Could my uncle.. really be gay?

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    Apr 04, 2012 7:24 AM GMT
    About three weeks ago I was back home for Spring Break and to end off the week my family decided to get together. That's when my "gaydar" went off when I talked to my uncle. For whatever reason I just saw him a little differently this time around. He's always been very cool with me and has increasingly become closer to me since I went to college. He isn't married (over ever been in a relationship as far as I know), he's a very successful guy, and words can't describe how nice of a person he is. One weird thing about him, though, is that he does disappear from time to time and it's hard to get ahold of him, but I know he's a busy guy. The thought of him being gay has never crossed my mind, partly because I wasn't even trying to think about being gay myself until the end of last year. At this point I just laughed off the idea and didn't give it much thought.

    Fast forward to earlier this week. I was on Facebook, which I recently synced with my email account, searching to see if I didn't have anyone added already that I might know. That's when a random account belonging to a man that I've never seen/heard of before appeared on the list of people that I don't have added from my email contacts. So one by one I went through checking to see which address this account matched up to and it happens to be my uncles.

    At this point I wasn't really sure what to think or say. He's been using this email address for at least the last two years since he started communicating with me more often, so how could someone else have their profile linked with that email address? The profile has most of the things on it blocked, but some of the public things like the cover photo have been updated recently, and from what I can tell the guy actually lives here in the same state as well (which I don't think is a coincidence).

    Am I stretching things too far here, or is it safe to assume that my uncle may share this email with this man? Is it an even bigger stretch to say that he may be gay? I am not out to my very conservative Christian family, and to just approach him about this and ask could go horribly wrong if my idea isn't right. Not to mention it would pretty weird lol. So what do you guys think?
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    Apr 04, 2012 8:12 AM GMT
    The privacy settings on the account are basically blocking me from seeing anything, but I'll see what I can do in the morning when I'm not about to pass out.
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    Apr 04, 2012 8:29 AM GMT
    I don't see one legitimate reason to believe that he is gay. He may be, he may be not. Nothing really points to him being gay unless you actually see him making love to another man.

    But let's assume he is, then what? May be he is the kind who likes to keep his life extremely private. I would say live and let live. Be the supportive nephew to your uncle and may be try to build a stronger relationship.
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    Apr 04, 2012 10:55 AM GMT
    Both of my uncles were gay. One has been out of the closet since before I was, and the other never came out (though he told me in private about a year before he died).
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:33 AM GMT
    h0ck3y_david saidim an uncle and im 'mo... icon_eek.gif
    +1 several times over
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Apr 04, 2012 11:34 AM GMT
    I say just friend the random guy. If he accepts, then you can see more of the profile to understand if its really him. If that doesn't work, you could try telling your uncle that you found a facebook account linked to his email that isn't him, and see how he reacts.
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:52 AM GMT
    I think my uncle is gay too. We all live in the UK but he lives far away from us, it's a 3 hour drive away. He's got a good job and is very successful, he lives on his own and has never been married and I don't even think he has ever dated a woman that we're aware of. However, he respects my cousins and my aunty and uncle but he talks down to me and my dad and I don't get along with him because he keeps patronising me. So I just stay away from him. Infact they all patronise us.
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    Apr 04, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    I'm an uncle a few times over...

    Have a buddy that is one of 6 kids, 4 of them (including him) are gay.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 04, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    I wouldn't let your curiousity get out of control. If he knows about you and he is gay, he may come around eventually... maybe not. I wouldn't encourage you to let your curiousity get out of control and follow up on actions that compromise his own need for "current privacy".
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    Apr 04, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI wouldn't let your curiousity get out of control. If he knows about you and he is gay, he may come around eventually... maybe not. I wouldn't encourage you to let your curiousity get out of control and follow up on actions that compromise his own need for "current privacy".

    After thinking about it, I think you may be right.

    It's really funny because about two years ago I was going through many emotions trying accept the fact that I was gay, and I held it all in the best that I could from everyone. My parents would ask what was going on and so would my uncle. It was really random because at this point I never really talked to him, but it was like he really wanted to reach out to me. And now that I look back, maybe he could have saw himself in me and wanted to help?

    Still, besides knowing, this wouldn't change anything between us and I probably wouldn't even approach him about it, so maybe I should just let it be.
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    Apr 04, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    He is really nice and he is single.. therefor he is gay.
  • bischero

    Posts: 847

    Apr 04, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    I'm an uncle too!!! None of my nieces or my nephew are gay though, however. Well... I mean they are all too young still. Whatever they end up being, gay, straight, bi, trans whatever - Uncle Derek will be there for them no matter what! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Snype said so many I should just let it be.
    Good idea. Even if he seems cool about it he might not appreciate that you sort of went prying into his business.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    The information you have is vague at best, so it's hard to really determine your uncle's sexuality at this point. Just enjoy him for being your uncle right now. Be happy for him if he is gay and has found someone to enjoy a partnership with.

    HOWEVER, it would be interesting to just bring up to him that you saw this email pop up and it's connected to someone you've never heard of. You could approach it as, "hey, just want to make sure no one's hijacked your email or FB account". You know, approach it like a public service to your uncle. icon_wink.gif Then see what his reaction is.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    Question (and sorry if it's in the post and I missed it): are you out to your family? If you are, that's an even better reason to keep quiet about it with your uncle - let him come to you if he wants.

    If you are not out and you are comfortable with casually mentioning your sexuality to him, that could be an entree into a deeper conversation.
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidHOWEVER, it would be interesting to just bring up to him that you saw this email pop up and it's connected to someone you've never heard of. You could approach it as, "hey, just want to make sure no one's hijacked your email or FB account". You know, approach it like a public service to your uncle. icon_wink.gif Then see what his reaction is.

    It would be haha.. but after rereading the things that I said and listening to these comments I do feel like it's best to just leave it alone. I know a lot of this is just me believing what I want to, but it's hard not to. I have a huge family and there is not a single out person, and it would feel great to have someone that I felt safe talking to.

    Tenebrism saidQuestion (and sorry if it's in the post and I missed it): are you out to your family? If you are, that's an even better reason to keep quiet about it with your uncle - let him come to you if he wants.

    If you are not out and you are comfortable with casually mentioning your sexuality to him, that could be an entree into a deeper conversation.

    No, I'm not. My parents have clearly expressed their views on homosexuality and it would not be wise for me to tell them while I'm still in school.
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    Apr 04, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    Here's the best advise you will ever get in life: MYOB: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

    If your uncle wants you to know he is gay he will tell you. If you want to tell him you are gay in the hopes he will come out to you, go ahead and tell him but don't ask if he is. If he wants you to know he will tell you.

    Another piece of good advice that will serve you well in life: RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S PRIVACY!
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    Apr 04, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    I have a gay uncle that apparently no one knew despite him being in the st Louis ballet, worked at a department store cosmetic counter, wore French cut bathing suits and was successful and still had a male roommate in his late 30s . It was always obvious to me but the rest of my fundamentalist evangelical family didn't even have a clue...

    Oh and I have a lesbian sister who I think everyone knew about. It's hard to hide a dyke.
  • sloughwest

    Posts: 210

    Apr 04, 2012 8:08 PM GMT
    I just want to know now... like an Agatha Christie thriller...

    Feel free to send me his fb account name icon_smile.gif
    lol
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    Apr 04, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidHere's the best advise you will ever get in life: MYOB: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

    If your uncle wants you to know he is gay he will tell you. If you want to tell him you are gay in the hopes he will come out to you, go ahead and tell him but don't ask if he is. If he wants you to know he will tell you.

    Another piece of good advice that will serve you well in life: RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S PRIVACY!
    How about this:

    BE HONEST! You aint 91.icon_wink.gif
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Apr 04, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    I think it's always great to have a gay uncle. I find it hard to believe that none of my uncles are gay considering my dad has 16 brothers and sisters, 10 being brothers. I know that one of them is most likely living a closeted lifestyle.

    But in my imediate family, I'm the gay uncle and it definitely makes me feel pretty special.