Need help with first gay experience.

  • SF69ers

    Posts: 2

    Apr 07, 2012 6:55 AM GMT
    Ok, basically i have a lot of questions so please bear with me.

    I'm 22 and have only had hetero relationships my whole life. I'm very attracted to women and have been in love with a girl before.

    But since i was about 15, Ive had this underlying curiosity of being with a man but have never even came close to acting on it. It's weird because i don't get horny by thinking about men, but once I start masturbating (witch happens on a fairly regular basis) my mind often wonders to men.

    I've experimented with anal play while masturbating and also have a fixation on cum. I cant even count how many times I've gotten myself all worked up about swallowing my cum after masturbating but by the time i blow my load in my hand i can never bring myself to eat it.

    I consider myself straight (well i guess i would be considered bi-curious?) but am also a very open minded person and i really need to figure this out cuz its driving me crazy.

    Basically i want to have a gay experience but i just don't know how to go about it.

    Has anyone had a similar experience as me or could just give me any kind of insight? It would be greatly appreciated and thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and hopefully respond.

    P.S. sry about my lame ass user name, but it was the first thing that popped in my head lol.
  • SF69ers

    Posts: 2

    Apr 07, 2012 7:41 AM GMT
    So after reading my own post i see that it is a little vague in what im asking. Basically, for my sanity, i need to have a gay experience but im absolutely petrified about it and how to go about it. To give a little insight to my anxiety i had to chew 3 Lortabs and drink about half a fifth of vodka to even make this completely anonymous post.

    Like i don't think i could go to a gay club and am way to worried somebody that knows me might see my profile if i go on a gay dating sight, but that wouldn't really be fair cuz i don't want a relationship just sex. Again sorry for my ramblings.
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    Apr 07, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    SF69ers saidSo after reading my own post i see that it is a little vague in what im asking. Basically, for my sanity, i need to have a gay experience but im absolutely petrified about it and how to go about it. To give a little insight to my anxiety i had to chew 3 Lortabs and drink about half a fifth of vodka to even make this completely anonymous post.

    Like i don't think i could go to a gay club and am way to worried somebody that knows me might see my profile if i go on a gay dating sight, but that wouldn't really be fair cuz i don't want a relationship just sex. Again sorry for my ramblings.

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    Apr 07, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    I think you go about having a gay experience the same way you have a straight one. Find a gay guy and see if you can get him drunk enough and lower his self esteem enough to sleep with you. Good luck.
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    Apr 07, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    Find a man who is kind and accepting, who you think you can trust. Chat online with him first or by phone, then meet in a neutral location where you feel safe and comfortable. Be honest with yourself and him. You might try going to a gay beach, like West Beach in Laguna or a gay group on a local college campus. But that might be too big a step for you right now, which is why I suggested the other alternative for first. if you have any questions, feel free to email me privately. I will help you, talk to you. I know how you feel.
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    Apr 07, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    Cakelion saidI think you go about having a gay experience the same way you have a straight one. Find a gay guy and see if you can get him drunk enough and lower his self esteem enough to sleep with you. Good luck.
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  • Apr 16, 2012 7:59 AM GMT
    if this post is real i truly feel sorry for you
    if you feel 'petrified' by the thought of being with a man, then don't- you will freak out possibly, and scare the hell out of the guy who went home with you
    there is no timeline here. if you feel comfortable enough, the time will come when you meet the right person- online may be best since you can remain anonymous. going to the bars is probably not a good idea. gay bars are a real life recreation of every gay stereotype imaginable. go only if you have a friend to go with.
    do you live in san francisco? go to the gay community center and join a support or conversation group or place an ad in the local gay or alternative paper for a friend who is also new to the gay 'world.'
    rushing into things is usually disastrous, and first times are always awkward. your first time, if you have it, does not have to be like some dramatic 'coming out' movie at a gay film festival.

    i consider myself bisexual. bi-curious is a phony word. i've liked guys since i first had sexual feelings. i didnt consider myself gay. to me, gay was men who dressed in women's clothes are talked in funny voices and pranced around. horrible thoughts, yes, but thats what i thought. in my mid 20s, i first had sex with men, once i embraced that gay part of myself. there were stumbles at first, but eventually i learned how to approach a guy and express myself without sounded like a confused straight guy or a total dork. i first went to a bathhouse for sex. i wouldnt recommend baths for just anyone, but they provided an anonymous environment that was all about sex, so i didnt have to undergo the ordeal of making conversation with strangers and get stared at by curious queeny guys who thought i wandered in the wrong place. the guys at the baths were more masculine than the 'boyz' at the bars, and many were certainly closeted married men or guys with girlfriends.

    most of the early sex i had was with guys in the closet, who had girlfriends or wives at home. with some time, i went to bars and clubs, but i still dont enjoy those places very much. mostly bad music and annoying crowds of loud and obnoxious people.

    i encourage you to try online gay dating sites. find friends first. try a support group for guys just coming out. everyone approaches sex in a different way. you don't need to have anal sex or whatever just because other guys are doing it. and you don't have to eat your own cum! why would you think that is a step to being gay, anyway?

    for your first time, mutual jerking off or a simple blow job is a good start. let your partner do you, and tell him you're not comfortable doing it to him. a lot of guys won't mind- they may be turned on that you are 'straight.' that way, you take it slow. if it feels good and you want it again, go ahead and consider yourself 'gay' or 'bi' or whatever. if it feels awful or weird, then you can forget about it and go back to your life with the opposite sex.

    good luck
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    Apr 16, 2012 9:07 AM GMT
    Hire some 'love'
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    Apr 17, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    man up and experiment. if you dont like it then dont do it again. simple.

    are you the same way when it comes to trying new things like food? a sport? a different route home from work?

    its simple. its an experiment. if it doesnt work for you, then so be it. taking this on with that kind of attitude will only make your experience an awkward one and you wont enjoy it, for sure, if youre not truly willing to give it a try or keep an open mind. if youre guna be as nervous as you say then i feel sorry for your partner bc youre guna have a mad limpdick experience.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Apr 17, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    if you're 22 then you should have ample opportunities to experiment. If you're worried about your town go out of town and check out some gay bars, if you have a hotel that's always inviting for somebody to come back to your room.