Why Dont Guys Ever Approach Me When I Go Out To Clubs?

  • luckyboi1223

    Posts: 3

    Apr 04, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Hey everyone!!!! im a 22 year old guy that is fairly new to the gay scene. In the beginning i wasnt really comfortable with my sexuality but i have grown and i am now more comfortable with it now. I go to gay clubs now, have more gay friends, and I want a boyfriend and to talk to guys but there is one problem. When I go to the club guys really dont try to talk to me and I really dont see them paying me any attention. I am African American/ German/ Irish/ and Italian. Does the fact that Im half African American play a role? Is it my look? I will upload photos. Please give me your opinions guys.

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    Apr 04, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    How bout you just stop worrying about guys approaching you. Trust me the guys in the clubs have their ways of showing you they are interested. If you send them the wrong message well then they will not even approach you. Also depends on the type of guys you attract and and the guys you are attracted to. No need to be picky because the guy you find attractive may not feel the same and the guy you do not find attractive may be attracted to you. Do not sweat it.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    luckyboi1223 saidHey everyone!!!! im a 22 year old guy that is fairly new to the gay scene. In the beginning i wasnt really comfortable with my sexuality but i have grown and i am now more comfortable with it now. I go to gay clubs now, have more gay friends, and I want a boyfriend and to talk to guys but there is one problem. When I go to the club guys really dont try to talk to me and I really dont see them paying me any attention. I am African American/ German/ Irish/ and Italian. Does the fact that Im half African American play a role? Is it my look? I will upload photos. Please give me your opinions guys.




    Whatever you look like: young, old or middle-age, fat, muscular or skinny, black, white or brown, etc. etc. etc.People will either find you hot or gross. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to please everybody. Especially about things you can't change like your race. Even with things you can change, like becoming more muscular, it's still an exercise in futility. You will find guys who think you're gross because you're too muscular and they prefer slim guys. Or you will get guys approaching you simply because you're muscular. They only care about your muscles. Not about you. You won't get what it sounds like you really want by giving into the superficiality that's rampant in the gay male community. Just accept and be yourself. Then, if you attract a guy, it's because he's attracted to the real you and not somebody you're trying to be to please everybody. You'll go crazy worrying about everybody else.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    No idea but you have absolutely gorgeous eyes man. You'd certainly catch my attention. Perhaps they are intimidated by you and yes unfortunately some narrow minded idiots won't be attracted to you because of skin color/body type etc but your better off not knowing them anyway.

    Perhaps you should be the one to initiate. You don't get much in this life without asking for it.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    Sometimes you gotta be the go-getter, get on the dance floor and well dance. If youv see a guy you like then start then get on his line of sight. If he sees you and shows interest then talk to him or something lol don't just stand there waiting.
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    Apr 04, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    luckyboi1223 saidHey everyone!!!! im a 22 year old guy that is fairly new to the gay scene. In the beginning i wasnt really comfortable with my sexuality but i have grown and i am now more comfortable with it now. I go to gay clubs now, have more gay friends, and I want a boyfriend and to talk to guys but there is one problem. When I go to the club guys really dont try to talk to me and I really dont see them paying me any attention. I am African American/ German/ Irish/ and Italian. Does the fact that Im half African American play a role? Is it my look? I will upload photos. Please give me your opinions guys.



    Don't start thinking like a victim and blaming your race before the fact. Someone may reject you on those grounds, but don't assume until it happens and you have proof -- that's no way to enter a room. Also, don't get hung up on it. Be confident, it's attractive. Are "guys" not approaching you, or are the guys approaching you not the ones you want approaching you? You have to be what you want to attract. Also, are you approaching guys? If you're not confident enough to approach others, nobody's going to approach you.

    You're young, you'll be fine.
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    Could be worse!

    http://youtu.be/X6qbYQzQexQ

    (Hang in there, it will get better/easier ...) icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    Gay men in LA are very clickish and penetrating someone's group (pun intended) can be difficult. I bet that they are the same in Chicago. The bar scene is very different in my opinion in how people socialize. Most people might look around, but mostly just stay within their inner circle.

    I say just be friendly and take the initiative. You'll probably be surprised how far you will get by being just a little more aggressive. Most people want you to come to them.

    And don't make it about race. It isn't. Nobody cares.
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Apr 04, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    Do you go out with a group of guys? I'd try going with a smaller group, or maybe a hole in the wall gay bar. If I'm really in the mood to meet someone new, I just go out alone and force myself to make friends with strangers. With any luck, a sexy one will be friendly back
  • fitnessguy0

    Posts: 5

    Apr 04, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    of course someone's look and its dress up...no one cares ur inside in the clubs..so just go to make up good a little bit icon_smile.gif
  • u54imc9

    Posts: 22

    Apr 04, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    Hate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion
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    Apr 04, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    I don't think clubs are exactly the best place to start socializing. Most people are probably drunk and the loud music doesn't make it exactly any easier. Try going outside for a moment and then I think you have a better chance to start a conversation with anyone.

    I did this last week and some guy started talking to me while I was sitting on the stairs. I was completely wasted however, so I didn't really say a lot. I do remember trying to get up and spilling all my beer over his pants... It was pretty embarrassing really icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    Truppensturm saidI don't think clubs are exactly the best place to start socializing. Most people are probably drunk and the loud music doesn't make it exactly any easier. Try going outside for a moment and then I think you have a better chance to start a conversation with anyone.
    >


    Totally agree. I've had most guys hit on me when I've been outside a club/bar smoking (obviously no smoking required lol). You can actually have a conversation with someone then.
  • luckyboi1223

    Posts: 3

    Apr 04, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    u54imc9 saidHate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion


    Umm thanks for your opinion but I don't care if you find me attractive or not sorry. My question is how do you look since you dot have a visible picture, and my picture of me dressed as a nerd was a Halloween party so don't speak of things you have no clue about.
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    Apr 04, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    The purpose of bars and clubs is objectification... you break people down to their body and very little of their personality shows. Add some loud music and you get very little chance to talk. Add alcohol and you just get some sex with your sex object. Its the WORST place to find a boyfriend (other than PTSD therapy group).

    If you want a hook-up, then go there with some confidence and be aggressive. You'll get someone.

    If you want a boyfriend you gotta do a little more than that lol.
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    Apr 04, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    Well do your friends all get approached more than you? Is it about the same as for you for most of them? You might have one or two friends that get hit on constantly and you notice that because you want acknowledgement. But if almost all your friends get ignored as much as you then it's other people and nothing wrong with you.

    I don't get approached in bars by guys (that don't already know me) and I'm really white so I don't think it's a race thing.
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    Apr 04, 2012 10:08 PM GMT
    u54imc9 saidHate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion


    Fuckin troll... I'd bet money that the op is better looking than you... no photos? you're obviously hideous and know it otherwise you'd show us what you look like.
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    Apr 04, 2012 10:20 PM GMT
    luckyboi1223 saidHey everyone!!!! im a 22 year old guy that is fairly new to the gay scene. In the beginning i wasnt really comfortable with my sexuality but i have grown and i am now more comfortable with it now. I go to gay clubs now, have more gay friends, and I want a boyfriend and to talk to guys but there is one problem. When I go to the club guys really dont try to talk to me and I really dont see them paying me any attention. I am African American/ German/ Irish/ and Italian. Does the fact that Im half African American play a role? Is it my look? I will upload photos. Please give me your opinions guys.



    Quit viewing yourself as a victim. Approach them and stop whining.
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    Apr 04, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    u54imc9 saidHate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion


    Said the picture-less troll.
  • luckyboi1223

    Posts: 3

    Apr 04, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    u54imc9 saidHate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion


    Fuckin troll... I'd bet money that the op is better looking than you... no photos? you're obviously hideous and know it otherwise you'd show us what you look like.


    Thanks sir I appreciate you calling this creep out.
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    Apr 04, 2012 10:55 PM GMT
    From my experience, whenever I am just having fun and minding my own business, I get approach a lot. But when I'm just standing there and observing the scene, people don't approach me. It depends on how your portray yourself whether you seem approachable or not.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Apr 04, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    I'm a skinny and multi-racial. Yet that has never hindered me from attracting the guys I want. I get attention because I demand it. People find confidence sexy. There's always somebody out there for you. Learn to take charge.
  • Warmnsalty

    Posts: 60

    Apr 04, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    luckyduck just answered my problem. I'm a laid back shy guy, not outgoing etc. I don't do the bar scene much, the few times I've gone recently I've spent the night alone, very little interaction. I never thought I'd look like a stalker but maybe that's it. So I stand or sit at the bar, having a drink, people watching, guess that's not so appealing. I'm going to have to work on my meet and greet skills LOL
  • u54imc9

    Posts: 22

    Apr 05, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    u54imc9 saidHate to brake it to you op, but you are not very attractive. That would be my reason, and dressing up like a nerd when you go out doesn't help at all.. just my honest opinion


    Fuckin troll... I'd bet money that the op is better looking than you... no photos? you're obviously hideous and know it otherwise you'd show us what you look like.



    LOL you are just trying to rack up votes for MODT. You know what I say is true. You just don't want to admit it. He asked my opinion so I gave it.
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    Apr 05, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    luckyboi1223 saidHey everyone!!!! im a 22 year old guy that is fairly new to the gay scene. In the beginning i wasnt really comfortable with my sexuality but i have grown and i am now more comfortable with it now. I go to gay clubs now, have more gay friends, and I want a boyfriend and to talk to guys but there is one problem. When I go to the club guys really dont try to talk to me and I really dont see them paying me any attention. I am African American/ German/ Irish/ and Italian. Does the fact that Im half African American play a role? Is it my look? I will upload photos. Please give me your opinions guys.



    Don't really know. Maybe 'cause you drink your beverage out of a straw? Just a stab in the dark. Not really sure tho'.

    TheBizMan brought up confidence and is definitely on the mark. A confident (not cocky) man is sexy and desireable.