GUILT TRIP (is it just)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Is it right to put someone on a guilt trip, especially when you feel like they deserve it?


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    Apr 09, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    Hold on, let me ask my mother.
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    Apr 09, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.

    ROFL


    Second that
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Apr 09, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    Amen. Nailed it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 09, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.
    LOL she must be catholic?
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    Apr 09, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    JPtheBITCH said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.

    ROFL


    Second that


    Third!
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    Apr 09, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    You can put someone on a guilt trip all you want. But they'll be doing what YOU want, because YOU made them feel guilty. Not what THEY want, because THEY feel guilty.

    Seems kinda forced, doesn't it?
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    Apr 09, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    It's a way to manipulate someone else... just say what you need to say, let the chips fall where they may. I think honesty/authenticity's the best option.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Apr 10, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.


    Bingo.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Apr 10, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    You may get what you want. You may not want what you get.
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    Apr 10, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    So I take it then that most of your mothers went to the same finishing school as mine?

    Meanwhile...

    KentuckyTuss saidYou can put someone on a guilt trip all you want. But they'll be doing what YOU want, because YOU made them feel guilty. Not what THEY want, because THEY feel guilty.

    Seems kinda forced, doesn't it?

    +
    Emesis54 saidIt's a way to manipulate someone else... just say what you need to say, let the chips fall where they may. I think honesty/authenticity's the best option.

    =

    First of all, we all work to manipulate each other. One guy wants to go out for pizza, the other for Chinese. Only one guy gets his way that day.

    But most of all, laying on a guilt trip isn't anything dishonest, at least, not when its done right. It is nothing more than triggering the other person's conscience in order to affect or correct behavior.

    So if you think your mom is being unauthentic when she triggers a guilt trip, you have no idea as to the extent of her subterfuge because she's the one who helped develop your conscience in the first place. The woman knows where all the buttons are because she put them there.

    #trickymoms
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    Apr 10, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.


    You don't call her enough anyway.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.


    You don't call her enough anyway.


    If everybody would please hold hands we will now attempt to call my mother.
  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Apr 10, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    They could always say

    Fuck you.

    And then you got nothin.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH said
    DudeInNOVA said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.


    You don't call her enough anyway.

    But does she mind?
    No, sigh. She's used to it by now.


    The Joke:

    How many Jewish children does it take to change a light bulb?

    None.

    Why?

    "It's all right, I'll just sit here in the dark."

    The Reality:

    I couldn't count how many times I drove to my mother's house just to change a lightbulb.

    (And she kept the place lit up like an airport. I swear the shuttle once landed there by mistake.)
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.
    LOL she must be catholic?
    and Italian
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    beachbum310 said
    tuffguyndc said
    theantijock saidHold on, let me ask my mother.
    LOL she must be catholic?
    and Italian


    A mother's guilt is transcendent.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    newkid901 saidIs it right to put someone on a guilt trip, especially when you feel like they deserve it?

    Any particulars you can share?
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    theantijock saidSo I take it then that most of your mothers went to the same finishing school as mine?

    Meanwhile...

    KentuckyTuss saidYou can put someone on a guilt trip all you want. But they'll be doing what YOU want, because YOU made them feel guilty. Not what THEY want, because THEY feel guilty.

    Seems kinda forced, doesn't it?

    +
    Emesis54 saidIt's a way to manipulate someone else... just say what you need to say, let the chips fall where they may. I think honesty/authenticity's the best option.

    =

    First of all, we all work to manipulate each other. One guy wants to go out for pizza, the other for Chinese. Only one guy gets his way that day.

    But most of all, laying on a guilt trip isn't anything dishonest, at least, not when its done right. It is nothing more than triggering the other person's conscience in order to affect or correct behavior.

    So if you think your mom is being unauthentic when she triggers a guilt trip, you have no idea as to the extent of her subterfuge because she's the one who helped develop your conscience in the first place. The woman knows where all the buttons are because she put them there.

    #trickymoms


    lol. Tricky moms are dangerous.

    I agree. Manipulation happens every day. It bothers me when it involves guilt, shame, and blame. I'd rather someone come out and tell me that they're unhappy with something I did or said and tell me what they think is an appropriate corrective response from me than they play games, hide their true motives, and do things to bring about a response from me without my knowledge. At that point I feel like their puppet. That doesn't make me feel respected. I think there's better ways to go about it if you want to show a person respect.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    Oy! Jewish mothers are FAMOUS for guilt trips.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    newkid901 saidIs it right to put someone on a guilt trip, especially when you feel like they deserve it?

    Any particulars you can share?


    eh not so much. too much of a personal situation that got me thinking about it, that's all.
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:59 PM GMT
    My husband likes to tell everyone how much his late, widowed Italian mother would use guilt trips. One time, by then in her 90s, he told her that she was as bad as a Jewish mother with her guilt.

    "I'm not Jewish," she said with some indignation, proud of her Italian heritage.

    "Ma, you know what the difference is between a Jewish and an Italian widow?"

    "No, what?"

    "Black stockings."

    [Pause to look down] "I'm not wearing black stockings."

    "MA!!!"

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 10, 2012 3:48 PM GMT
    Emesis54 saidlol. Tricky moms are dangerous.

    I agree. Manipulation happens every day. It bothers me when it involves guilt, shame, and blame. I'd rather someone come out and tell me that they're unhappy with something I did or said and tell me what they think is an appropriate corrective response from me than they play games, hide their true motives, and do things to bring about a response from me without my knowledge. At that point I feel like their puppet. That doesn't make me feel respected. I think there's better ways to go about it if you want to show a person respect.


    So what you're saying is that you would rather have an interfering mother-in- law who wants to live your life for you than a caring mom who wants you to live your own life?

    Of course when someone shames where there was no wrong doing or when someone blames to avoid taking responsibility, etc., that's not okay, But laying a guilt trip is generally nothing more than tripping the trigger of self awareness.

    Here's the existential thing about it: I don't exist to tell you how to experience your existence, though that doesn't mean I might not comment upon it because in living my own life, I might throw what you're doing in your face just for grins. Also you may have been rude to me and I'm not taking that shit from anyone. So I might redirect your attention in a way that does not interfere with your life, that does not direct you from the outside, but that draws you inside yourself where you already have the answers.

    It is because I do respect you that I know you can find those answers on your own without me telling you directly. It is my respect for you that gives me my faith in you that you will figure it out. Also I know that we learn best what we learn as much as we can on our own. Therefore, if we teach then we teach best not by instructing verbatim but by guiding obscurely. The more we figure it out on our own, the more authentic is our knowledge.

    Perfect recent real life example: I'm with my brother and his family. The kid comes in and tells a rude joke. My brother doesn't directly tell him, respecting him as you might put it, to shut the fuck up. Instead, my brother tells him that we don't want hear that type of joke in this household. And the kid is shamed because he knows all on his own, thru his upbringing, that the joke was off colored. My brother didn't interfere with his life because the kid is free to tell his bad jokes with his friends if that is what they do. But he is not welcomed to entertain us with his poor thinking in my brother's house. Did that shame the kid? I fuckin' hope so. Because he knew better. Did that lay a guilt trip on him? Haven't heard that joke since.

    He's a smart kid and he knows correct thinking. He gets influenced by others but he can find his way back. Laying a guilt trip is nothing more than laying a trail of bread crumbs so you can find your way home to mother.
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    Apr 10, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    I don't understand anything after the OP.
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    Apr 10, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    theantijock saidSo I take it then that most of your mothers went to the same finishing school as mine?

    Meanwhile...

    KentuckyTuss saidYou can put someone on a guilt trip all you want. But they'll be doing what YOU want, because YOU made them feel guilty. Not what THEY want, because THEY feel guilty.

    Seems kinda forced, doesn't it?

    +
    Emesis54 saidIt's a way to manipulate someone else... just say what you need to say, let the chips fall where they may. I think honesty/authenticity's the best option.

    =

    First of all, we all work to manipulate each other. One guy wants to go out for pizza, the other for Chinese. Only one guy gets his way that day.

    But most of all, laying on a guilt trip isn't anything dishonest, at least, not when its done right. It is nothing more than triggering the other person's conscience in order to affect or correct behavior.

    So if you think your mom is being unauthentic when she triggers a guilt trip, you have no idea as to the extent of her subterfuge because she's the one who helped develop your conscience in the first place. The woman knows where all the buttons are because she put them there.

    #trickymoms



    I really don't agree with that logic at all. You're saying just because people can be manipulated, it's okay to do so? Not to mention, there are lesser and greater types of manipulation. Convincing someone to get Mexican food over Chinese food is hardly shady. And even that can take place without having to manipulate your way into it. That word, is compromise. A guilt trip can be pretty mean spirited. My POINT to the OP was this: Why would you want a relationship (romantic or otherwise) in which you constantly have to convince and manipulate to be satisfied? Especially when the alternative is someone who, when they do mess up, feels the guilt without you having to pressure them, and chooses to right whatever wrong on their own terms. That word, is consideration.