Time Away...

  • mtnjock

    Posts: 104

    Jul 14, 2008 12:52 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. We both know we love one another and are in love with one another. This past week we took out first long vacation together (7 days in California). During the trip we had our fist major argument. The next day we apologized to one another and made up. When we returned home, he mentioned we might need to spend some time away from one another. I understand and respect this, but my question is this: how long do I give him and sould I call him or wait for him to call me. I want to see him NOW but want to respect his needs. Any advice would be really appreciated guys. Thanks.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jul 14, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    Tough call. I guess because he was the one that requested this 'time out' he would be the one to make the decision on when it's time to talk. Sucks, I know, you're respecting his needs and hopefully he'll do the same and not stretch this out.
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    Jul 14, 2008 2:02 AM GMT
    Call or don't call, but give him all the time he needs. You don't really know someone until you give them freedom of choice and see what they will choose.
  • mtnjock

    Posts: 104

    Jul 14, 2008 3:05 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys- I really appreciate it. Just knowing that I can come to this site and get some serious replies helps. I love this guy and will respect his needs just so I don't push him away. Hopefully he'll understand how much he loves me and won't make this last long. Again, thanks.
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    Jul 14, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    I don't know....before I'd give him time, I'd try to find out why he wants time. I mean , you're going to have arguments no matter how much you love each other. You'd individuals still even though you have a relationship and you're not always going to agree on things and you're gonna get on each others nerves from time to time. One argument shouldn't send someone running to be alone and rethink the relationship....unless is was a whale of an argument and about something that is a major deal breaker for him. COMMUNICATE!!!!!
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    Jul 14, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    You need to get Timberoo in on this. He will know the answer.

    TIMBER!
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    Jul 14, 2008 3:23 AM GMT
    Agreed. Step to the plate Dr.Tim
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 14, 2008 9:55 AM GMT
    I think time away isn't a bad thing, but I think communication is important, too. Just because you're not physically together doesn't mean you can't check in on each other and see how you are doing. I'd just want to be sure his 'time away' doesn't really mean 'I want to break up but don't know how'.

    I'd call or text within a week, just to check in and say hello, if I didn't hear from him. Otherwise, it could seem like you don't care.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 14, 2008 10:41 AM GMT
    I don't know Tim...
    Usually a time out means no contact whatsoever
    Esp if one of the concerns maybe that one person wasn't giving the other the needed amt of space

    But agreed that the one who called for the time alone will determine the amt of time
    If you do call him
    Don't get riled that he may not want to speak to you
    or that he speaks to you reluctantly
    because in a way you are breaking a promise that you made
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    Jul 14, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    I think you should take steps to protect yourself and prepare for the possibility that the relationship is over. If he's taking time away from you, he's rethinking the relationship. He's also being unfair to you by cutting off contact. Many guys have difficulty handling emotions and will run away when things get difficult or heavy. This could be a pattern for him. I have taken a day or two away from my boyfriend when I've needed space or when I've been pissed off about something, but never more than two days.

    Remember, this could be an indication of how he deals with emotional problems. What would happen if you lost your job, had a family member die, or generally needed emotional support from him? Has he been there when you needed him? Has he ever complained about anything in the relationship? His silence may be a total surprise to you, but he could have been stewing about a lot of things over the 7 months and didn't tell you. It's really hard to say without knowing the details, however.

    I hope things work out.
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    Jul 14, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    Hmmm, the six month mark, a time when many gay relationships meet their first real test. I would personally not let it go too long, certainly no more than a week.

    It is interesting that you state that you are in love with each other, but at the same time he wants a break. It sounds like he has trouble dealing with conflict (I can relate to that, WASP upbringing and all). Hopefully he will realize that taking a break is not in the long run the best way to cope with disagreements in a relationship. Honest respectful communication when things are not going well is a very useful skill to acquire in a relationship.
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    Jul 14, 2008 1:57 PM GMT
    Did you not agree on a Time Away Limit?

    If not it does not sound too good to me!

    I suggest you call him after a week and see how he is doing and take it from there at least you will know one way or the other and I hope all works well with you both.

    Also was the arguement a big deal thats the crux of the problem so sort it out!

    Good Luck.
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    Jul 14, 2008 2:23 PM GMT
    "Time OUt" is a cop-out.
    Relationship must be shared and that means the good and the bad. You will never have a quality relationship without experience. He may be looking for an ideal relationship...and that is frankly B.S.. Aint going to happen, and the ideal never has.
    Call him on it and let him deal with the reality, but if reality is not his cup of tea...good bye. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 22, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    So.....what happened? did things work out?
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    Jul 22, 2008 1:54 PM GMT
    you had your 'fist' major argument and he wants time away? jesus christ, how old is he? is this really what you want in your life? the first sign of trouble and he wants to run?

    good luck buddy
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    Jul 22, 2008 2:01 PM GMT
    Shortnsexystud saidI don't know....before I'd give him time, I'd try to find out why he wants time. I mean , you're going to have arguments no matter how much you love each other. You'd individuals still even though you have a relationship and you're not always going to agree on things and you're gonna get on each others nerves from time to time. One argument shouldn't send someone running to be alone and rethink the relationship....unless is was a whale of an argument and about something that is a major deal breaker for him. COMMUNICATE!!!!!


    I'm with Shortnsexystud on this one.

    But, if you feel the need to give him some space, well...just call him whenever you want. You need to do what's best for you and what feels right for you. Take the time YOU need...not what HE needs.