what to do if the fire has gone?

  • nefficles

    Posts: 511

    Apr 08, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    what would you guys do if your relationship seems to be fizzing out. Not because the people are mad or dislike each other, but the feelings only come across as friends.
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    Apr 08, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    Maybe first try to find out why the fire is gone?
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    Apr 08, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    how about breaking up but staying as friends?

    or at the very least going back and thinking about why you two got in the relationship in the first place. what do you love about the dude?
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    Apr 08, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    porn
  • okcomputer201...

    Posts: 132

    Apr 08, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    The question is not 'what to do if the fire is gone?' it's 'who to do if the fire is gone?'
  • nefficles

    Posts: 511

    Apr 08, 2012 5:11 AM GMT
    should probably add that i live with him haha
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    jerradwolf saidwhat would you guys do if your relationship seems to be fizzing out. Not because the people are mad or dislike each other, but the feelings only come across as friends.
    Well............. since I have seen this before with good friends, they too asked the same question. I answered it by asking THEM a question and ill ask it here to you. Your answer, should you really think about it will tell you everything you need to know.

    here it is:

    WHAT attracted you to him in the first place?



    Think hard and be really honest and you'll have your answer as clear as day (now).
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:16 AM GMT
    passionate love isnt meant to last forever.. companionate love is
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    toss an M80 into that bitch! icon_biggrin.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Apr 08, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    You get together...Talk out your feelings...Then try to salvage the friendship...It can go really really well or go really really bad but living in limbo isn't fair for either one of ya....Take it for what it's worth.....
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
    You have the option of trying to keep the fire alive by rekindling it or let if fizzle out and start a new flame with new wood. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 08, 2012 8:05 AM GMT
    Move on
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    Apr 08, 2012 8:31 AM GMT
    jerradwolf saidwhat would you guys do if your relationship seems to be fizzing out. Not because the people are mad or dislike each other, but the feelings only come across as friends.


    It's probably happening for a reason. Whether its you or him, if you want to fix it you need to find out what it is.

    Even if you feel like it's fizzling out, he's still there with you. If you make the decision to leave him, you may come to realize that you still very much love him and can't get him back.

    TALK to him. Tell him how you feel, ask him if he feels the same way. Then go from there.

    How long have you been together?
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Apr 08, 2012 8:58 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidtumblr_m1nwxxjd9A1rscq1uo1_500.jpg


    Exactly
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    Apr 08, 2012 9:24 AM GMT
    jerradwolf saidshould probably add that i live with him haha

    Obviously the more your lives are interwoven the more difficult it is to break up, and so I can see part of your dilemma. If you weren't living together, would your decision be easier? How much are you dependent on each other, in terms of income and your living arrangements? Have your own furniture, appliances, and car, can you & he afford your own places?

    If you're not independent and can't answer yes to the above, then as a practical matter you may be at least temporarily trapped. I faced that when I ended my 2 longest LTRs (not counting my late & present partners), living with my BF at his place. I did eventually leave in each case, but it took some planning and I had to bide my time, because I depended upon them for my living arrangements by my own choice.

    Whether or not that describes your own situation, I mention it for consideration by other guys reading this thread. Always be cautious about painting yourself into a relationship corner, where your options become limited. In some cases you may find yourself lingering solely because you've unwisely boxed yourself in, when the relationship has run its course.

    You will also find that the spark of initial passion commonly fades over time. That's a universal theme with both gays and straights, and is normal & expected. It's when you discover whether deeper love has replaced fleeting lust.

    I can't advise whether you should try to salvage this or move on, because I know none of your many personal variables that will form such a decision. Some relationships are worth fighting to keep, others are lost causes.

    Cutting your loses is an art, to know when to fold and when to continue to play your hand. So to summarize, if you are not dependent on your BF, I would lean towards moving on, all other considerations aside. Remain friends, as I do with my most recent ex-BF, having departed on amicable terms.

    You have the great advantage of youth, allowing you to replay this scenario many times more in your life, before you hit the wall of desperation as you enter your declining years, many decades away. If you do move on I don't think it'll be the end of the world, you have that safety net of youth going for you.
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    Apr 08, 2012 12:34 PM GMT
    Chances are both parties realise the fizzling out has happened.. open and honest conversation may work..

    Art Deco's point is solid - you need to make arrangements to move on if it isn't going to work - but dont prolong it, and dont lead him on unnecessarily (ie.. allow him to sign a new lease or mortgage that relies on you etc)
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Apr 08, 2012 1:17 PM GMT
    You let it fizz it out--because, perhaps, you didn't really care. I don't believe it. Having been married now for twelve years, you do, you really do fix it. First off...of course it feels like you are "friends." Do you start a relationship with strangers? Nope. You always have the best time with someone you can consider a friend.

    If it's fizzing out? Find out why.

    Then decide if you want to fix it. If you really love this person? THen you will.

    If you decide not to? Well, that's pretty telling too.

    Good luck. ALL relationships take work. They don't just happen. The fact is, we see successful relationships around us and they look effortless. That's an untruth. It takes work.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Apr 08, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet said
    Trollileo saidtumblr_m1nwxxjd9A1rscq1uo1_500.jpg


    Exactly


    WIN.......17 years and counting.
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    Apr 08, 2012 1:36 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidpassionate love isnt meant to last forever.. companionate love is


    Hmmm...in my humble opinion sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think it depends on what fueled the passion in the first place. icon_wink.gif

    TropicalMark is onto a big something. A psychologist we know once told me that some relationships end because the people in them forget what they first saw in each other. This is more than sight; it's a visceral remembering of the sight, sounds, smell and touch of the other person when you fell in love.
    It's also a visceral remembering of how you felt; your reactions to the sight, sound smell and touch of the other person.

    -Doug
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    Apr 08, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    jerradwolf saidwhat to do if the fire has gone?
    Get a job that makes you travel way too much. Then the bf will be like a dog, jumping on you, knocking you down, and dry humping you when come home.
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    Apr 09, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    Relationships that are based entirely on sex and lust do fizz out eventually. That's precisely why there has to be something other than sex that binds you and your bf/partner. In any event, try being creative. Sometimes boredom sets in when you're doing the same stuff over and over again. Be a slut in the privacy of your bedroom, or make him a slut, whichever works best. Introduce surprises, novelty, etc.