New to gay dating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Hi all,

    So new to gay dating. Gone on a few dates, and still 'adjusting' to the newness of it all.

    Long story short, met a great guy. He's the 'ideal' guy in my opinion. I think the first date went alright - didn't make a complete ass of myself, haha. Anyway, after the date was over, we went our own ways at a street corner. I was an idiot and just said 'take care' instead of telling him how much I enjoyed meeting him.

    Anyway, after the date, the same night, he texted me
    Him: Really cool to finally meet you man. And you are definitely a hottie, sorry if I stared icon_smile.gif
    Me: I definitely did my share of starring too. Thanks for the drink. Just means we have to do it again now that I owe you one icon_smile.gif
    Him: Yeah man, definitely need to do it again!

    Now as I'm texting him, it takes him a couple days to respond to the texts. When I asked if I could call him he wrote:
    Him: I have another test tomorrow, but give me a shout. If i'm not deep in my studying I'll be able to talk icon_smile.gif

    Well, I called and no response. Texted the next day and no response.

    I know it's impossible to know if he's just busy or not interested, but what are your guys' thoughts/opinions?

    And yes, I know it's only the first date and I know there are other fish in the sea, but damn, it's hard to find the fish so when I think I found a decent fish I want to hold on to it haha!
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    Apr 05, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    In order to keep sane and happy I just accept whatever happens. One never knows what the guy is going to actually do (he may not either), and there's no point of dwelling on it.
    Enjoy your dates and hookups. Treat the guy the way you would like to be treated. Nurture the connection as long as it lasts. If the contact disappears, just laugh it off. It wasn't meant to be anyway.
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    Apr 05, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    I find a lot of guys have a very short span of attention. It sounds like you put the ball in his court. Move on. If he texts back great. You don't want to appear needy or something. Good luck.
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    Apr 06, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    Here's my advice: try suggesting something that doesn't take much effort on his part, like meeting him for lunch (somewhere near him) or going out for coffee. Be low key and casual about it. It will be easier for him to say yes.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 06, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    bwinter00 saidHere's my advice: try suggesting something that doesn't take much effort on his part, like meeting him for lunch (somewhere near him) or going out for coffee. Be low key and casual about it. It will be easier for him to say yes.


    You could be like Dear Abby; it's too bad you're faceless.
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    Apr 06, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    He's either not interested in you or an inconsiderate douche nozzle. Either way, you're better off forgetting about him and finding someone better for you.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Apr 06, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    Tell him that you're super horny and just need a good dickin' and see how long it takes him to respond.
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    Apr 06, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Trepeat saidTell him that you're super horny and just need a good dickin' and see how long it takes him to respond.


    sad but true! haha
  • gatorboi

    Posts: 17

    Apr 06, 2012 4:37 AM GMT
    Im in a similar sort of situation. I've dated guys before, and had relationships but I didn't date a lot and it has been a while. Now that I am back in the "game" I find myself over thinking signals form guys. I wen't out with a guy a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time but it ended in a similar situation. He said "text me we should hang out again, I had a great time". So I did, but he takes FOREVER to respond. So I was really annoyed for a bit until my best friend helped me snap out of it and just give him some space. I waited a week then asked him out to a movie. We went last night and had a great time. It really does do a lot of good to just take a step back and just let go and let the "game" play out in it's on time. I know it is annoying but as I have been told recently "that's the way it is, deal with it" lol.
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    Apr 06, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    gatorboi saidIm in a similar sort of situation. I've dated guys before, and had relationships but I didn't date a lot and it has been a while. Now that I am back in the "game" I find myself over thinking signals form guys. I wen't out with a guy a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time but it ended in a similar situation. He said "text me we should hang out again, I had a great time". So I did, but he takes FOREVER to respond. So I was really annoyed for a bit until my best friend helped me snap out of it and just give him some space. I waited a week then asked him out to a movie. We went last night and had a great time. It really does do a lot of good to just take a step back and just let go and let the "game" play out in it's on time. I know it is annoying but as I have been told recently "that's the way it is, deal with it" lol.


    Yes I think I agree that I just need to wait ... friends have told me that people don't like moving fast .. so maybe I've tried to move too fast for him ...

    it's also awk that I have him on gchat and see him on all the time. haha, I have to not sign on so I'm not tempted to message him .....

    pathetic i know
  • gatorboi

    Posts: 17

    Apr 06, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    It's not pathetic. Dating is putting yourself out there and it is really nerve wracking and when you don't know how things are really going, so a little obsessing over what the other person might be thinking is normal. Yeah in my experience people are freaked out by moving fast, and honestly even if you aren't freaked out by it at first you may hit a wall after a bit where you also realize you may have been a little too enthusiastic at first. And look on the bright side, if it doesn't work out you are in Menver and there are lots of other fish in the sea, or from what I could see when I was there, wolves in the mountains lol.
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    Apr 06, 2012 5:08 AM GMT
    chirockjock said
    gatorboi saidIm in a similar sort of situation. I've dated guys before, and had relationships but I didn't date a lot and it has been a while. Now that I am back in the "game" I find myself over thinking signals form guys. I wen't out with a guy a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time but it ended in a similar situation. He said "text me we should hang out again, I had a great time". So I did, but he takes FOREVER to respond. So I was really annoyed for a bit until my best friend helped me snap out of it and just give him some space. I waited a week then asked him out to a movie. We went last night and had a great time. It really does do a lot of good to just take a step back and just let go and let the "game" play out in it's on time. I know it is annoying but as I have been told recently "that's the way it is, deal with it" lol.


    Yes I think I agree that I just need to wait ... friends have told me that people don't like moving fast .. so maybe I've tried to move too fast for him ...

    it's also awk that I have him on gchat and see him on all the time. haha, I have to not sign on so I'm not tempted to message him .....

    pathetic i know


    Don't blame yourself. Like I'd said most guys have a very short span of attention. One minute they are totally into you and then it passes. Just ignore him for a while, if there was a real connection, he'll come around. Otherwise you had a good date, you got a better idea of what you like, and you move on to someone better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    He's not that into you. If he was, he would make time. People make time for what they want. Period.

    You can try to fuck bud him if you think he'd be down for just sex -- and you don't mind being a piece of tail and nothing more. If if you were looking for a friendship/relationship, you should probably let it go before you get hurt. I wouldn't expect any more out of this guy, sorry.

    Oh, and since you're new to gay dating, here's five tips:

    1) Get used to rejection.

    2) Never overestimate the attention-span of a male, which is somewhere between the attention span of a gnat and the attention span of a flea.

    3) Get very comfortable with rejection.

    4) Never underestimate the flakiness of a male. 99.99% of gay men ought to be members of Commitment-Phobes Anonymous. And I might still be underestimating this number.

    5) No, seriously, get very very very intimate with the concept of rejection, being rejected, being rejected by phone, by text, by silence, being rejected after a date that went badly, being rejected after a date that went well, being rejected for your height, your weight, your facial features, your hair, your skin color, your lack of skin color, your dick, your foreskin, your job, your distance from the rejector, your politics, your religion or lack thereof, your discretion or lack thereof, being rejected after sex, being rejected before sex, facing rejection from guys in your league, facing rejecting from guys who should be lucky you even tried, having rejection for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

    If you learn to live with the above, you'll be good. And some day some stud will surprise you, and you'll be even better. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 06, 2012 7:21 AM GMT
    How do you exactly find a date?

    I'm not very active in this so-called gay scene and don't really think much of internet dating, so that limits the options of course. I do go to some LGTB parties at times, but i'm not sure wether that is the ideal environment to meet new people.
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    Apr 06, 2012 7:27 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidHow do you exactly find a date?

    I'm not very active in this so-called gay scene and don't really think much of internet dating, so that limits the options of course. I do go to some LGTB parties at times, but i'm not sure wether that is the ideal environment to meet new people.


    What's wrong with finding someone on the internet?
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    Apr 06, 2012 9:47 AM GMT
    Stuttershock said
    Truppensturm saidHow do you exactly find a date?

    I'm not very active in this so-called gay scene and don't really think much of internet dating, so that limits the options of course. I do go to some LGTB parties at times, but i'm not sure wether that is the ideal environment to meet new people.


    What's wrong with finding someone on the internet?

    Nothing. I just don't think it works that well (imo).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2012 10:03 AM GMT
    On to the next one!

    Getting obsessed or concerned over a guy you had one date with is totally not worth it. Just enjoy the moment you had and move on.

    I think you did things alright, you text'd him and called him. He didn't answer you. So, just leave it there imo.
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    Apr 07, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    so now that it's been a couple days i'm glad i didnt' text or call him again and let some time go by.

    to be honest he only didn't reply to one text and one call. up to that point he had been replying to my texts and replying, in my opinion, enthusiastically. while i know the lack of response indicates he might not be interested, i still think there's a shot so I'm still going to pursue it next week after some more time has gone by.

    quick question though. he's a triathalon type of guy. i was thinking of asking him if he wanted to go for a run together through a scenic trail that i know of. i know that might not be the most romatic date ever, but do you guys think that's a good idea since it'd show that i'm interested in what he's doing and it would give us the opportunity to talk a bit more? or would you just go with the more normal ask him to dinner?
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    Apr 07, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
    chirockjock said
    quick question though. he's a triathalon type of guy. i was thinking of asking him if he wanted to go for a run together through a scenic trail that i know of. i know that might not be the most romatic date ever, but do you guys think that's a good idea since it'd show that i'm interested in what he's doing and it would give us the opportunity to talk a bit more? or would you just go with the more normal ask him to dinner?


    Depends on the guy. I know personally, while something like that would be appreciated as it shows you're paying attention to his interests, I would be uncomfortable with something like that just because my training/gym time is kinda my personal "escape" and I ENJOY doing it alone and don't like having people disrupt that haha

    Like I said, depends on the guy.
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    LOL getting used to rejection is probably the best advice I could hear
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Apr 07, 2012 8:09 PM GMT
    Aggieboy saidLOL getting used to rejection is probably the best advice I could hear


    Yup, welcome to gay dating. Just keep your head up though. Every time you find someone you like, you tend to only see all the positive. It's not that he puts you on hold, it's that he doesn't communicate well. If that doesn't work for you, it's best to know now. Keep your options open and see what else is out there. When you find someone, you'll be amazed how none of the silly high-school shit occurs.
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    It has come to my attention that a lot of (gay) guys are shit at communicating. You'd think it's just due to a lack of interest, but even the ones that were interested, were unable to hold a proper conversation going. Also some people behave very strangely when they go online. You can send someone a message and get a reply after 2 weeks or nothing at all. Then you see them in person and they can't shut up.
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    HisAlterEgo said
    When you find someone, you'll be amazed how none of the silly high-school shit occurs.


    Um...I have bad news...
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    Apr 07, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    Aggieboy saidLOL getting used to rejection is probably the best advice I could hear



    haha, but it can't be rejection! I have the butterflies in my stomach icon_smile.gif

    jk jk. going to email on monday with the offer for either the run or to go out to dinner (was thinking brunch but then decided no b/c breakfast is just not sexy in my opinion haha). probably a fool here, but here's hoping!
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    Apr 08, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    HisAlterEgo said
    When you find someone, you'll be amazed how none of the silly high-school shit occurs.


    Um...I have bad news...
    Ok Troy.......u just need a good man. Damn we dont all reject everyone and play high school BS. icon_biggrin.gif lower your standards and contact me, lol.