Airline Humor

  • metta

    Posts: 39091

    Apr 05, 2012 7:56 PM GMT

    Travel Humor: South African Kulula Airlines!

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

    "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

    "As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

    "After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

    "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

    "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

    http://www.davidmixner.com/2012/04/travel-humor-south-african-kulula-airlines.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    Funny. Even when they've been attributed to every other airline, including Southwest Air.


    Among a long list of Flight Attendant and crew quotes, comes these heard on Southwest Airlines:
    - From a Southwest Airlines employee....Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child...pick your favorite.

    - Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.

    - Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.

    - Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."
    Source: Jeff's Jokes

    50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft..." Source: ACTC & N Air Cargo Tracking

    Who's Fault Was It?

    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!" Source: Aerospace News Website

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    Apr 06, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    After a REALLY turbulent decsent and a really hard bumpy landing in a storm, my friend next to me blurted out---"Now I know why the Pope kisses the ground when he gets off of the plane"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    This happened a couple years ago.

    Air Traffic Control (ATC) told some new pilot to make a turn to avoid another airplane. The dude was scared and didn't respond. A few seconds later, ATC yelled out an urgent traffic alert to the guy. Still nothing. By then the other plane saw him and got out of his way, then called on the radio and said "someone needs a spanking."

    Then I immediately piped in and said "need a volunteer?"

    Every pilot in the area keyed their microphone to laugh on the radio at the same time. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 06, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    Oh yeah, and my favorite line is when ATC calls out a traffic alert for me, and it happens to be a Fokker jet.
    I usually answer back "I've got the little Fokker in sight, no factor."
    Yes, it's pronounced like you think it is.