Guys... I need your advice...

  • spanishc

    Posts: 3

    Apr 07, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    Hello! I'm new to the forum, and this is my first post.

    Months ago, I moved to a foreign country. I bumped into a facebook profile of a gay guy that lives in the same city I live in. I can't explain the attraction I feel for him... There is something in his eyes, his smile, his hair, his eyebrows and his athletic body that drove me crazy...probably he has features I have never seen in any other guy (he is REALLY hot).

    I sent him a message asking him to go on a date with me. He replied back that he would be more than glad, but he was "getting to know somebody" already. I felt like crap, and asked him to be friends... to which he replied "It's not a good idea, I'm sorry". icon_cry.gif

    I have seen him twice at a club. It was very funny the second time because he spot me, and he was like -> icon_eek.gif . My friends didn't get a good impression from him for they think he is a little bit arrogant.

    I admit I still feel attraction towards him. Nonetheless, I understand he is taken, and I wish him and his guy the best.

    My question is: If I ever meet him again.. Should I speak to him or should he speak to me? If so, how should I behave? There are chances we can meet again because of mutual acquaintances.

    Thanks guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 07, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    Kill his BF and take your chances or let it go... He clearly said it's not a good idea to become friends. Don't lose your self-respect and just ignore him. Let him take the first step, since he knows how you feel about him.
  • spanishc

    Posts: 3

    Apr 07, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    I actually got pretty hurt when he denied the friendship. I'm new to this country, and I just wanted to have somebody to trust.

    You are right that I have to respect myself.

    Thanks icon_smile.gif
  • leojock1985

    Posts: 76

    Apr 08, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    you say you want someone to trust.. you find that in friends!! Go find yourself some friends.. if that's all you wanted!!

    My advice to you is this.. Go out be yourself have fun, be out going and if someone doesn't respect you don't give them the light of day! Move on ignore them and pretend like they don't exist you'll find someone else!! Just seems like you are wasting your time on someone when you should be focusing your energy on meeting friends and getting comfortable in your new country. Another thing to take into consideration...

    If you get involved with someone right away when moving to a new city you will instantly be thrown into their circle of friends.. and you will think those people are your friends and when that relationships ends.. His friends will no longer be speaking to you and then you will have no one to talk to because you put all your marbles in that basket and not only that.. but people in the gay community and the community around you will only know you as this persons ex and that will complicate your attempt to find friends after that relationship!!

    So please do yourself a favor and find your own friends and create trust within each other if that's what you are looking for!! It's never a good idea getting involved with anyone in a new city for at least 6 months; in my opinion anyways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 8:21 AM GMT
    spanishc saidI actually got pretty hurt when he denied the friendship. I'm new to this country, and I just wanted to have somebody to trust.

    You are right that I have to respect myself.

    Thanks icon_smile.gif


    LOL what?

    you needed to trust someone off a facebook profile? you wanted to be with someone so badly because of the way they look?!


    his eyebrows?!


    hilarious lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 8:35 AM GMT
    If you see him... you should be nice to him and talk to him. Yes he has a boyfriend... but those don't tend to last ;). Keep your prospects open in the future and learn a little patience and restraint in the mean time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    the life is full of beauty, have patience.. just be yourself and dont throw yourself into others let them take the first step is better. Cheers
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 11:50 AM GMT
    In the first place, he is a total stranger. How on earth do you know you can trust him? This is what I don't understand about friending total strangers on Facebook.

    Focus on doing the social activities you enjoy: play on a sports team, join a museum or art viewing group, go out dancing. Participate in activities you already have an interest in, and you should have no problem making friends, even in a foreign country.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2012 12:01 PM GMT
    He really has done nothing that justifies you giving him the cold shoulder. You made an advance and he politely rebuffed you. Should you encounter him again, by all means give him an acknowledging nod and he may do the same in return. You may even end up chatting. Dating-wise, however, he has made his thoughts pretty clear, so let him go and move on.
  • spanishc

    Posts: 3

    Apr 09, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the advices!

    Wow, you all seem to keep things under control, 100% drama-free... I strive to be like that one day, specially since everything you said.. is so logical.

    I created the topic because I somehow needed to see things written, to read them. I'm doing better now. I guess I went back to those thoughts because of some personal situations that went on last week.

    Once again, thanks ;)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 10, 2012 12:30 PM GMT
    I think, based on the limited conversation you have had with him... that if something were to change, it would be his move, not yours.

    Nothing wrong in saying hello if you see him out somewhere, then move on.
    If he is interested in changing the scene with you, it needs to be his move.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    It's probably not a good idea to initiate talks with him if you run into him again, unless you consider there to be a viable friendship between the two of you.

    He did turn you down for some reason, and for me the story pretty much ends here; and as someone he knows from FB and met only once at a club, you really don't owe him any courtesy anymore.