Fighting for someone

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    Nah not *that* kind of fighting... I sat down with a friend recently who said if you really have strong feelings for someone you should fight for him. I guess she means be persistent and sweep someone off his feet... sounds hopelessly romantic and unrealistic but it got me thinking - has a guy ever fought for you and won you over? Have you ever fought to be with someone and had him fall for you as a result?
    How did it happen? I'd kinda like to hear the stories... if there are any icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    Typical female thought process: waiting for their knight in shining armor to defeat the dragon and wisk them away to their kingdom where they reign as his lovely queen.

    I believe you can't make someone love you, but you sure as hell can make them hate you.
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    haha ya no doubt - the way she was saying it made me so confused. How does one exactly "fight" for someone? That's why I asked. She didn't seem to be able to explain it very well. I guess it just doesn't register with men the same way it does with women.
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidNah not *that* kind of fighting... I sat down with a friend recently who said if you really have strong feelings for someone you should fight for him. I guess she means be persistent and sweep someone off his feet... sounds hopelessly romantic and unrealistic but it got me thinking - has a guy ever fought for you and won you over? Have you ever fought to be with someone and had him fall for you as a result?
    How did it happen? I'd kinda like to hear the stories... if there are any icon_smile.gif


    Hell no. Gays want it easy and painless. Gay men aren't the knight in shining armor type. They are out the door in a heartbeat if I even imply they might have to work for it.
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    Guys usually fight for me on the front end. After they get what they want, they realize that the qualities they were attracted to are the very ones they are repulsed by. (I'm awfully charming right?)

    My ex-husband and I fought for each other for a while... we failed, kinda. Therapy, vacations, buying a home, finding mutually interesting hobbies... didn't work.

    One ex-boyfriend fought for me for a year and a half, he fought with his husband over me. In the end his husband fought harder than he and I did.

    A guy I dated for a month fought for me for over two years. He REALLY fought for me! So much so that I had filed four separate restraining orders, 9 police reports and was working 2 to 3times weekly with two attorneys, two investigators from the San Francisco Police Department's Domestic Violence Response Unit and a representative from the DA's office.

    He fought so hard that he broke into my apartment twice, once while I was there by forcing the door in and attacking me in my room, second time I came home to him sleeping on my couch. Then there were the times he slept on my doorstep and he frequently sent flower arrangements the size of my torso my office to the tune of every other week with cryptic messages about rape and love... because apparently they are synonymous.

    Good lord, no wonder I'm so fucked up....
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    Apr 04, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    It sounds kind of selfish to me. If anything that kind of behavior is just going to scare the person away. You also have to think about what you are asking them to do if they are married or already in a relationship.

    I say practice patience, restrain yourself and enjoy the friendship.
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Apr 05, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    This is so stupid. I'm sure she just means "fight" as a metaphor. She just means chase them. If you feel strongly about someone, give it a good shot to see if they like you back. I'm sure she doesn't mean go over the top with stalking or beating up love-rivals! Surely she just means if there's someone you like, give it a good try instead of doing nothing about it. Also this sounds like long-term crushes, not noticing someone from across the room one minute. But who knows what context she meant? We were given one sentence of a conversation (not even)!

    Also, relating to females, their thing is to observe male attention and automatically resist UNTIL the attention comes from someone they like. It's a different dynamic being female. Guys are almost in competition for the girl to let him in...and most girls have defences up with all guys at first so that the guy can prove his worth! Jeez!

    PS it's for successful evolution!
    PPS i just re-read the original post and am confused. How else do guys meet? Somebody has to chase the other, right? Even if just for a minute?
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Apr 05, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    WhoreMasterBlaster saidI think both parties have to be willing. I'm not going to be the one doing all the work. The moment a person I'm interested makes it painfully obvious that there will be no reciprocation, I drop the ball and move on.

    Maybe some guys like to be chased but that bullshit is nothing more than childish games in my opinion.


    What about guys who have "issues" eg trust issues, or shyness, or low confidence? I'm only suggesting, that some guys might not know how to make it obvious they like you, or their body language is so subdued or 'novel' that you read them wrongly?

    And yeah she said it from a totally hetero point of view but she's not going to know it's different for gays...
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Apr 05, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
    Not interested in either.
    Some people are into the idea of someone who isn't into them and romanticize the pursuit. Blech.


    If someone's not interested in me romantically then I'm not interested in them romantically. I have enough self-appreciation to, frankly, question the taste of someone who doesn't share my attraction.
    Conversely, someone being romantically interested in me isn't going to change my mind. It's sweet, but I don't love someone because they love me.



    (That said... some people aren't very in touch with their own emotions I suppose or view the world through filters too heavy to sometimes see what's around them. I can certainly imagine scenarios where some pursuit is involved, but I think of that as the exception. But I'm mostly speaking from my own perspective. Maybe for others it's different.)
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    Apr 05, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    mindblank saidThis is so stupid. I'm sure she just means "fight" as a metaphor. She just means chase them. If you feel strongly about someone, give it a good shot to see if they like you back. I'm sure she doesn't mean go over the top with stalking or beating up love-rivals! Surely she just means if there's someone you like, give it a good try instead of doing nothing about it. Also this sounds like long-term crushes, not noticing someone from across the room one minute. But who knows what context she meant? We were given one sentence of a conversation (not even)!

    Also, relating to females, their thing is to observe male attention and automatically resist UNTIL the attention comes from someone they like. It's a different dynamic being female. Guys are almost in competition for the girl to let him in...and most girls have defences up with all guys at first so that the guy can prove his worth! Jeez!

    PS it's for successful evolution!
    PPS i just re-read the original post and am confused. How else do guys meet? Somebody has to chase the other, right? Even if just for a minute?


    thank you for your interesting and angry response haha
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    Apr 05, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidTypical female thought process: waiting for their knight in shining armor to defeat the dragon and wisk them away to their kingdom where they reign as his lovely queen.

    I believe you can't make someone love you, but you sure as hell can make them hate you.


    WIN/END THREAD.
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    Apr 05, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidGuys usually fight for me on the front end. After they get what they want, they realize that the qualities they were attracted to are the very ones they are repulsed by. (I'm awfully charming right?)

    My ex-husband and I fought for each other for a while... we failed, kinda. Therapy, vacations, buying a home, finding mutually interesting hobbies... didn't work.

    One ex-boyfriend fought for me for a year and a half, he fought with his husband over me. In the end his husband fought harder than he and I did.

    A guy I dated for a month fought for me for over two years. He REALLY fought for me! So much so that I had filed four separate restraining orders, 9 police reports and was working 2 to 3times weekly with two attorneys, two investigators from the San Francisco Police Department's Domestic Violence Response Unit and a representative from the DA's office.

    He fought so hard that he broke into my apartment twice, once while I was there by forcing the door in and attacking me in my room, second time I came home to him sleeping on my couch. Then there were the times he slept on my doorstep and he frequently sent flower arrangements the size of my torso my office to the tune of every other week with cryptic messages about rape and love... because apparently they are synonymous.

    Good lord, no wonder I'm so fucked up....


    LOL I shouldn't be laughing at your post but I am... dude that sucks about the crazy ex... I wonder if he had been patient and kept some distance if things might have worked out differently for him... and you?
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Apr 05, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    If a guy cant choose between you or another person then its not worth the fight, that is if you wanna keep your dignity.
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    Apr 05, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Sometimes you do have to fight for someone. I certainly would if I felt that the situation warranted it.