I don't feel desired, I need some advice about my relationship.

  • Davidovsky

    Posts: 2

    Apr 09, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Guys I need some advice. I have been dating my current bf for almost 10 months now. Although I have developed strong feelings for him and every day I try to "cherish" him more and more, I feel like he just sees me as a buddy. Some odd times he will be the sweetest guy but most times he spends the day infront of the computer. Needless to say my main concern is that I am quite a sexual person, because I like the intimacy it brings and I feel conected to a person; but my bf doesn't initiate sex. I drop tons if hints and when we rarely do it it's almost embarassing seen as I do all the jerking times two (because he says hes lazy and has promised he'd try more things but never does). He looks at me while finishing myself off an just stares. There's no passion, it's almost as if we need to release the "juices" as a chore. And of course that only happens once in a blue moon. No kissing either, only little pecks. I was even paranoid that my breath might smell and I had to ask friends and family and they say it smells normal. I clean myself really well...unlike him (wearing the same undies and letting trumpets out durIng the day does leave a whiff) and yet I want him but I don't know what to think anymore.

    I don't know what to do he often just teases me (he gets out of the shower and wiggles it making horny noises) and gets dressed and eaves me wanting it. What can I do? Am I a drama queen?
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    Apr 09, 2012 11:24 PM GMT
    Sounds to me that your boyfriend is very immature. I myself was in a relationship with a guy for over three years in a similar, but not identical situation. Sex was minimal. He never initiated it and every time I tried to I would get a "I'm tired," or "I'm too full," or something similar. What kept us together was the fact that we were used to being together. He wasn't a bad person and I felt that perhaps that was all there was. WRONG!

    My advice to you? Get out of the relationship as soon as you can. It sounds like the two of you are more friends than boyfriends. I learned a few years back that you can love someone but not be in love with them. It seems like that's the problem here. You deserve someone who WANTS to have sex with you and who will initiate sex just like you do. I look back and realize that I should have gotten out of my relationship much sooner. Don't let things turn into three years like it turned out for me!
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    Apr 10, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    Time to have that serious talk.

    Your relationship sounds DOA to me anyway. Yes there is a rush of lust at the beginning, but then the mind sends out some great signals to nest and nourish and respect...trust me I have this now and after 10 years we still buy the gallon size of lube

    Actually it sounds like YOU have part of the blame.. No one with good self-esteem would stay in this place for long. If you respect yourself...get out

  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Apr 10, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidTime to have that serious talk.

    Your relationship sounds DOA to me anyway. Yes there is a rush of lust at the beginning, but then the mind sends out some great signals to nest and nourish and respect...trust me I have this now and after 10 years we still buy the gallon size of lube

    Actually it sounds like YOU have part of the blame.. No one with good self-esteem would stay in this place for long. If you respect yourself...get out



    where do you get it by the gallon? I have been TRYING to find some kind of large dispenser, the little bottles just don't last.
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    Apr 10, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    It is most likely imperative that the two of you separate. I was in a similar situation with a guy. I think that I was in your boyfriend's place. I was with a guy who was 23 years older than me and it put a strain on our relationship even though I loved him I was not in love with him so things like sex and initiating sex became very strained. I often felt like we were more than friends so it's best that you guys separate because it seems like his heart is not in it. One thing that I've learned although I am very young is that love Need no persuasion. the person who loves you IS going to go out of their way to show you it and there is no need to try and kill yourself to make a person love you.
  • Davidovsky

    Posts: 2

    Apr 10, 2012 8:13 AM GMT
    Thanks for your answers so far. Well, he seems to love me at times but even yesterday I went for a shower and laid there in my boxers and he was playing his games, then he said we should cuddle which we did but nothing happened, not even a proper kiss. I was then lying on top of him and he kinda teased me but then we got ready to go out, I feel like he does it on purpose. I don't know how to "let him go" since we met online and he moved in with me and he lives like 3 hours away :/ I've had this problem in the past and he said he'd change and he did a bit but the sex life is super dull. Might as well be just friends seen as we just cuddle. I have to do "my business" in front of the computer because otherwise there is no action. He didn't live in a very nice place let's say, so now that he has moved in, I've always feared it is the new life he has that keeps him by my side and not necessarily me. But then he looks straight into my eyes and says he loves me and I fall for it again and think I would be a b*s*t*r*d if we broke up. Do you think he knows what he's doing?
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    Apr 10, 2012 8:23 AM GMT
    Davidovsky saidI don't feel desired, I need some advice about my relationship.
    What relationship? If you don't feel desired, there is no relationship.`
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Apr 10, 2012 10:27 AM GMT
    Here you are telling us all of these issues, but, well, have you talked to him about everything you're telling us? If you have-well, then, awesome. It means you do have a relationship and bond. If you haven't, well, maybe you are just friends.

    The fact is, we can't control anyone but our actions and responses. You can't make him change. But you can change how you respond to the situation. The next time you aren't getting any, don't get angry (that just leads to resentment), but, when the time is right-tell him that you're concerned.

    If you want to stay with him. If not? Let him go and both move on.

    Now, from reading more posts, it seems like you once addressed this and it fixed for a bit. That's unfortunate. Is this relationship worthwhile? Is it only the sex part? Balance all things. Sex does eventually wane, lest we forget, but not unitl your senior years.

    So how is the rest of the relationship? Do you still go on dates and have similar hobbies?

    Things to think about. Good luck.

    Relationships are hard work. Many people see others getting along and it looks so simple. Its not. You do have to invest time and discussion on how they will play out.

    Peace,
    Bardy
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    Apr 10, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    ATXnative said
    Bigsmiles saidTime to have that serious talk.

    Your relationship sounds DOA to me anyway. Yes there is a rush of lust at the beginning, but then the mind sends out some great signals to nest and nourish and respect...trust me I have this now and after 10 years we still buy the gallon size of lube

    Actually it sounds like YOU have part of the blame.. No one with good self-esteem would stay in this place for long. If you respect yourself...get out



    where do you get it by the gallon? I have been TRYING to find some kind of large dispenser, the little bottles just don't last.


    even with shipping,, it's a better deal here

    [url]http://www.cheaplubes.com/browseproducts/Wet-Original-1-Gallon-(128-oz)---with-Pump-dispenser.html[/url]

    WetOrigianalGallon_L.gif