Where to meet guys besides bars and the internet?


  • Apr 08, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    So, I'm out and about. Happy about it. It's been about a year, but I've come to find out I don't like meeting guys in two places, bars and the internet.

    I'm sure many of you have met a boyfriend, maybe even your husband in either of these two places, but I don't feel like these places are for me for a couple reasons: Bars, well they have alcohol thus making people a little sloppy. And I do get that vibe that people are there more for a hook up vs. a LTR. Internet dating. Sadly, people lie, put up their "best" picture, and eventual you have some kid of awkward meet up where that person wasn't all they turned out to be. And again, probably just wanted a hook up.

    So guys, where else do you meet guys? I'm in my mid-20s, lots of hobbies but just that most don't involve another person/group. I work with 150+ people, but mostly independently. Help?
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:27 AM GMT
    quarterlifecrisis saidSo, I'm out and about. Happy about it. It's been about a year, but I've come to find out I don't like meeting guys in two places, bars and the internet.

    I'm sure many of you have met a boyfriend, maybe even your husband in either of these two places, but I don't feel like these places are for me for a couple reasons: Bars, well they have alcohol thus making people a little sloppy. And I do get that vibe that people are there more for a hook up vs. a LTR. Internet dating. Sadly, people lie, put up their "best" picture, and eventual you have some kid of awkward meet up where that person wasn't all they turned out to be. And again, probably just wanted a hook up.

    So guys, where else do you meet guys? I'm in my mid-20s, lots of hobbies but just that most don't involve another person/group. I work with 150+ people, but mostly independently. Help?
    There lies SOME of your problem!......... well a big portion actually.

    Networking with gay friends helps as well.
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    Apr 08, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    i meet guys the same place where i meet girls.

    -gym
    -book stores
    -waiting for a bus
    -parks
    -relaxing in a starbucks.


    there isn't a networking store that you can go to and network....

    just be a social person everywhere you go and you'll meet people.
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    Apr 08, 2012 10:22 AM GMT
    You can't actually be a social person, you just are or aren't.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Apr 08, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    If you're not social? Go ahead and do the hobbies and activities you like. You'd be surprised the kinds of people you meet. And if they're not gay--they might know someone who is.

    I'd be curious what kinds of hobbies you have that don't involve others (I'll check your profile here in a moment), but if you can't find a hobby with others, well, what about completing hobbies in public places. I'm an author. I tend to write in a coffeehouse. I've met people there. Start small, think big.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Apr 08, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    agreed with everyone so far (except Truppensturm). i believe you can learn to be sociable.

    i took on a new years resolution a couple of years ago, that i would start to talk to people i see every day but whom i usually never talk to.the cleaners, the people at the donut store, staff and other regulars at the gym. just a smile and nod, a hello, hows your day going, whatcha working on, small talk, that kind of thing. you don't do it with the expectation of becoming best friends. you do it just to connect with the world around you, and the other people who cohabitate. it makes you realise that everyone is being so polite and in their own worlds that we forget to socialise with each other, even though we see each other every day.

    its a good exercise in being sociable and it makes it easier for you to approach guys whom you find more interesting, because the difference between not-knowing someone and knowing someone is just a few small increments from the word "hello". then when you see that interesting guy at the gym, super market, bookstore, bus stop, coffee shop, elevator, where ever, you might be able to make a new connection just by smiling and saying hi.



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    Apr 08, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    Well thre is lots of advice give by previous. And the main point put forward is socialising. And it is to your advantage to pick a hobby or activity that has lots of people. Now having said that on a positive note you are out which is a big advantage. I find nowadays with young men of your age that are out - they meet alot potential partners through there friends, it is all about networking. It maybe that you are expecting too much too fast. In fact been Gay nowadays is no different to been straight. Straights meet potential partners in this way it is just that Gay people have now copped on to this and they are more socially accepted as ordinary people within the straight environment. You have discovered that a big part of the actual Gay scene are the bars and clubs for the moment. I wouldn't totally run down this outlet. Take a look from a different perspective, go with a friend, know yourself and what you want, get talking to people, let it be known from early on that you don't do hook ups, this doesn't stop you from having a nice evening out. Hope you find your happy medium and that it is a long and happy life ahead for you. I totally go along with what Kingmo says - A simple hello and a smile can be a great start.
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    Apr 08, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    kingmo saidagreed with everyone so far (except Truppensturm). i believe you can learn to be sociable.

    i took on a new years resolution a couple of years ago, that i would start to talk to people i see every day but whom i usually never talk to.the cleaners, the people at the donut store, staff and other regulars at the gym. just a smile and nod, a hello, hows your day going, whatcha working on, small talk, that kind of thing. you don't do it with the expectation of becoming best friends. you do it just to connect with the world around you, and the other people who cohabitate. it makes you realise that everyone is being so polite and in their own worlds that we forget to socialise with each other, even though we see each other every day.



    This is a great exercise and is also one of my resolutions as well. Chatting up people on the NYC subway is a no no usually but I had half the people in my portion of the car talking to each other for the rest of their ride. The catalyst was a tourist asking for directions and me including the guy next to me to help her out (he was cute so I was hoping to chat him up also) After that it was like a domino effect of chatter.

    People are seeking out those kinds of human connections and they want them- especially in big cities. You'd be surprised what a friendly (not creepy) smile can do to someone.

    In terms of meeting people, I haven't met any guy outside the internet and bars, but have come very close at Barnes & Noble once- I'm sure the guy was hitting on me but I was a bit too shy to give him direct signals (hence the resolution).

    Through friends and local clubs/teams are a good way meet like minded guys.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    I've met tons of guys at military bases.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    kingmo saidagreed with everyone so far (except Truppensturm). i believe you can learn to be sociable.

    i took on a new years resolution a couple of years ago, that i would start to talk to people i see every day but whom i usually never talk to.the cleaners, the people at the donut store, staff and other regulars at the gym. just a smile and nod, a hello, hows your day going, whatcha working on, small talk, that kind of thing. you don't do it with the expectation of becoming best friends. you do it just to connect with the world around you, and the other people who cohabitate. it makes you realise that everyone is being so polite and in their own worlds that we forget to socialise with each other, even though we see each other every day.

    its a good exercise in being sociable and it makes it easier for you to approach guys whom you find more interesting, because the difference between not-knowing someone and knowing someone is just a few small increments from the word "hello". then when you see that interesting guy at the gym, super market, bookstore, bus stop, coffee shop, elevator, where ever, you might be able to make a new connection just by smiling and saying hi.




    I'm not that sociable, because i'm mostly not interested in all the small-talk with strangers. You are talking about communication skills. I agree that you can hone those to a better standard, but it doesn't feel natural for me to address others. I can force myself to do it (and will have no problems doing it; in my job i'm constantly communicating with strangers), but I really can't be bothered most of the time. In that sense you are a sociable person or you aren't.
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    Apr 08, 2012 3:29 PM GMT
    Kingmo nailed it.... when i go to a coffee shop or anywhere and somebody is checking me out i always smile and say Hi.... If you get a double take after that start talking especially if it is someone you're attracted to. I tend to show off my biceps more than most.... so it helps with the attraction. Everyone needs an attraction.... maybe you aren't showing yours... even if it is just a big smile.

  • Apr 08, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    In re: to some questions.

    I work "on the field" for my job, so I'm usually only there to check in briefly.

    I consider myself a pretty social person, but I usually end up meeting straight guys (guilty that I love the hyper masculine) so it hasn't ended up working out for me.
  • GAYBIGMACHODU...

    Posts: 1357

    Apr 08, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    I'm not into oldfashioned dating at all.I'm into high tech dating.I rather meet
    other gay single men online than in public places any day.
  • GAYBIGMACHODU...

    Posts: 1357

    Apr 08, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    I'm not willing to talk to strangers offline at all.I don't trust strangers at all.I
    feel more comfortable to talking online than offline these days.
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    Apr 08, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    I wasnt big into bars when I came out. I took the route of meeting more gay folk by volunteering with local LGBT organizations. I met the man of my life doing that. We've been together eleven years now.
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    Well if you don't trust the internetz ( where you most likely spend 80-90% of your free time) and don't like going out or being social and want to meet ONLY LTR-minded guys right off the bat...well then what you should do is.....

    Oh, why bother -- I'l just tell you what you want to hear:

    Sit quietly in yer room reading comic books and playing video games and eventually God will dump a Hot model in your lap who has never had sex with anyone else and wants to build a life with YOU and only YOU.

    Don't worry about showing your face. Surely YOU will live up to every expectation the Hot model ever had (sorry to hear you have been let down by so many dog-faced boys).

    Enjoy your soon-to-be-coupled life!!!

    Almost forgot to mention what a HUUUUUGE turn-on yer empty profile is!!!! I bet you are an "open book" and anyone who wants to get to know you has to "just ask."

    Better be funny, witty, charming, elegant, masculine, successful, forward-thinking, traditional, discreet, proud and able to anticipate your every need, thought and whim though...right???

    Good Plan!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 08, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    Here's a piece of advise a friend gave me...

    Dont assume that everyone at a bar is only there for one reason, or that everyone on the internet is lying. After all, you are going to a bar, does that mean you are only interested in hookups? Or you have a profile online, does that mean you are lying and deceiving?

    Chance are there will be guys just like you, in the same situation looking for the same thing.

    On a side note tho, how about at least adding some photo's with a face, and some personality, and maybe filling out your profile with something interesting that says, 'i'm a person'
  • austex85

    Posts: 572

    Apr 08, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    Cash saidWell if you don't trust the internetz ( where you most likely spend 80-90% of your free time) and don't like going out or being social and want to meet ONLY LTR-minded guys right off the bat...well then what you should do is.....

    Oh, why bother -- I'l just tell you what you want to hear:

    Sit quietly in yer room reading comic books and playing video games and eventually God will dump a Hot model in your lap who has never had sex with anyone else and wants to build a life with YOU and only YOU.

    Don't worry about showing your face. Surely YOU will live up to every expectation the Hot model ever had (sorry to hear you have been let down by so many dog-faced boys).

    Enjoy your soon-to-be-coupled life!!!

    Almost forgot to mention what a HUUUUUGE turn-on yer empty profile is!!!! I bet you are an "open book" and anyone who wants to get to know you has to "just ask."

    Better be funny, witty, charming, elegant, masculine, successful, forward-thinking, traditional, discreet, proud and able to anticipate your every need, thought and whim though...right???

    Good Plan!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    lol

  • Apr 11, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Cash saidWell if you don't trust the internetz ( where you most likely spend 80-90% of your free time) and don't like going out or being social and want to meet ONLY LTR-minded guys right off the bat...well then what you should do is.....

    Oh, why bother -- I'l just tell you what you want to hear:

    Sit quietly in yer room reading comic books and playing video games and eventually God will dump a Hot model in your lap who has never had sex with anyone else and wants to build a life with YOU and only YOU.

    Don't worry about showing your face. Surely YOU will live up to every expectation the Hot model ever had (sorry to hear you have been let down by so many dog-faced boys).

    Enjoy your soon-to-be-coupled life!!!

    Almost forgot to mention what a HUUUUUGE turn-on yer empty profile is!!!! I bet you are an "open book" and anyone who wants to get to know you has to "just ask."

    Better be funny, witty, charming, elegant, masculine, successful, forward-thinking, traditional, discreet, proud and able to anticipate your every need, thought and whim though...right???

    Good Plan!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    I don't know what makes you assume that I'm on here looking for anybody, because I'm not. I'm usually reading for fitness advice, as most are looking for here, not to meet anybody.

  • Apr 11, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Cash saidWell if you don't trust the internetz ( where you most likely spend 80-90% of your free time) and don't like going out or being social and want to meet ONLY LTR-minded guys right off the bat...well then what you should do is.....

    Oh, why bother -- I'l just tell you what you want to hear:

    Sit quietly in yer room reading comic books and playing video games and eventually God will dump a Hot model in your lap who has never had sex with anyone else and wants to build a life with YOU and only YOU.

    Don't worry about showing your face. Surely YOU will live up to every expectation the Hot model ever had (sorry to hear you have been let down by so many dog-faced boys).

    Enjoy your soon-to-be-coupled life!!!

    Almost forgot to mention what a HUUUUUGE turn-on yer empty profile is!!!! I bet you are an "open book" and anyone who wants to get to know you has to "just ask."

    Better be funny, witty, charming, elegant, masculine, successful, forward-thinking, traditional, discreet, proud and able to anticipate your every need, thought and whim though...right???

    Good Plan!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    Oh and I don't spend even 10% of my free time online. You know what assuming does.