The Use of Gay Slurs

  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Jul 14, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    So this is sort of a branch off my other topic on being a gay coach. My question is "How do you handle the situation of those around you using gay slurs, especially in sport/gym situations?"

    I'm sure everyone here can relate to this topic and the idea really should be discussed more often. I feel like many homosexuals choose to brush casual comments like, "Oh this or that is gay" or "Dude that guy is such a fag". I know I myself have a horrible double standard in my life. As a coach, I have a zero tolerance policy for the use of those phrases in my pool. Yet when I hear people use that when I'm out playing volleyball or at the gym, I say nothing. Also, I find it incredibly prevalent in the school system. Not a day goes by when I'm subbing where a student doesn't say it. If a student was to refer to another student as "Such a nigga" he would be on the fast track to suspension and yet I know the same is not true for gay slurs.

    I try and live my life openly and I do catch people many times when they "accidentally" say "That's gay" on the volleyball court and then they look at me with this "OMG, I didn't mean it like that" look. They know I'm gay but I choose to say nothing, even at times when the person knows they're in the wrong.

    So what is it guys, what's your policy? Do you speak up to friends? family? colleagues? strangers?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    I think I would just start by pointing to the offender and saying something like, "hey, no names! no names!" And even if he protests that he wasnt calling anybody a name, I would say, "you know what I mean."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:32 AM GMT
    In my college frat I killed the whole "that's gay" thing by saying "so...it's totally AWESOME!" every time somebody said it.

    That probably wouldn't work in this situation though...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:32 AM GMT
    In my college frat I killed the whole "that's gay" thing by saying "so...it's totally AWESOME!" every time somebody said it.

    That probably wouldn't work in this situation though...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:38 AM GMT
    I myself do speak up often, not always but often when my friends or family start to use the word. its a simple, you cant find a better word?, or not appropriate. or be careful, u never know who is gay and is listening.

    i think there is a difference between fag and the n word and the reactions of people to each word because simply put, when fag is used, the majority of those offended usually say nothing or just brush it off. with the n word, blacks get outraged, will march to the school board, will sue their company, quite frankly, they will let every and anyone know that they are highly offended by the word regardless of the situation whether its a peer, boss, teacher, advisor, anyone at the moment the word is spoken. tempers will rise and someone just may get an ass whopin. that reaction is not common in the gay community when fag is used. as a result, the reaction of authority to the word is not as swift or dramatic as as it is when the n word is uttered, especially by those that are other than black.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    It dosen't bother me at all! Even I myself on the vollyball court, when a ball slip though my hands, have said "gees that was gay wasn't it.

    I have worked with youth, and I say nothing, because I know. If I gave a reaction, it then gives the word power, and they will see this as my weakness, and if they want to get at me, I'll hear it all the time. But it's not my weakness, it's like water off a ducks back. It is normal for teenagers to be homophobic.

    But str8s get terms like mother fucker. Breeders. I myself stand under the banner of fag.

    A homosexual does not have to act gay. we are able to hide our sexuality. Some do it behind their wife, and kids. others do it behind their religion, or they just don't act gay, but don't hide their sexuality. Yet a black fella is not able too hide his color. So to be a black fella, and a homosexual. You get a double whammy.

    Homosexuals complain about people making an issue about homosexuality. Yet they can also be the worst offenders. Oh do you think so, and so is gay? Brad pits gay and shit like that.

    Is the gay community so limp wrist-ed, that it needs the restraints of political correctness?

    I have no issues at all with people being homophobic. But I will not tolerate them beating up some one just coz they is a homosexual.

    If a homosexual is acting all gay. then he want attension, so he should not complain when he gets it....
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jul 14, 2008 3:51 AM GMT
    It's getting less prevalent here in .au I think...

    I don't know what I really do about it. Often I commission the Evil Eye on them if it's someone I know. I just aim to get people thinking about using the word I guess. Then again, when I hear a "that is SO gay" comment, it's usually, "OMG you're SO gay" when i've done something suitably faggy.
    so yeah, as long as it's used sparingly and they usually think about it, I don't worry too much.
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jul 14, 2008 3:54 AM GMT
    Pattison said
    If a homosexual is acting all gay. then he want attension, so he should not complain when he gets it....


    So he's asking for it?

    just makes me think of those people who say "look what she was wearing, she was asking to be raped."

    Both statements evoke feelings of contempt and disgust for the utterer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 3:57 AM GMT
    Australians are so cute...who knew they could talk in complete sentences...well, not patti so much...but the other one is doing really good....icon_eek.gif

    OMG, I crack me up ... icon_lol.gif

    cat
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 4:04 AM GMT
    I ignore it when strangers say it. When acquaintances say it I usually join in, chuckle, and keep going with it. Such as

    "That is so gay! You are right, that thing there is SOOOO gay. Like, when two guys have sex, it is just like that thing there which you described as gay. In fact, if you were to put a picture of that next to a picture of Boy George I don't think anyone could tell them apart. It is just that gay."

    Then they feel bad and stop using it.
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jul 14, 2008 4:04 AM GMT
    Caslon5000 saidAustralians are so cute...who knew they could talk in complete sentences...well, not patti so much...but the other one is doing really good....icon_eek.gif

    OMG, I crack me up ... icon_lol.gif

    cat


    Cas, I try. I really try. It doesn't always work though... particularly after some alcohol. *sighs* I realy need to actually do some work on my honours research...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI ignore it when strangers say it. When acquaintances say it I usually join in, chuckle, and keep going with it. Such as

    "That is so gay! You are right, that thing there is SOOOO gay. Like, when two guys have sex, it is just like that thing there which you described as gay. In fact, if you were to put a picture of that next to a picture of Boy George I don't think anyone could tell them apart. It is just that gay."

    Then they feel bad and stop using it.

    Good work, MZ! ... icon_lol.gif
  • Teacherguy

    Posts: 150

    Jul 14, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    i teach grade 8 so i hear it a lot....but i always address it as name calling...i also use humour to difuse teh situation as well. I also encourage other staff members to say something...many of them aren't comfortable saying something...so you gotta keep reminding them its the right thing to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 5:34 AM GMT
    I admit I turn a deaf ear to it... which I really should but I often find myself to be non-confrontational. For one, I am not good at verbal arguments but that is no excuse.

    Being, at one time, the target of high school bullying I know first-hand how it feels to be ostracized and labeled 'Gay'. Thing is, at the time I had not come to the realization that I was gay so those slurs and name-calling really rubbed me wrong. Combine that and the fact that I was fairly anti-social, you come to realize how damaging that is to one's self-image and psyche. I came to avoid anyone and everyone. Gym class was always a problem. I learned really quick to look at my gym locker while changing clothes.
    Some peers became so bold as to do it in class among other students and the instructor, whom despite hearing it all did nothing. Sometimes other students would tell them to shut up, and that gave me some solace to know that there are people that care. Many counseling sessions ended in tears and frustration coupled with shame and a sense of helplessness.

    At the gym, I haven't heard it being used. Haven't really heard it much in any sports activity really..

    Now after saying all that, I feel such a coward for not putting my foot down when I do hear it. My anger, which should be directed at the problem at hand, is redirected at myself for not rectifying the situation and silencing the name-calling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 5:48 AM GMT
    This is a good question! It's weird... As a high school track and field coach (and teacher), I don't allow students to insult each other in any way within my earshot.

    I'm out to my colleagues and some of the parents; I imagine most everyone knows because nobody EVER sees me with a significant other (because there isn't one). I can honestly say in 12 years of coaching, I've never dealt with disrespect where sexuality is concerned and I've been working in Iowa for seven of those 12 years. I've dealt with ignorant comments in the classroom. Not frequently... Sadly, I usually brush off the comments when I believe they are directed at me, which like I said isn't often. I refuse to let the offending students bait me. If the environment becomes uncomfortable for myself or any student, I do address the offender and comments immediately.

    I imagine you'll have to figure out a way to navigate this experience using your own best judgement. My advice would be to make sure all of your student-athletes feel like they are both safe and welcome on your team though. Good luck, Coach! icon_smile.gif
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Jul 14, 2008 5:51 AM GMT
    I'm like the worst person ever when it comes to this. I'm not going to lie, I sometimes say, "that's gay". When I was younger, I absolutely hated it and talked down to people for using it. And not because it was offensive, but because it sounded so stupid! It made no sense!

    Now I say it often and I even catch myself saying, "Faggot" or "Fag". I know it's bad, but I've noticed out of all my friends I'm probably the one that says it the most. I'll even say it to my straight friends when they piss me off, I'll say, "Dude, you're such a fucking faggot!" Or to anyone else or for any other reason.

    But I am working on it. I have no Idea when or why I started saying it, but I remember a time when I would say the word, "Fag" or "Faggot" it felt very uncomfortable in my mouth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 6:03 AM GMT
    MichVBPlayer28 saidSo this is sort of a branch off my other topic on being a gay coach. My question is "How do you handle the situation of those around you using gay slurs, especially in sport/gym situations?"


    When straight guys call someone else a faggot, I usually chuckle to myself and think "yeah that dude is totally a faggot." Truth is there are enough obnoxious homosexuals that give meaning to the word "faggot" for acting as such.

    Personally I can live with myself knowing that almost every word used to describe a homosexual consequently describes something negative too. It really doesn't bother me unless someone uses it while physically abusing or purposefully intimidating someone just for being gay, (i.e. hate crime).

    I like calling everyone and everything in sight I don't like a faggot just to be ironic. I also use it frequently on my straight friends as a means to macho up on them and diffuse the meaning of the word so that they feel like it's useless calling me a faggot. It's most fun using "faggot" on homophobic straight guys, especially when they know I'm gay. I also say "that's so straight" or "don't be such a fucking breeder" to counter-act as well.

    I wouldn't, however, apply my mindset to high school settings where kids are more vulnerable to self-esteem issues and take words more literally.
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    Jul 14, 2008 6:41 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI ignore it when strangers say it. When acquaintances say it I usually join in, chuckle, and keep going with it. Such as

    "That is so gay! You are right, that thing there is SOOOO gay. Like, when two guys have sex, it is just like that thing there which you described as gay. In fact, if you were to put a picture of that next to a picture of Boy George I don't think anyone could tell them apart. It is just that gay."

    Then they feel bad and stop using it.


    Good stuff, yo. Stealing that.

    If it's used on me I'll own it if my wit is quick enough. Take the word, make it inoffensive and true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 7:17 AM GMT
    ^^^icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I think next time someone says "faggot" I'm going to say to them, "Yeah that guy is a total faggot and gay. hey you wanna have butt sex?"
  • adriaan

    Posts: 27

    Jul 14, 2008 10:10 AM GMT
    Pattison said:"If a homosexual is acting all gay. then he want attension, so he should not complain when he gets it...."

    I find his statement quite disturbing.
    I am wondering if the 2 teenagers that got executed in Iran on 19 July 2005 were also looking for attention. Maybe Pattison can help me with this.

    Or the 15 year old Larry King that was shot in the head.
    Do you reckon he got what he deserved Mr.Pattison?

    Or Matthew Shepard, that died after being in a coma for 5 days in 1998, because he was so severley beaten just because he was gay.

    So Mr. Pattison, did these guys ask for it?

    Everybody has a right to be who they want to be, regrdless of their sexuality,race or religion.Everybody should be tolerated and accepted as they are.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 14, 2008 10:29 AM GMT
    I don't live in a situation where blatant homophobia is heard at all
    Part of it is just absentmindedness a lot of these boys and it is mainly young men repeating these words
    and they use the words "Gay" and "Fag" as basically the worst thing you can call someone or something
    ...for whatever reason
    This goes to show how deeply embedded homophobia is ingrained in these young men that they have to repeat it over and over amongst themselves in order to fit in with their social group
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 11:08 AM GMT
    A rewrite of a popular Chris Rock skit:

    "Essentially an eight-minute rant about behaviors that Outdoorsman sees within the gay community; he describes "faggots" as a cohort whose behavior is usually detrimental to the image of other gay people and embody many gay stereotypes. The "faggots," he said, glorify ignorance and sloth, and show excessive pride for fulfilling any minor responsibility. Outdoorsman rejects the view that this image of gays is purely cultivated by the media."
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Jul 14, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    It doesn't really bother me, in fact if I or someone else says "thats so gay," i'll add, "and not in a good homosexual way."


    But take this from the guy who, really drunk after one of my gigs, was hanging out with a bunch of friends (all straight except for one other homo) and was screaming "I hate faggots!" in the parking garage. All my friends were laughing, then a guy I didn't know came up to me and said "I know what you mean, man."

    Wow, did that guy feel pretty stupid after a minute....


    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    I'm HORRIBLE!!

    I'm notorious for using ALL of those Gay Slurs, ALL of the time!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 14, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    dcarm said
    Pattison said
    If a homosexual is acting all gay. then he want attension, so he should not complain when he gets it....


    So he's asking for it?

    just makes me think of those people who say "look what she was wearing, she was asking to be raped."

    Both statements evoke feelings of contempt and disgust for the utterer.


    No it's not the same at all. One is acting, shoving your sexuality down an other's throat. One is an open homosexual whom stands under the banner of fag! I never get abused or teased about my sexuality. But then One does not have many issues about ones sexuality, thus able to allow others to have an opinion on it.

    Any luggage you may carry about your sexuality, you must carry yourself, and you can not expect another to carry it for you! If the word poof, or thats so gay hurts you, you can not expect another not to use such terms.

    Another is a dress sense. A short skirt does not give the right to rape.

    But You don't have to act all Queenie in public, but we do need to dress.

    One has never advocated violence.

    A;so One is not still a child like yourself! One had worked for the gay community in it's darkest days in the early 1980's During this time One also campaigned for homosexuality to be decrimalised. And it to be taken off the mental health act. Both come to pass.

    What have you done for the advancement of homosexuality in your youth. I did my bit! Thus One has every right to gay issues, One wishes to have. One does not seek the approval of a child!