red flag - strike 1

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE...he proceeded to tell me that I came out too fast, and I did not understand that being a gay man is mostly about sex...


    Red flag - strike 2

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREthen tells me he doesnt want to give me a commitment because he might cheat on me because "the flesh is weak" .


    Red flag - and he's out
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 03, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    ethnic3 said

    I started dating this guy and everything seemed to be going good . . .
    Should older gay men just except that they are not going to meet someone 10+ years younger and give up?

    It's not the age -so you're 41 and he';s 31? You should expect that most guys in their 30's are relatively mature - this one isn't. Played? I don't know - dating him for a week or 6 months? You obviously didn't know him very well. Give up?? And have 40 years of celibacy? Join a monastery, perhaps? There are millions of guys out there - time to look for another one.
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    Apr 03, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    ethnic3 said
    Tenebrism said
    JPtheBITCH saidHe was freaked out that you have no head.
    ^^ This (was quite funny).
    Glad you have never been in my shoes and that is the best you could come up with .
    Who told you I haven't been in your shoes? And who, outside of you, called you a freak?

    He didn't play you in my opinion - he just couldn't deal with the courage you've shown in living true to yourself. That's hard, especially when you're used to living in denial for a long period of time and trying to live according to a soul-killing religious code.

    And believe me when I say that's something I know a lot about.

    Thank you for the reminder that sometimes a comment meant purely in jest can be hurtful depending upon what the other person is experiencing and feeling. For that I do apologize. Please know there was no harm intended.

    Keep pushing ahead.
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    Apr 03, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    TucsonGuy13 said
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE He panicked and said" you didn't tell her about me did you"


    Red flag - strike 1

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE...he proceeded to tell me that I came out too fast, and I did not understand that being a gay man is mostly about sex...


    Red flag - strike 2

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREthen tells me he doesnt want to give me a commitment because he might cheat on me because "the flesh is weak" .


    Red flag - and he's out


    These right are examples of why your ex is a douche. Not sure you should even call him an ex. Doesn't sound like he made it to boyfriend status to me. Better off without him.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 04, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    ethnic3 saidBi all my life. In the closet for close to 40 years . . . . . Yes I was celibate from men for 40 years (but is that accurate because of pre-puberty)?

    Your profile says you are 41. How could you have been in the closet for 40 years? - You knew you liked sex with men at age 12 months? ?
    So are you really 58? 56? 54?
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    ethnic3 said
    JPtheBITCH said
    ethnic3 saidThanks for the apology. The love/hate of electronic media.... as you're not always able to tell what the person is trying to convey. I see some things that other guys have replied to in forums and I can see why a great deal of society thinks that gay men are going to hell. There are some real pricks out there. This will be my first and last forum post. Before I came out I never realized how disgustingly heartless some gay men treat each other. Not saying this was you Tene, just commenting on the forums in general. I watched gay bashing bring a friend of mine to the point of suicide, but I never imagined gay men would do it to each other.................watch out here they come.......getting ready to start calling me names.......oh how tough they get when they hide behind a keyboard ......

    No wonder you were in the closet for all those years.
    A little joshing on a website and we're "disgustingly heartless"?
    You, sir, are a pussy. And that's why you were in the closet.
    Sorry, my sympathy tap just ran dry with that victim game you're playing.



    You obviously just proved who the pussy is. Enjoy the devils company


    Ethnic, really?? You just complained about how gay men treat EACH OTHER and look at what you're doing. Might as well join the devils company too, eh?
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    Eh, my last boyfriend was 44 except for the roles were reversed. He wanted the open relationship, as I TRIED to pursue a monogamous relationship. Age isn't the only factor.


    As for you being played, I think you played yourself by jumping into intimate situations before you knew what his intentions were.
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    Apr 05, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    Its really about your maturity level! The age difference only means your life together is that much more interesting and filled with NEW life experiences TOGETHER. Experience that you can show him and vice versa. Both have to have open minds. Cutting someone out just because of age is pretty disgusting. Str8 guys date younger all the time. It can and has worked in the gay world. Have fun and enjoy your life. Stop thinking about why things wont work, and experience something that could be filled with fun and lots of energy. This does not include OLD, JADED, BITTER, GAYS!! Nothing will ever be good for them. They have an age, body type, career, race, height, weight, lifestyle, hairy, not hairy, eye color,personality type,out or not out, etc checklist that is miles long. They will be alone for a loooooooong time. Guys enjoy your life, stop with your checklist. Its something I did when I was 18 years old when someone had to be the "perfect" guy. Why are you doing it in your late 30's, 40's and 50's??? What shocks me the most are men who lived through the years of harsh gay discrimination, are the most judging and critical of anyone else. I find this a bit sad. I guess it all depends on where you live. Which is why I am proud to have moved from the Midwest to NYC. This city is filled with open minds and so many steps ahead of other places. I feel sorry for any young gay growing up in our conservative states. Especially when being surrounded by bitter/jaded, conservative gays, doing nothing for our community but sit back with their checklist and judge. Have fun with your life. A checklist of ANY sort only limits yourself. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    texas11 saidEh, my last boyfriend was 44 except for the roles were reversed. He wanted the open relationship, as I TRIED to pursue a monogamous relationship. Age isn't the only factor.


    As for you being played, I think you played yourself by jumping into intimate situations before you knew what his intentions were.


    ur exactly right and do I feel like shit for making such a stupid ass mistake. I told him no sex w/o commitment. He agreed.. we were intimate. He said I was a 9 out of 10, but being gay is all about sex with all kinds of different men. Thats what I get for trusting. icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Yes, yes, you have been played.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidYes, yes, you have been played.
    why does he keep contacting me? Told him if he doesnt want a commitment to go away but he won't. I'm you're first therapy client, think this out.........lol.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete saidYes, yes, you have been played.
    why does he keep contacting me? Told him if he doesnt want a commitment to go away but he won't. I'm you're first therapy client, think this out.........lol.


    Oh, you left that part out of the original story. You made it seem like he dumped you in your first post, now you're saying he's still contacting you.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete saidYes, yes, you have been played.
    why does he keep contacting me? Told him if he doesnt want a commitment to go away but he won't. I'm you're first therapy client, think this out.........lol.


    Oh, you left that part out of the original story. You made it seem like he dumped you in your first post, now you're saying he's still contacting you.
    he contacted me since that post.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    Built_Tough saidIts really about your maturity level! The age difference only means your life together is that much more interesting and filled with NEW life experiences TOGETHER. Experience that you can show him and vice versa. Both have to have open minds. Cutting someone out just because of age is pretty disgusting. Str8 guys date younger all the time. It can and has worked in the gay world. Have fun and enjoy your life. Stop thinking about why things wont work, and experience something that could be filled with fun and lots of energy. This does not include OLD, JADED, BITTER, GAYS!! Nothing will ever be good for them. They have an age, body type, career, race, height, weight, lifestyle, hairy, not hairy, eye color,personality type,out or not out, etc checklist that is miles long. They will be alone for a loooooooong time. Guys enjoy your life, stop with your checklist. Its something I did when I was 18 years old when someone had to be the "perfect" guy. Why are you doing it in your late 30's, 40's and 50's??? What shocks me the most are men who lived through the years of harsh gay discrimination, are the most judging and critical of anyone else. I find this a bit sad. I guess it all depends on where you live. Which is why I am proud to have moved from the Midwest to NYC. This city is filled with open minds and so many steps ahead of other places. I feel sorry for any young gay growing up in our conservative states. Especially when being surrounded by bitter/jaded, conservative gays, doing nothing for our community but sit back with their checklist and judge. Have fun with your life. A checklist of ANY sort only limits yourself. icon_biggrin.gif


    What did I miss here built tough? ....Im being judgemental because regardless of age I dont agree with guys being sluts and ho's ????
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete said
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete saidYes, yes, you have been played.
    why does he keep contacting me? Told him if he doesnt want a commitment to go away but he won't. I'm you're first therapy client, think this out.........lol.


    Oh, you left that part out of the original story. You made it seem like he dumped you in your first post, now you're saying he's still contacting you.
    he contacted me since that post.


    What did he say?
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    Apr 08, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete said
    ethnic3 said
    TroyAthlete saidYes, yes, you have been played.
    why does he keep contacting me? Told him if he doesnt want a commitment to go away but he won't. I'm you're first therapy client, think this out.........lol.


    Oh, you left that part out of the original story. You made it seem like he dumped you in your first post, now you're saying he's still contacting you.
    he contacted me since that post.


    What did he say?


    basically he does not want a commitment while he "works on himself" but he doesnt want me to go away either....you know... "cake and eat it too". Wait for me and when I get tired of doing everyone else I will come back.
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Apr 13, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell certainly I disagree with his comments. You come out in a way that is comfortable for you. If he has a problem with it... he should vanish.

    In the future, just be a little reserved with sex until you are confident that
    the guy is who you think, what you think and yes, there are many good men out there for you.



    this is very true... keep in mind some guys just want sex and if you have a child keep in mind that your actions can affect your kid's future. I have two kids and to this day they still do not know i am gay or see me when i am out on a date. I have not been blessed with a ltr so i will not introduce these guys that just come and go out of my life.. i also do not have sex until i know for a fact there could be something...