"Straight guys" vs straight guys

  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 03, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    Ok guys hear me out on this one.

    One of my good friends from back west recently came out to me after I moved away. It has totally thrown me for a loop because while I was living in Cali we became good friends and I had no idea he was gay. He was married and talked about his wife all the time and I assumed I had a really good friendship with a straight guy.

    Flash forward, I move back east for family and work and randomly get a text from him that he's divorced his wife and is now in a gay relationship. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It hurt actually, cried a bit about it because I thought we had a level of friendship that he could be open and honest with me. Who know's I might have actually had feelings for him.

    Now here I am again and I've "fallen" for a straight guy. He's married, talks about his wife often but I seriously enjoy spending time with him. We're both having relationship problems and we discuss them often and while I think he's 100% straight I can't get over what has happened to me in the past is going to happen again. I'm moving away in 6 weeks and I may never see this person again. I will be crushed if I move away and get another text saying this person is divorced and now gay. I don't know how to deal with these emotions. Should I talk to my new "straight" guy about this or should I just try to separate from him because frankly sometimes it's painful to be around him.

    I'm in a long term relationship which is on it's outs and I didn't expect to fall for another straight guy. I can see us being good friends but I don't know. He just makes me feel special in a way my bf doesn't (again we're having issues so I don't know where exactly this is coming from).

    Anyone ever been in a situation like this.

    Sorry for the rant. I guess the whole straight guy and "straight guy" thing has just left me questioning all my previous male friends. I'm confused. Help me out. LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    If he's fallen for you the way you've fallen for him, that text will be inviting you over - not saying he's in a relationship with someone else.
  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 03, 2012 1:13 PM GMT
    Eh he invites me all the time to spend time with him. Some of my friends think he might be confused about his feelings and not ready. I guess I need to take a step back.
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    Apr 03, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    You move away in 6 weeks, right?

    My two cents - If you can spend time together with him as a friend and just enjoy one another's company then there is nothing wrong with that. However, if there is question about his sexuality and a possible fling that may occur, I would stay away for a couple of reasons. 1) He's married, so have some respect towards that relationship. 2) If you're moving away in 6 weeks, then it would just make things a little more difficult/harder when you move.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    Yes, I have and it really does suck.
    I at least I got some closure.
    Basically, I just wasn't his type, but seeing how out and happy I was gave him the strength to come out and be happy himself. He couldn't talk about it before, because he knew how much I liked him and he didn't want to hurt me, plus it confused him more.
    It has put me off any bro-mantic relationships.
  • chi_rock

    Posts: 207

    Apr 04, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Watch out for your own emotions in these situations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    Reading just the lines in your post that speak to your emotion here is what you have written:

    It hit me like a ton of bricks.
    It hurt actually, cried a bit about it
    I might have actually had feelings for him.
    Now here I am again and I've "fallen" for a straight guy.
    I seriously enjoy spending time with him.
    I can't get over what has happened to me in the past is going to happen again.
    I will be crushed if I move away and get another text saying this person is divorced and now gay.
    I don't know how to deal with these emotions.
    ...frankly sometimes it's painful to be around him.
    He just makes me feel special in a way my bf doesn't (again we're having issues so I don't know where exactly this is coming from).
    I'm confused.


    This is a lot of emotion brah. You're 35 years old. Not to say we can't fall in love or get heart broken at our age, but you're attaching too much of your emotional real estate to things you can't control. Your needs aren't being met by any of this. Commiserating with some married guy who may or may not be gay, may or may not be "into you" and may or may not be good for you is just not healthy. We've all been there.

    Stop daydreaming about him.. Kill the "what if" dreams.
    Stop hanging around with him until you can control your own emotion.
  • Guycicle

    Posts: 228

    Apr 04, 2012 6:06 AM GMT
    "This is a lot of emotion brah. You're 35 years old. Not to say we can't fall in love or get heart broken at our age, but you're attaching too much of your emotional real estate to things you can't control. Your needs aren't being met by any of this. Commiserating with some married guy who may or may not be gay, may or may not be "into you" and may or may not be good for you is just not healthy. We've all been there.

    Stop daydreaming about him.. Kill the "what if" dreams.
    Stop hanging around with him until you can control your own emotion."


    Ding Ding We Have a Winner!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 04, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    Solid advice guys that I will take. I appreciate the feedback. :-)
  • thatguyny

    Posts: 28

    Apr 04, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    "straight guy" here
    move on.
    if he plays with you on the side, you'll get hurt.
    if he comes out, you'll get even more hurt.
    I'd probably tell anyone the same about me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    Forget about him. There are other guys out there, you don't need to be with him. Everything will be messy and it might be a case of 'only gay guy available so he goes with you' then after he gets comfortable with himself move on from you.

    Just tell him that he can be open with anything with you and you can kind of help him IF he's actually struggling with his gay feelings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    Why do people confuse bi married men as gay? When bi is neither straight or gay. Clearly a bisexual who has taken a wife but also like to play with the lads is not gay, as gay men never ever take a wife and breed the hetrosexual way, only straight and bi men do such things.

    But we have those that feel a need to label them gay, promoting there is something wrong with bi. But just as bi bi man with a wife and kids is not straight, if he takes a male lover he is not gay either. Fly the Bisexual pride Flag and help our half brothers feel the pride.

    RJ truly needs a bisexual topic box, for all the bisexual issues here at RJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    thatguyny said"straight guy" here
    move on.
    if he plays with you on the side, you'll get hurt.
    if he comes out, you'll get even more hurt.
    I'd probably tell anyone the same about me.


    Giggles is that not pseudo straight, as straight lads don't play with the lads in that wayicon_wink.gif
  • Coug24_wyo

    Posts: 147

    Apr 06, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    TucsonGuy13 saidYou move away in 6 weeks, right?

    My two cents - If you can spend time together with him as a friend and just enjoy one another's company then there is nothing wrong with that. However, if there is question about his sexuality and a possible fling that may occur, I would stay away for a couple of reasons. 1) He's married, so have some respect towards that relationship. 2) If you're moving away in 6 weeks, then it would just make things a little more difficult/harder when you move.


    I was going to reply but Tucson guy said it perfectly. ^^ +1 ^^
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 07, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    I honestly sometimes wonder if straight guys even exist, and if all men aren't just fiending for cock at some level or another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    TucsonGuy13 saidYou move away in 6 weeks, right?

    My two cents - If you can spend time together with him as a friend and just enjoy one another's company then there is nothing wrong with that. However, if there is question about his sexuality and a possible fling that may occur, I would stay away for a couple of reasons. 1) He's married, so have some respect towards that relationship. 2) If you're moving away in 6 weeks, then it would just make things a little more difficult/harder when you move.


    Best advice , well said icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    Trepeat saidI honestly sometimes wonder if straight guys even exist, and if all men aren't just fiending for cock at some level or another.


    I think we should train the gays ones to learn how to do oral and accept the fact they should bottom once in a while , then work on the "straight" dudes . My experience the "straight" guys seem to be more gay than the gay guys.
    Gay guys can be like Ewwww penis sometimes , when straight guys are more like that shit is gross and 10 mins later they are deepthroating the hell out your dick lol.
    So my opinion lets fix the gay ones first.
    Then again I do like the horny straight ones more icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    KCBjr1979 said
    Trepeat saidI honestly sometimes wonder if straight guys even exist, and if all men aren't just fiending for cock at some level or another.


    I think we should train the gays ones to learn how to do oral and accept the fact they should bottom once in a while , then work on the "straight" dudes . My experience the "straight" guys seem to be more gay than the gay guys.
    Gay guys can be like Ewwww penis sometimes , when straight guys are more like that shit is gross and 10 mins later they are deepthroating the hell out your dick lol.
    So my opinion lets fix the gay ones first.
    Then again I do like the horny straight ones more icon_smile.gif
    I used to do the same thing once... sigh* If only I had a partner in crime... icon_cool.gif
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Apr 13, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Tough situation. I really don't know what to tell you. I have several pretty good straight friends, some of which have already proven to be at least bicurious. With most of them it's easy to maintain a distanced friendship but I have one that is just a close person: very emotional, sensitive, and compassionate with everyone (girls, guys, etc.). I find that to be the toughest friendship because I always feel like reciprocating those feelings would cause we to get too drawn in and fuck up the friendship. So instead I'm more of an ass to him to keep a good amount of distance between us. Kind of sucks and I'm not sure how to work it myself.

    So I guess the short answer was good luck icon_smile.gif

  • Alexhillo

    Posts: 5

    Apr 13, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    COLORED TEXT GOES HERERESIZED TEXT GOES HEREOk, let me tell you something, he probably like your company very much, but keep in your mind that what happen to you last time frustrated you very much and hurt you, we make mistakes one time, repeat them is suffer again, if he is gay, is only up to him get out of the closet not you, or anyone else, but since he has a wife i would rather better to leave and try with somebody else, don't waist your time with somebody who doesn't know what he wants or don't dare to face his own reality, unfortunatelly we are more in numbers, but a lot of them don't get out of the closet and prefer live their fake life making other happy but not themselves, so keep always in your mind the guy you want , you have to be the number one for that one, and don't make any line after nobody woman or guy, i tell you this as a bad real experience i had and after 8 years i thank god got out of those feelings for the worng guy, so i am ready to start a new relationship without chains
  • Alexhillo

    Posts: 5

    Apr 13, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    Coug24_wyo said
    TucsonGuy13 saidYou move away in 6 weeks, right?

    My two cents - If you can spend time together with him as a friend and just enjoy one another's company then there is nothing wrong with that. However, if there is question about his sexuality and a possible fling that may occur, I would stay away for a couple of reasons. 1) He's married, so have some respect towards that relationship. 2) If you're moving away in 6 weeks, then it would just make things a little more difficult/harder when you move.


    I was going to reply but Tucson guy said it perfectly. ^^ +1 ^^
    this guy is totally right