Roommate etiquette.

  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Apr 12, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    So I am gonna be moving out of my parents house for the first time with a friend of mine and am wondering if there are any tips or advice you all can offer. Haven't really talked to him yet to see where we stand on things, so does anyone have any good pointers on things that should be settled before-hand?
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Apr 12, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    Have you discussed nudity with him?
    If so, please provide full details. Oh and pics will help too.

    K thanks!
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    Apr 12, 2012 6:19 AM GMT
    -If He's gay.. do not sleep with him. Thats obvious.

    -Your Food and My food is better than our food when you are starting out.

    -Best to discuss boundaries right off.. just casually talk about what you care for and don't care for without coming of standoffish and unreasonable. Roommates are give and take.. and it's always best to start off knowing as much as you can about each others limitations, idiosyncrasies and such.

    -Always...always get a receipt if you re not on the lease and are paying him for your half and he pays the rent. And make sure he knows it is not because you don't trust him.. it's for your record keeping. If he has a problem with it .. it's a red flag.

    -Decide as soon as possible if you are going to be his friend or not... and keep that relationship the same as much as possible.
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    Apr 12, 2012 6:21 AM GMT
    JackKash said-If He's gay.. do not sleep with him. Thats obvious.

    -Your Food and My food is better than our food when you are starting out.

    -Best to discuss boundaries right off.. just casually talk about what you care for and don't care for without coming of standoffish and unreasonable. Roommates are give and take.. and it's always best to start off knowing as much as you can about each others limitations, idiosyncrasies and such.

    -Always...always get a receipt if you re not on the lease and are paying him for your half and he pays the rent. And make sure he knows it is not because you don't trust him.. it's for your record keeping. If he has a problem with it .. it's a red flag.

    -Decide as soon as possible if you are going to be his friend or not... and keep that relationship the same as much as possible.


    Great advice, My flatmate and I get along great we give each other space and even though we are very different people during the time we have lived together we have become great friends. I will miss him
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Apr 12, 2012 6:50 AM GMT
    He's straight. And a good friend of mine.

    I was wondering about the food thing because I have seen a lot of roommates like that, but since we're friends I figured it would be communal. Especially if we cook. I am a very go with the flow kind of guy so whatever he wants I guess. We're gonna be in grad school together too. so we will have almost all the same classes all day then share an apartment. Hope we don't get tired of each other.

    Boundaries as far as what? Looking for things you all think are good things to address ahead of time and specifics.
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    Apr 12, 2012 6:56 AM GMT
    Best not to assume the food situation. Like others said start off each getting your own, unless you discuss it first.
    For instance my flatmate is a great cook but uses so much butter and dairy so I cant eat what he cooks. He loves to cook. But from the start we each cook our own meals, we do however shop together and always replace anything of the others we have eaten or used from the pantry.
    There will be a time of adjustment so go witht he flow wherever possible you'll never know what situations lie ahead. In my experience straight guys are fine to share with, its when they get a GF that things tend to go a bit pear shaped
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    Apr 12, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    I haven't had a roommate before, but I can offer suggestions from what I have seen at my girlfriends house.

    -As stated before, his and your food. Sucks when you think you have an ingredient or food, you go to cook it up, and it's gone. Exceptions to this are things that expire easily, like milk. If you finish it, replace it immediately.

    -Chores. We are often left doing dishes and cleaning the house most of the time because both of us can't stand uncleanliness. Make sure everyone is taking turns cleaning. If it starts becoming an issue, place their dishes in a separate pile, they will run out of things eventually.

    -Bathroom schedule. I'm not saying you can only poop in a certain time period, but make make sure that if you both have to be somewhere at the same time, school, work, dates, that you aren't fighting for the shower. Work and school are easy to accommodate to.



  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Apr 12, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    Well My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
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    Apr 12, 2012 7:34 AM GMT
    bmoney1 saidSo I am gonna be moving out of my parents house for the first time with a friend of mine and am wondering if there are any tips or advice you all can offer.
    Yeah...make sure your roommates are NOT human. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 12, 2012 7:35 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Apr 12, 2012 7:35 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.

    This is true.
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    Apr 12, 2012 7:38 AM GMT
    JP85257 said
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.

    This is true.
    Maybe you should invest in a firearm. icon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Apr 12, 2012 7:39 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 said
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.

    This is true.
    Maybe you should invest in a firearm. icon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gif

    You dont know what I keep in my car.
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    Apr 12, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    JP85257 said
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 said
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.

    This is true.
    Maybe you should invest in a firearm. icon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gif

    You dont know what I keep in my car.
    I hope you have lots of air freshener. Bodies begin to smell really bad after a few weeks in the trunk.
  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Apr 12, 2012 11:08 AM GMT
    Great advice so far...

    I would also throw in make sure you communicate if you're going to have company come over. Nothing worse if you're making out and your roommate walks in.....unless of course he wants to join in....icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:11 AM GMT
    Make sure your roommate isn't a little bitch when it comes to his relationship and one day shows up with a dog. Most annoying ugly dog ever to add on top. Thank god they broke up and the dog is gone.
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:35 AM GMT
    1). Have a job and be able to pay rent and bills on time without being asked. Priorities basically. If your roomie has money to be blowing on movies, trips, clothes or whatever then him paying rent shouldn't be an issue when it's due. The minute you have to approach them on the subject that' the minute you start packing your shit and looking for another roomie or a place you can have all to yourself.

    2.) Boundaries. They need to be discussed head on. Privacy and respect for other people's things and space is always a big issue. There needs to be an open line for communication at all times. Example: If you're gonna have a party at the house then your roomie needs to know ahead of time as a courtesy. If you know it's not yours then don't touch it like food, clothes, etc...Separate what's yours and theirs and make a list of common items. If you/they have pets then ya'll better be able take care of them. The pets need to be house broken and not have any damaging tendencies like peeing all over the place, mauling/scratching everything or being noisy. Most importantly, they better not have attitudes. If you're pet has issues then lock it up in your room. It's your responsibility.

    3). Be clean. Don't care what you do in your room. That's your business. Just keep it in your room. Everywhere else in the house, apt, etc... needs to be clean like the kitchen, bathroom, living room, etc... With that being said the chores need to be split up equally and done weekly, bi-weekly or as needed depending on how you guys live.

    4.) Girlfriends, Boyfriends, friends, random guests and/or "tricks" don't live here meaning anything they break and borrow comes out of your wallet. You are responsible for them and if they don't know how to act then you can both get out. Respect goes a long way the lack of it can cause some serious issues.

    5.) Do not sleep with your roomie.

    6.) All of the above applies to either friend or a complete stranger you are moving in with.

    There is more but these should do for now. It basically comes down to common sense and simple courtesy. Treat others the way you want to be treated and better if possible.

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    Apr 12, 2012 11:57 AM GMT
    I just don't do roommates full stop. I don't want to fall for them. Or any other crap from them. I had this before, it was hell. icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 12, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    JackKash said-If He's gay.. do not sleep with him. Thats obvious.


    So since your friend is straight, it will be fine to sleep with himicon_twisted.gif

    But seriously... not sure I can help you anymore than what has been stated already. I know my friend and her roommates made a list of rules. If one of them broke a rule, they would have to donate a dollar or something into the jar. I guess the money went to rent.
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    Apr 12, 2012 12:02 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidWell My roommate leaves his shoes in the kitchen and fails to scoop and doesnt clean up his cooking mess after he gets stoned and cooks.
    Sounds more like a rodent than a roommate.

    Words from an expert, who just got a real rodent for a roommate a few days ago.
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    Apr 12, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    Make sure he understands that you have the right to sedate him at will when he starts to get on your nerves, or you when you just feel like fucking with him for your own personal amusement. And, that you may perform human psychological experiments on him.
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    Apr 12, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    I once co-leased an off-post apartment with another single male Army Captain, when we were both taking a career development course that brought us there for only a few months. Among the things we decided (per the typical military mind):

    - Who got which of the 2 bedrooms, which weren't identical. We agreed to flip a coin.
    - When "quiet hour" would begin in the apartment.
    - Not give copies of the door key to anyone.
    - No sex or making out in the living room (he violated that rule often, whereas I never had a woman over). Bedrooms were OK.
    - No nudity outside the bedrooms, because of guests & sleepovers.
    - No drugs (as Officers that was already forbidden, but some had civilian friends who did)
    - No smoking indoors by us or guests.
    - No dirty dishes left in the sink, put them right into the dishwasher except when cooking.
    - Take turns cleaning the unit at least weekly or as needed, including vacuuming the rugs, mopping the kitchen floor, wiping down the hall bathroom.
    - We each shipped only part of our household goods there, keeping the rest in storage. I had the only TV which I put in the living room, and we had rules for sharing it.
    - Always check if the other was awake in time for weekday classes we shared, and any weekend training we had.
    - We divided up the kitchen cabinets for our separate food storage, which we never shared and never cooked together (I ate almost all my meals out except for breakfast, and he was an infrequent cook himself).
    - Borrowing cooking utensils was allowed, but had to be cleaned on the spot, not parked in the dishwasher.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Apr 12, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    One thing is, if you want to be social (have guys over) totally respect that 3am might not make your friend feel safe having strangers over.
    If you can join a membership club for common items TP, Papertowels, and staples, Eggs, Protein, etc, you just split the bill at the time and call it fair.
    Good luck!
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    Apr 12, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    don't "go with the flow" - this is a recipe for disaster! you will end up going with his flow and then realise that he's doing nothing, and you're going with the flow.

    1) rent - paid together, on time, no questions, no asking.

    2) food - assign each your own cupboards and your own shelves in the fridge where you keep your own stuff. if necessary, label things (in case friends/guests come over and raid the kitchen).

    3) message board - get a magnetic white board / cork bulletin board. you may need to leave messages for each other while out, or pin receipts and stuff.

    4) common items - make a list of stuff you have to share (toilet paper, cleaning supplies, condiments like ketchup, salt/pepper, lightbulbs, paper towels, etc), purchase during your shopping trips, keep the receipts in a box initialled by whoever bought the stuff. at the end of the month, add up and divide the cost.

    5) cleaning - together you should develop a task list of housework which needs to be done every week (garbage, recycling) or every 2 weeks (cleaning kitchen sink, refrigerator, bathroom sink, toilet, tub/shower, sweeping, vacuuming, etc.). divide up the tasks, check them off the list when they are done. rotate responsibilities every month.

    6) bills - internet, tv, neflix, utilities, and other common expenses. hard to quantify consumption, so you just have to agree what you will split equally, and what you will opt-out and not participate in. after the first month, you should both know how much you each have to pay, so keep a utilities folder/cookiejar/box where you keep your common bills, and figure out who is going to pay each month.

    7) guests - boy/girlfriends, buddies, loafers, couch potatos, family members, whatever. establish a maximum for them staying over (e.g. 2 days/nights a week), otherwise you have an additional room-mate who isn't paying for anything. and even though you can't count how much ketchup, toilet paper or internet they are consuming, they are a regular presence and may start grating on your nerves.

    icon_cool.gif pets - probably best not to have anything bigger than goldfish, until you guys get into a rhythm. the scent of urine, kitty litter, shedding, kibble, etc will become annoying, and the pet will be the embodiment of everything you hate in the room-mate (which is not fair to the pet).

    9) don't sleep with your room mate!

    10) don't steal each others food, toilettries, underwear, boyfriends/girlfriends.

    11) make sure you guys go out and party regularly as buddies every few weeks, but also give each other space to be alone/private.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    The most important thing you should do it ensure you are BOTH on the lease and equally responsible for the security deposit and rent. Don't assume that everything will work out OK because you're friends.